Game of Thrones: Season 4 Episode 8: “The Mountain and The Viper”

•June 2, 2014 • Leave a Comment

tyrion-cunk

 

“Far too much is written about great men and not nearly enough about morons” 

A Reviewcap By Sagebeth

In this emotionally turbulent episode we were forced to wait nearly the entire hour for the main event and this episodes namesake: The Mountain vs The Viper. Basically this was a B+ episode with an A+ ending. Considering the wait we had, let me not put this recap on pause any longer and get straight to the fun. 

THAT TIME WE GOT TO SEE SOME POOR SOD GET HIS THROAT SLIT IN THE REFLECTION OF A QUANT WELL

“She survived a White Walker for fucks sake – She might have got out.” -On Gillys Luck

What do dirty whores do in the North when not whoring? Burp the melody of the few songs available in Westros apparently.  Seriously, it made me giggle but it totally minimizes the vastness of this universe to constantly remind us that everyone knows exactly two songs. Anyway, we are in the gross brothel in Molestown where Samwell left Gilly and she is busy getting patronized and harassed by the burping filthy whore concerning Gilly’s baby acting all baby-like. The nerve! Thankfully (for Gilly only) she pauses their one-sided spat when she hears an owl noise outside. The whore assumes like everyone else that it is just an owl but Gilly’s wildling senses are tingling and she immediately hides with her baby. 

Ygritte, and her other wildling cohorts are attacking another defenseless village and there is something memorizing about watching Jon Snows kissed by fire lover just killing folks left and right. We’ve seen her angry and bloodthirsty all season, and she is truly a warrior for her people, when suddenly we get a harsh reminder that this girl isn’t some old crusty killer of the innocent as she spies Gilly and the baby hiding. For a moment we are unsure what will happen but a light shines in Ygrittes eyes and she makes a hand signal to keep quiet. Thoughts on this woman scorned? 

At Castle Black, the men have heard of this attack and Samwell is beside himself with fear thinking Gilly must be dead. He at least recognizes how insane it was to send her there. In a surprising move, the other men don’t tell Sam to shut the hell up and instead explain how Gilly has survived so many other things, it is entirely possible that she survived this as well. 

THAT TIME GREY WORM WAS INTERESTED

“When the slavers castrate the boys, do they take all of it?” -Dany wondering far too much

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It’s bath-time in Meereen so we get an overload of boobies and abs. Basically here Grey Worm spies on a naked Missandei and usually I’d have to call out the creep factor but I actually didn’t the creepy water stalking. It was the following scenes that basically reiterated how this is the weakest plot-line of the season. It seems pointless to have a floundering romance between these two characters as other that delightfully background dressing – certainly not worthy of so much screen time. Anyway this scene led to some girl-talk between Missandei and Dany. I want to point out that Dany is such a kickass Queen because she is totally doing Missandei’s hair – How nice. Basically we learn that neither woman knows if the castration of the Unsullied is taking both the “stones and the pillar” or just one. I don’t see how this could mean anything down the road. We also get another scene where Missandei and Grey Worm discuss their mutual interest. Missandei shocks him by admitting she didn’t mind him seeing her and he shocks her by saying he wouldn’t change his past because it put him on his current path. Cute but blah. 

THAT TIME REEK ONLY TWITCHED MILDLY

“Traditions are important. Where are we without our history?” – Ramsey on flaying men

Reek is busy pretending to be – well himself – Theon – to help his evil master (Ramsey) take over Moat Cailin which is overrun by Iron Born. He goes in, and tries to talk the men into leaving peacefully as a way to save their lives.  The wicked sick, head man, gives a big hell no but one of his lessors cleaves an axe into his head and awesomely takes Theon’s deal. There is a great moment when Reek thinks he will fail and begins a fast decline back into his Reek persona. Of course this “just” deal is made up by Ramsey so he of course completely negates on the whole thing and tortures, flays, and kills all the men. There is a pretty sick shot of a flayed man that seriously put all or most of The Walking Dead special effects to shame. 

As a reward for dealing with Moat Cailin, and winning Ramsey gets something all little bastard boys want: Recognized love. Daddy Roose Bolton gives an impassioned speech about being the warden of the North in the middle of open country as the wind swarms around them before giving Ramsey Snow the ultimate reward: His name. Ramsey Snow is now Ramsey Bolton, acknowledged son and heir to House Bolton. So now not only is NONE of the Starks considered to eventually inherit the North but its all going to go to this psychopath. As the scene ends Ramsey and Reek ride to their “new home” and I may be wrong but it totally looked like Winterfel in the distance. Ahh!

THAT TIME SANSA STARTED PLAYING FOR REALSIES

“Better to gamble on the man you know than the strangers you don’t. You think you know me?” -Petyr

“I know what you want” -Sansa

Littlefinger is being questioned about the untimely demise of Lysa last episode by the head lords and ladies of the Veil. So how does this clever man explain away the murder he committed? Why, he says the crazy lady killed herself. This actually seemed weak until Sansa is called in as a witness. She is introduced under her false name and immediately apologizes to Littlefinger making us believe she is about to tell everyone the truth but instead Sansa does something amazing. Seriously, this boring dull little girl is finally picking up on the games being played around her and decided she better start taking more control of her own destiny. She tells the true tale at first and then completely twists it to make Littlefinger entirely innocent, and perhaps even heroic in the situation. Seriously I’m not the only one impressed with this new lying powerful Sansa – Littlefinger is too. 

He visits her chambers later and we get a closer look at this new and improved Sansa. She barely looks up at him as she sues something gaudy for a new dress, and only looks at him when she admits she “knows what he wants”. TEASE! Later, Littlefinger tells us he is sending little Robin into the world for his own good but this is just him taking more power and control. Suddenly, everything pauses as the new and improved Sansa Stark enters the scene. She struts down the stairs, her gown (the one she was making) all feathers and black, and her hair is also now a deep black. Did someone go see Malificent recently for fashion tips? She is the picture of confidence and actually continues her coy flirtation with Littlefinger. So is this what “he wants?”? Sansa, doing her best Catelyn impersonation with more conviction? Is this move for real or is this Sansa getting mister “Call me Petyr” under her thumb? 

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THAT TIME ARYA WAS SAD BECAUSE SHE COULDN’T KILL JOFFREY HERSELF

“I’d kill Joffrey with a chicken bone if I had to” -Arya being awesome

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Outside at the Bloodygate, Arya and the Hound are finally reaching their destination. After a foreboding moment concerning the Hound’s “flea bite” on his neck giving him trouble we get a bitterly bright moment between these two. The Hound actually calls her his traveling companion when asked, and explains she is Lysa’s niece… AND The guard actually looks a bit sad before he shares that Lady Lysa died three days ago. Cue one of the best reactions on this show. Arya just starts laughing. Seriously, the entire universe is always messing with her at every turn so of course girlfriend is allowed to have a quick manic laughing fit when she learns that yet again someone she was turning to for help has died. Jesus christ what do that do now? Does she still get to reunite with Sansa? Do they leave and try to find another relative? 

THAT TIME A ROYAL PARDON CAME BACK TO BITE JORAH IN THE ASS

“Who profits? This is the work of Tywin Lannister” -Jorah being wise

Do you remember that short small council scene where Tywin once again started his evil letter writing campaign to battle Dany and her dragons? It turns out he sent over Jorah’s old pardon from Robert Baratheon for his dutiful spying on Dany back in season one. Ser Barristan gives Jorah the heads up about this new letter but also promises he will never be alone with Dany again. Later he begs of her forgiveness in front of everyone in the throne room and Dany is so steamed at this betrayal that she won’t even allow him to see how truly mad/upset he is. She doesn’t want him in her city alive or dead so she sends him away telling him he will never touch her or speak her name ever again. Seriously this feels like a devastating break up between two best friends and woefully Dany is playing directly into Tywin’s hands but spiting up Team Dany and sending away her most loyal of advisors but sadly the entire thing is completely understandable. He rides away from the city, sad. Where the hell will he go now? 

THAT TIME THE ENTIRE SHOW IS JUST PEOPLE SMASHING BEETLES

“Who gives a dusty fuck about a bunch of beetles” -Jamie

In a gifted moment we get yet another brotherly scene between Tyrion and Jamie. I notice a lot of reviewers, watchers, and other internet folks generally didn’t see the point of this whole scene but I actually really loved it. Tyrion tells a long story about a simply Lannister cousin who used to just sit in their garden and smash beetles. It emphasizes Tyrion’s own empathy, while nit picking the whole sale slaughter allowed in their world for seemingly no reason – keyly a huge murderer like The Mountain. 

Later we make it to the highlight of the episode, which carried quite the shock factor. This scene should be simple. Either the Mountain will kill Oberyn or Oberyn will kill The Mountain but instead we got something else. Tyrion enters and immediately starts pointing out all the things Oberyn may be doing wrong: drinking wine, not wearing armor or a helmet. Oberyn says that “Today is not the day I die”. I really should have seen the writing on the wall here but I still kept hope alive that Oberyn would win and all would be right in the world for the last seconds of the episode but alas it wasn’t. 

The fight begins and Oberyn fights the size/brawn of the Mountain with speed, agility, and lovely acrobatics. He also constantly baits the monster: “You raped my sister” “ You killed her children”. We also get some fabulous reaction shots from the crowd. Tyrion looking worried/excited. Jamie looks decidedly hopeful, excited, and finally broken. Cersei and Tywin also wear their best faces as they try to hide there fear, contempt, and finally delight. After some fun action Oberyn manages to slice up the huge mans hamstring, and stab him with his beautiful snake bedazzled pike in the gut. He gets him again and again as the Mountain falls to the ground. Oberyn all but has him but he stops to gloat and continue to press him for a confession for killing/raping his sister. He circles the fallen man and OH NO he gets distracted for a tenth a second by a smile on his lovers face and the Mountain uses it. He grabs his leg, gives him a teeth spitting left hook, and quickly gets on top of a dazed Oberyn in the ring. He then confesses to everything Oberyn wanted while shoving his thumbs into Oberyn’s eye sockets  before literally just squeezing his head like a pimple. Pop. WINNER OF THE GORE OF THE WEEK BY DEFAULT. Oberyn screams the entire time until he just doesn’t have a head anymore. His paramour screams in emotionally pain. Cersei looks utterly satisfied. Tywin sentences his son to death. Tyrion looks grimly gobsmacked    – much like the viewers. The Mountain seems to pass out next to the smashed head of Prince Oberyn Martell, everyone’s favorite pansexual badass with a sexy accent. RIP Great prince. I should have known you were too cool to stay alive in the hellhole that is Westros. 

Until next week: Battle at Castle Black and everyone is invited. Gulp. 

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Pop Junk Movies: Top 5 Movies That Scarred You For Life

•May 27, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Scarredforlife

http://agrover81.podomatic.com/entry/2014-05-26T17_37_58-07_00

 

 

Now Playing.

The Last Gladiators: An examination of Hockey’s most feared enforcers. Must see for Hockey fans, for non hockey fans it’s still a fascinating documentary for what is a strange job. 4 Stars (streaming on Netflix)

Punch Drunk Love: Bottom Line: Anderson makes Sandler passable, Hoffman is brilliant, great camera work, sometimes it’s a little slow but Anderson Directs the hell out of it. 3.5 Stars (streaming on Netflix)

The Grey: A surprising tale of survival with a philosophical agenda about life in general. 4 Stars (Streaming on Netflix)

Requiem for a dream:
Irreversible.
PeeWee’s Big Adventure:
Poltergeist
Meet the Feebles

Evan
Seven
The Prince of Darkness
Poltergiest
Event Horizon
The Fly

Honorable Mention

Aliens
Little Monsters
Event Horizon
Return to Oz
The Never-ending Story
It
A Nightmare on Elm St.
The Thing
The Exorcist
The Entity
Superman 3
(Listener Pick-Should have mentioned it on Podcast,) Kids

Game of Thrones: Season 4 Episode 7: Mockingbird

•May 20, 2014 • Leave a Comment

GOT6

A Reviewcap By Sagebeth
“Do what you do best – Take off your clothes”

Remember what happened during last Sundays Game of Thrones? Check out the recap to relive all the awesome.

THAT TIME JAMIE DIDN’T REALIZE TYRION WOULD DIE FOR PRIDE
“Brilliant speech, they’ll be talking about it for days to come” -Jamie does sarcasm
Tyrion cannot even pretend to feel bad about destroying his fathers plans for his trial by declaring a trial by combat at the end of last weeks episode. Jamie can’t seem to understand how Tyrion could gamble over his own pride but to Tyrion going to Castle Black isn’t MUCH better than dying. In an unexpected move, Jamie also shares that he won’t be fighting for Tyrion OR Cersei because his fighting skills are totally not ready for anything like that. Hilariously this tickles Tyrion even more: “Where is your sense of adventure?” he chides and points out that if Jamie died it would hurt their father even more. Awesomely he is not even joking. The idea of both Lannister sons dying in spite of Tywin seems like the best thing Tyrion has thought up recently. I also loved Tyrion pointing out how Jamie is still the golden son after all of his mishaps. Is it just me or is Tyrion mentioning the incest nearly every episode now? Man, I love these two together. In the meanwhile, we get a look at Cersei’s champion: The Mountain who is mighty busy slaughtering people like they are mere weeds blocking his path. Cersei approaches, stepping over guts and intestines, and we get a nice quick moment between them: He asks who he will be fighting and she asks if it matters. This is same man who beheaded his own horse for making him lose to Loras Tyrell in a joust back in season one who only beat him because of clever trickery. Who the hell would take this monster on willingly?

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THAT TIME THE HOUND TOOK OFF HIS LITERALLY AND METAPHORICAL ARMOR
“Nothing isn’t better or worse than anything – Nothing is just nothing” -Arya gets deep
BFFs, Arya and the Hound are still perpetually wandering around the countryside heading toward the Eeryie and this weeks hijinks were both informative and fun. First, they run into a dying man and proceed to have a conversation about existentialism. Seriously this all suddenly became a Beckett play. Ahh minimalism. Sigh. Arya wonders why he would go on like this, and how nothing could be worse than this. The dying man counters that maybe nothing is worse than this. Arya, the philosophy major, explains that nothing is just nothing. Finally the Hound puts the man out of his misery putting an end to their little moment. He also explains that he stabbed him in the heart, and gives Arya a little violence lesson on heart stabbing. Love these crazy kids. Unfortunately this is interrupted by men literally sneaking up on the Hound and one of them biting him on the neck. YIKES. Talk about stealth mode. Remember last week when Tywin put out a reward for killing the Hound? They are here to collect. Fortunately the Hound takes care of the first one by way of neck snap, and interestingly enough Arya recognizes the other one. He was in the cage with Jaqen back in season two – It was the same man who promised to “fuck her bloody” with a stick. Gulp. Arya actually shares this knowledge and the second the man tells her his name she slides Needle right into his heart. Sweet. The Hound clucks approvingly: “You’re learning”. I would so watch a show with just the Hound teaching Arya how to kill folks. Also loved the tiny moment of her cleaning off her blade the same way the Hound had just done. This entire scene was a collection of tiny amazing moments.
Later on the Hound is trying to dress his neck wound and Arya insists she help by sterilizing it with fire which prompts the Hound is freak out – rightfully. This leads to the Hound actually sharing his origin story about his brother (The Mountain) burning his face in a fire when he was a child for playing with one his toys. Gulp. So that bit was true. The worst part is his father vouching for his first son afterward. Ouch. Saddest part is that the Hound figures the worst part is that his brother actually did this to him. His brother. So Arya, showing some actual feelings, cleans out the wound with water and begins to sew it shut for him – no fire. I’m always a fan of unexpected infection death but I sure hope that isn’t the destiny for the Hound.

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THAT TIME A LITTLE COMFORT NEVER HURT ANYONE – FOR ONCE
“You’re not interesting enough to be offensive” -Brienne burns Podrick
It’s that time again to laugh with Brienne and Pod who are sitting down to a nice meal at an inn on the road and who happened to make their pie? HOT PIE OF COURSE! Remember when the brotherhood sold him to a cook? Turns out he found his niche in life as we get a huge reminder of what a blabbermouth Hot Pie is. Speaking of blabbermouths: Brienne straight up asks him if he has seen Sansa Stark. Props to Podrick showing he has in fact learned something from Tyrion as he points out that it might not be best to just say these things in public. Haha. Hot Pie doesn’t know Sansa but he certainly knew Arya so later when they are leaving he gives them a heads up about Arya, the brotherhood, and the hound before gifting them with A PIECE OF DIREWOLF BREAD. This is my example of Hot Pie being a good cook because you can actually tell that this is supposed to be a wolf and not a mysterious glob it looked like when he first made it for Arya seasons ago. Pod steps up his game again and discusses what Tyrion taught him about the great houses and their allegiances and therefore deduces that BOTH Stark girls are probably headed toward the Eeryie. Yes. Win. Hot Pie somehow makes it through another episode without something horrible happened to him – Thank the goddess. Also loved the other call back to season two Hot Pie thinking everyone who wore armor was a knight. Sweet memories. PS: Podricks facial reactions are oh so amazing.

THAT TIME JON SNOW USED GIANTS FOR BIG EXAMPLES OF INTIMIDATION UNSUCCESSFULLY
“I’m surprised you didn’t say hello – The king beyond the wall is your old friend, isn’t he?” Ser Alliser beating a dead horse
Jon Snow is back from his victorious mission beyond the wall and what reception does he get from his superiors? Sneers and insults. Seriously this shit is getting old. Don’t they realize how petty this all sounds? Jon keeps warning them about the oncoming storm of a battle and tries to help by suggesting they flood the tunnels running under the wall and let it freeze – Ser Alliser says a big no because he personally hates ideas? Seriously, the plan sounded fishy but at least Jon is trying unlike them. They also make him lock up Ghost so screw these assholes. They also are making Jon and Samwell take watch on top of the wall until the next full moon. Gee, I wonder when they will see the coming army approaching.

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THAT TIME BRONN HAD NEW CLOTHES
“I’m a bit short of castles at the moment, but I can offer you gold and gratitude”
“What can I buy with gratitude?” – Tyrion and Bronn banter at its best
Without Jamie fighting for him, Tyrion hopes Bronn will be his champion but we learn that this cannot be when their two bros are reunited again in Tyrion’s jail cell. Bronn shows up dressed like a noble and it is amazing. Seriously, he is dressed all highborn but he still has his jacked up Flea Bottom face so its really great. It turns out Bronn took a hell of a bribe from Cersei in the form of marriage to some “warm and soft” (chubby!) lady. It is actually sort of hilarious because it turns out if his new wife’s older sister dies he may inherit a castle. Oh Bronn! You silly murderer! It is actually a sad scene as these two have become friends but Bronn is still a sellsword and for as much as he likes Tyrion he likes himself more – The saddest part is Tyrion seems to completely understand. He is actually the realist Jamie thought he was. As Bronn points out, when has Tyrion ever risked his life for him? Hard truths. It also should be pointed out that Bronn doubts he actually could win against the Mountain which is mighty scary. Ugh so now we watch Tyrion say farewell to another loved companion.

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THAT TIME DAARIO JUST WANTED TO PURSUE HIS TALENTS
“It’s tempting to see your enemies as evil, but there is good and evil on both sides of every war ever fought.” -Jorah brings the truth
Daario has snuck into Dany’s private room through her window and I really have to give him points because doesn’t she live in that mega-tall pyramid?! He is there with more wild flowers (lol) and to try to make a dent in his future. He explains that he is good at exactly two things: loving women and killing people so she should get to using him for one of those things. HAHAHA. Now this show usually relies heavily on the exploitation of women so of course we got a great role refusal as Dany instructs him to do something he does best and “take off his clothes”. Now, most straight men are against me on this but we need MORE dong on this show. Dany likes what she sees and they throw down FINALLY.

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The next morning Daario does a jaunty walk of shame down the hall and runs into Jorah who can tell by his direction and swagger that he just totally bedded his fave lady. Disturbed Jorah heads to her room and finds her in one of her sexy outfits which probably did not help matters. She reveals that she sent Daario to do one of the things he does best and deal with the slave masters in Yunkai who have retaken control of the city. Jorah is anti-killing everyone again and we get a nice surprise when he actually changes her mind about this. Dany actually makes this better and tells him to totally take credit for this and sends him with Daario to Yunkai. I love Dany but I wish I had more faith in an actuality of slavery actually going away.

THAT TIME BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS
“They will see the lie for what it was: A trick that led them to the truth” -Melisandre’s Bwebs
Melisandre baths for nearly an entire scene with her boobs on parade but the important parts about this scene were less salacious. Melisandre actually admits that a lot of her tricks are just that: Tricks and not actually divine intervention. Selyse is there to look at boobies and act crazy but to also bring up Shireen (lobster girl!) being a total heretical bitch to her. She doesn’t think her daughter should come with them on their upcoming sea voyage (Are they going back to Kings Landing?). Melisandre tells her otherwise and insists her Red God wants Shireen to come with them because they will need her. I doubt it is more reading lesson or cute quips. Gulp. Most people didn’t like this scene but I personally love watching Melisandre be the picture of cool next to the absolutely insane Selyse. It’s captivating.

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THAT TIME TYRION WASN’T A MONSTER AND JUST A BABY
“It doesn’t matter, everyone says he will die soon. I hope they are right, he should not have lived this long.” -Cersei on Baby Tyrion
Tyrion is getting one last visitor this day and that is my favorite newbie: Prince Oberyn. This entire scene was amazing as both actors really brought it. Oberyn shares his tale about his first meeting with Tyrion. He visited Casterly Rock with his family when Tyrion was born and Cersei spent most of her time abusing her newborn little brother. It is a detail filled tale letting Tyrion know that his suspicions are right and her animosity runs extremely deep beginning with him killing their mother when he was born. Tyrion struggles not to cry realizing how much his life has been against him since birth – He truly never stood a chance. So many feels! Yet, it turns out Cersei has been extremely shortsighted in her choice of champion because The Mountain is the one person Oberyn wants to desperately kill so in an unexpected move Oberyn says he will fight for Tyrion as his champion. Tyrion’s facial relief is delicious. Both he and I are about to weep with relief. Can’t wait for this whole event to go down – most likely next week.

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THAT TIME LYSA LOVED GORE!PORN AND THEN BECAME IT
“A lot can happen between now and never” -Littlefinger being Littlefinger
It is snowing at the Eeryie so Sansa is feeling extra homesick – hence she builds an entire replica of Winterfel out of snow. Seriously this makes everything I’ve ever made out of snow looks god damn silly. Young Robin comes outside and she tries to play with the young boy but he totally can’t actually interact on any level socially. He totally breaks part of her kickass snow castle and in a moment of mania Sansa slaps him. That’s right someone must have hit a breaking point because she literally couldn’t hold back. Robin leaves freaking out because no one has ever treated him that way and we find out Littlefinger was secretly watching. So what is creepy-mc-creepster up to? Sansa is just as curious as us and in a move where she actually has balls she demands to know why Littlefinger killed Joffrey. Maybe she suspects it but we all surely didn’t expect his answer. It was completely a move of revenge for Catelyn’s horrible death last season. He loved her. Sansa could have easily have been his kid but since she isn’t he is falling insanely into obsession with her- much like Catelyn. Cue him shoving his tongue down her throat. Fun observation! Sansa did not pull back. She did not slap him. AND Lysa was secretly watching the whole gods damned thing.
Later Lysa is standing by the moon door and summons Sansa. Gulp. She grabs Sansa and threatens to throw her out of the Moon door and the only thing to save her is Littlefinger who suddenly finds them in the room. He asks Lysa to chill, let Sansa go, and he will do the prudent thing and send the girl away. He gets closer and closer to her until finally he is right next to her. We think he may continue calming her but instead he explains that he has loved exactly one woman his entire life. Lysa smiles assuming it is her but he cuts her deep ending his little monologue with his one true love being her sister! Catelyn! Then Littlefinger gives her a moment to realize what he has said before pushing her through the Moon Door. AHH! She plummeted utterly brokenhearted to her death. Littlefinger, Petyr Baelish, has won this weeks VIOLENCE OF WEEK AWARD for that slight of hand. I absolutely love how smarmy clever he can be as well as unexpectedly violent.

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and scene. See you in two weeks!……for!

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PopJunk Movies: Godzilla

•May 20, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Godzukie

Here is the link to our podcast review of Godzilla.

http://agrover81.podomatic.com/entry/2014-05-18T17_09_28-07_00

 

Bottom Line Review:  Godzilla is a really fun theater experience/summer movie.  It tried too hard to be a smart, realistic monster movie and would have been better off trying to be a dumb over the top monster movie.  3.5 out of 5.

Game Of Thrones – Season 4 – Episode 6 “The Laws of Gods and Men”

•May 12, 2014 • Leave a Comment

GOT1

“I wish I was the monster you think I am.” -Tyrion being boss
A Reviewcap By Sagebeth

This week we got another fun-packed ultra talented hour of Game of Thrones. We checked in with a few players but spent most of our time on one of this years most interesting/captivating scenes on television: The trial of Tyrion Lannister. Seriously I can’t even wait to jump right in so lets just get to it.

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THAT TIME BRAAVOS GOT ADDED TO THE OPENING CREDITS
“He doesn’t just talk about paying people back he does it” – Davos on Stannis
How much fun with it to see this new city rise up onto the game board? It also opened the night as we get a killer CG shot of Davos and Stannis sailing into Braavos beneath a giant soldier statue. It’s sick. What a way to welcome people to the much talked about but never seen free city of Braavos. Too bad Stannis kept that puss face the entire time. First and only stop is the Iron Bank where Davos and Stannis wait for hours for someone to speak with them. We get the impression Stannis has been pacing the entire time which is fabulous. Finally a man from the bank comes to talk to them: Tycho Nestoris played by Mark Gatiss (Also known as Mycroft Homles, co-creator of Sherlock, and writer for Dr Who! Word!). This scene starts awesomely, as Tycho treats Stannis as well as he’d treat any shlub off the street. Note: Stannis and Davos just a solemn stone bench to sit on while the bank representatives get this nice high backed chairs. Telling. Stannis wants money to take the Westros throne from the Lannisters as the rightful heir, promising he will pay them back. This may have worked if Stannis had an ounce of actual social skills and more than one boring facial expression but alas its boring Stannis so they basically laugh it off. Unexpectedly Davos, the man who needs this to work for him the most because his neck is on the line, steps up and gives a passionate plea on Stannis’s behalf. Davos, someone who knows how to actually put on a bit of a show and talk to people, gives an example of of Stannis’s righteous rule in action and shows them his shortened fingers. Personally I never found this as something to put on the plus side for Stannis considering his closed minded social-idiot nature but it is certainly a moving example considering it actually works. Also it should be noted that the Iron Bank ultimately trusts Tywin Lannister over Stannis but his old age is a deterrent. Once Tywin is gone they would rather Stannis over Jamie, Cersei, and they bastard children. Win for Team Death By Fire.

Later on Davos goes to visit an old friend, everyone’s favorite saucy pirate, Salladhor Saan, who is busy with two ladies in some bath/whore house. It also nice to see this guy, because it feels like you are actually Davos visiting an old friend. Davos once again asks his friend to add to Stannis’s navy but instead of promises of gold he actually tosses him a bag of neatly stacked cases of coins from their win at the bank. Ha! Then he tells him he gave the rest to his wife! HA! “You’re not my friend, my friend” Salladhor jokes as the scene closes.

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THAT TIME WE GOT A REMINDER THAT DRAGONS DO AS THEY PLEASE
“There are 212 supplicates waiting Your Grace”
Some cute mini goats are being herded somewhere outside of the city of Meereen while a child tosses rocks into a ravine. Naturally this peaceful scene turns into thirteen shades of awesome within moments. One of the thrown rocks seems to hit something off screen and suddenly Drogon rises up out of the ravine. In all his terrible fantastic majesty this great beast flies up, proceeds to roast the entire pack of goats, and grabs one for the road as a snack. Seriously describing this does not give it justice because it was a visual and a half. Later on, said shepherd took the burnt carcasses of his herd to his new queen, Dany. Now it is time for her to try her hand at this ruling thing, so she meets with people from her mini throne room inside that giant pyramid. Of course her empathy kicks in fully when the man tells her about one of her babies literally killing all of his livestock so she puts on her Oprah hat and gives him three-times as much gold as they were actually worth. You could tell this guy totally didn’t expect her to be so sweet because he literally runs backward out of the room as though he thinks she might change her mind before he gets out. Personally I feel like this was sweet but can anyone else smell the rest of the shepherds in the area burning up all the animals hoping to cash in? I can.

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Dany moves on to her next visitor: Hizdahr zo Loraq. He is a local nobleman who came to basically give Dany lip about crucifying his father who was one of the great slave masters in the city. Look like you should have listened to Selmy! According to him, his father was one of the ‘good’ ones who was against killing all those children that pissed her off so much. All this does cause her to pause but ultimately isn’t this gripe mega cheap? She really shouldn’t be spending time worrying about killing innocent men who were really nice if only she got to know them. However, she does allow him to take down his fathers body and give it a formal burial. PS: His fucking name is killing me – Hes cute but damn.

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THAT TIME YARA HAD THE BALLS
“This is turning into a lovely evening” -Ramsey covered in blood
Last time we checked in with the Ironborn, Yara had decided to rescue Theon from Ramsey Snow and we finally got to get back to this plot-line. So she takes her best men and stages a rescue mission on the Dreadfort. Beforehand she reads the infamous letter from Ramsey Snow to her men, and then gives them an impassioned speech. Seriously it was so awesome Theon would have wept with joy at his sister’s words. Unfortunately, Theon no longer exists and Reek does not want to escape his hell. While fighting through the fort, Yara finds Theon/Reek staying in his very own dog kennel (ugh). While she tries to get him out he literally bites her hand while completely denying being Theon. It’s so horribly sad to think about. And of course time runs out and Ramsey (who was busy having sex when the attack began) arrives covered in blood, shirtless, and with other men. Yara seems ready to fight more but Ramsey sets the dogs loose on them and she has to escape, leaving Theon/Reek behind. Back at their ship Yara tells her men her brother is dead. Ugh. Sad.

Later on Ramsey rewards Reek/Theon for his loyalty with a hot bath. Did this twosome suddenly venture into bad porn territory or was it just me? Ramsey insists Reek/Theon stripes down (britches too!) and into the bath he goes. Who thought we might see some crazy castration mock up on his junk? We don’t but we do see Reek/Theon’s scarred and torn body. It really reminds us that he was a prisoner for a long time before he became this broken person. Once he is in the bath Ramsey approaches the tub and doom echos in his steps. Reek twitches with each step. He coming and he must be about to do something horrible because Ramsey never does anything nice but we are all blindsided by Ramsey slowly cleaning Reek with care before asking him to do him a favor. What on earth could he do for him? Pretend to be Theon Greyjoy to take a castle (probably Moat Cailin where his father wanted him to clear out the Ironborn?). Ha. Seriously this whole charade is one of the most bizarre strange relationships on this show and that is saying something. Love it.
THAT TIME OBERYN REMINDED US THE UNSULLIED WERE GOOD ON THE BATTLEFIELD BUT SHIT IN BED
“So does this mean I’m a master of something now?” -Oberyn being hilarious
Now we get to King’s Landing and the trial of Tyrion Lannister but before the actual trial we got to check in with the new small council. I wish we could always experience everything with Prince Oberyn in the room. It’s always so amazing and fun. For example, when everyone stands when Tywin enters hes stays comfortably lounged with his feet up on the table. Anyway, the subject at hand before getting to Tyrion is in fact the rise of Dany and her dragons in Meereen. Nice. Tywin is in fact worried and wants to start one of his little letter writing campaigns again – UGH Every time he does this someone we love dies. This scene also had some other fun updates. They discuss knowing the Hound is around the Riverlands and knowledge of him killing some of their soldiers with the phrase “Fuck the King” leaving his lips. HAHA! Unfortunately they set a crazy high bounty on him. Sigh. Also Tywin called Cersei stupid for dismissing Selmy. Great! Later on we also got a short scene between Oberyn and Varys. GOLD! Just love how rich all of these characters are. Even conversations focusing on someones missing sex organ are always amazing.

THAT TIME TYRION REALIZED HE SHOULD HAVE JUST LET STANNIS KILL THEM ALL
“Well we mustn’t disappoint father” -Tyrion sarcasm at its finest
Finally the trial begins as Jamie leads Tyrion into the throne room in chains, and this final extended sequence is really amazing. Every single member of the Lannister family has many reactionary shots and they are all to die for. Most importantly this is probably another Emmy win for Peter Dinklage because he owned it on every single level I can think of. First King Tommen recuses himself publicly from the trial before Tywin takes up the mantle and takes the seat of power on the throne. Is it just me or is this the first man who has looked comfortable here? Like it was made for him? Anyway back to the trial: We get many old faces retelling old stories except Joffrey is being made out as a saint while Tyrion is made to looked as worst as possible. Asshole Kingsguard Meryn Trant saying all of the hard truths Tyrion had told Joffrey in the past but forgetting special details like he was stripping and beating poor Sansa at the time. Maester Pycelle repays Tyrion for throwing him in the black cells by naming the poison used on Joffrey and saying Tyrion must have stolen it from his stores. He also called Joffrey the most noble child the gods ever put on this good earth which is so majorly over the top I’m left with vomit in my mouth. Sadly Varys is next on the bandwagon and that pragmatic mess always does what he must and right now that is trashing Tyrion even after Tyrion reminds him of saving them all during the battle on Blackwater Bay. Next Cersei got to repeat that killer “joy will turn to ashes in your mouth” line which is not helping Tyrion’s case now at all because even I’m starting to see his guilt and I KNOW HE DIDN’T DO IT. Sure they are steamrolling him but the scariest part is that he did say all of these things.

Editors Note: This trial totally reminded me of the series finale of Seinfeld.

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During some sort of recess Jamie decides to go ahead with a wacky plan he has to save his brother. He approaches his father and offers to leave the Kingsguard and continue the family line just like Tywin wants if Tyrion is sentenced to working at the wall and not to death. Tywin jumps on this and his telling smile when Jamie leaves proves that this is exactly what Daddy wanted. So its all going according to plan as of right now. Jamie quickly tells his brother before they begin the trial again and the secret deal is in effect as long as Tyrion pleads for mercy and doesn’t throw them any more wrenches to dodge. Cue the final witness coming to the stand: Shea the funny whore. Uh oh. Her testimony is the worst of the bunch: damning Tyrion by saying she had first hand knowledge of the murder from Tyrion and Sansa scheming on it together. Shit. It gets worse. She begins revealing intimate details and pet names between them but twisting the truth so they come out like insults and not terms of endearment. Ugh. He actually verbally begs her to stop and its not to stop testifying but to stop breaking his god damn heart. Also by the amount of times Shea wearily shoots glances at Cersei I’m guessing she is the one manipulating/intimidating her.

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After all that bullshit Tyrion is seemingly ready to confess. He’s got something to say. The secret plan is about to be set on fire as Peter Dinklage shows pure talent with this outburst. Tyrion lashes out verbally on EVERYONE in the room and says everything he has kept bottled up his whole life. The only thing he is guilty of is being a dwarf and after literally saving all of their lives no one gives him any appreciation. To Cersei especially he says “Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores!” (NOTE: He actually called Joffrey a bastard publicly – score!) Tyrion is more willing to face his death than follow into another one of his fathers plans so Tyrion pulls his last card and leaves it in the gods hands: TRIAL BY COMBAT. YES! Now I don’t know how this will go down – Will Tyrion have to fight? Can he name anyone as his champion? Can they refuse? Who would fight for Tywin? Sure hope its not fire. I have to give this weeks VIOLENCE OF THE WEEK AWARD to Tyrion for chewing out an entire room of people. That right – over the Ramsey vs Yara showdown.
Until next week. Now excuse me while I re-watch that Tyrion speech over and over again.

Pop Junk Movies Podcast: Leftovers

•May 8, 2014 • Leave a Comment

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It’s a random grab bag of topics this week; New Star Wars Cast, Iron Maiden beer, Worst and Best Theater going experiences, 24, Game of Thrones and much more. Enjoy.

http://agrover81.podomatic.com/entry/2014-05-06T17_21_50-07_00

Game Of Thrones – Season 4 – Episode 5 “First of His Name”

•May 7, 2014 • Leave a Comment

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“Everywhere in the world they hurt little girls”
By Sagebeth

This week of Game of Thrones was a whirlwind of new truths concerning old mysteries, a brand new side of Cersei, game changing decisions from Meereen, and Jon Snow almost runs into young Bran. It was extremely exciting, solidly informative, and terribly amazing. So either go and watch it or relive the awesome in this weeks reviewcap.

THAT TIME CERSEI DID A FRIENDSHIP TOUR ACROSS KINGS LANDING
“You can’t run from them, you can’t cheat them, you can’t sway them with excuses.” -Tywin on the Iron Bank

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Wasting no time we are welcomed back to King’s Landing with young Tommen’s coronation ceremony, and at his most important moment of his life does he think of his mother? his father? his grandfather? Himself? No. Tommen’s eyes find the beautiful Margaery watching him greet his subjects. She expertly shoots him secret smiles dripping with temptation. It is truly quite the moment which only gets better when Queen Cersei steps in between them blocking her view. Ha. Lately Cersei has been a drunken tornado of insults and reckless thinking so this moment absolutely blindsided me. Cersei’s intense emotional reactions have faded to a depressed but smarter thought process. Cersei, the sort of clever, is making a comeback and in keeping herself reigned in she is truly meshing with her queenly mother title. In a complete turn around Cersei wants to nurse the partnership between their families and pitch the idea of Margeary marrying Tommen. She bluntly admits that Joffrey was horrible, and considering she is not easily shocked he shocked the shit out of her. HA. Margeary is only surprised momentarily by Cersei’s change of tune and easily reignights her old partnership conversation she tried to have with Cersei when she first arrived in Kings Landing concerning whether Cersei will be a sister or mother to her. HA. Cersei threatened to strangle her if she called her that again but this is a Cersei who now knows shes lost power and who also knows enough to keep her enemies close. Also props to Margeary for completely denying entertaining the notion of marrying Tommen.

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Later on Cersei is telling Tywin about her conversation with Margeary. Is this Cersei’s way of winning Tywin’s favor concerning the upcoming trial? He gets to deliver a killer line about how Robert used to pat him on the back which makes me wish we could have seen such a thing. He also comes right out and says that the Tyrells are their biggest rivals in terms of resources so they simply MUST partner up with them to keep their enemies close. He also brings up the much feared Iron Bank of Braavos yet again to reiterate for the casual/sane viewers that the crown and therefore the Lannisters are severely in debt to them. Also completely surprising me we learn that the ‘rich’ Lannisters are starting to loose some of that ‘richness’ as we learn they are mining much of anything anymore. Gulp. I also question what Tywin knows about Joffreys murder as he awesomely refused to discuss it as though he is an actual judge. If he ever actually deducted the truth would he be angry? or grateful for placing a better suited puppet for the throne? Discuss.

Cersei’s last stop on her friendship tour is to Prince Oberyn who is… Wait seriously? Yes he is writing Dornish poetry. My love, Adam, actually called this. Touche. They discuss daughters and we get an astounding amount of humanity from Cersei. We learn Cersei’s daughter, Marcella is safe and well back in Dorne probably with Oberyns daughters. We also learn that Oberyn has eight daughters (bastard daughters? I think) who he is very close with, even naming one after his dead sister. Cersei begs him for a favor of delivering a fine boat as a gift to her daughter when he returns home. He will and he reassures her that they do not hurt little girls in Dorne. Cersei, completely on her game for the first time in a lone time, speaks a universal truth: Everywhere in the world they hurt little girls. So is the boat a signal that she could return home? Discuss.
THAT TIME DANY RULED IN MANY WAYS
“How can I rule seven kingdoms if I cannot rule Slaver’s Bay?” -Dany questions herself

Remember all those small council scenes from King’s Landing? We finally get one Meereen style with Dany. It seems Daario has captured the Meereen navy (about 90 ships) without Dany’s order and his reasoning was: He heard she liked ships. HA. This guy is so cool. How long can Dany contain herself? So now with actual ships we actual slide into a discussion about TAKING WESTROS! A problem with this is she may not have enough troops. My problem with this scene was they didn’t even mention her dragons. Wouldn’t that help? Right? RIGHT? The rest of this episode was so sick though I’m just going to ignore it. A bigger problem then her troop numbers is that the other cities (Astapor and Yunkai) she freed have run into some problems: mostly that no one is free anymore. It seems these cities have slid into chaos without her watchful eye with old slave masters taking power again as well as some crazy slave named Cleon. This is a rude awakening for young Dany but also eye opening. She realizes here and now that she does not have enough wisdom to solidly rule Westros so she simply must find more of that. Sure we all would love to see her take her throne back but currently she would never be able to hold it and there is great potential in her considering she knows this. I personally have great patience with Dany as she seems to be one of the only leaders who truly have the potential and patience to be ‘the best’. So bad news: We’re staying in Slavers Bay. Good news: PYRAMIDS! Also it should be shared that Jorah is certainly her most valued adviser. Love Ser Sunburnface.
THAT TIME WE GOT TO SEE A DEAD RABBIT ON FIRE
“Mostly I poured wine” -Podrick on his duties to Tyrion

Stopping for a moment of pure comic relief we get to catch up with Brienne and Podrick. Not only can the poor boy not ride a horse well, but he completely screws up cooking a rabbit for them. Yes, we actually get to see someone try to cook a rabbit with its furry skin still on. And if this isn’t funny enough, Brienne’s reaction faces are absolutely priceless. Can her new stalker/squire do anything? As she begins the tired task of removing her armor he dashes to her side but alas she waves him off. Thankfully she questions him about any combat experience truly expecting nothing and gets a surprise and a half to learn he killed a Kinsguard who tried to kill Tyrion during the Blackwater battle. Putting aside all of the screw ups, and her denial of help, Brienne asks him to assist her with her armor. And we get yet another adorable Podrick smile as some respect begins to bloom between them.

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THAT TIME THROWING GIFTS OUT OF MOONDOORS WAS COMPLETELY NORMAL BEHAVIOR
“Know your strengths and use them wisely and one man can be a thousand” -Littlefinger advising Sansa

Littlefinger and Sansa are approaching the Bloodygate of the Eryie and we are treated to some killer shots of the traitorous mountains surrounding their destination. After all this talk about how impossible it would be to attack this great sky castle do you want to bet there is some major battle heading there in the future? Anyway, Littlefinger sneaks Sansa in and we are treated once again to the crazy mother-son duo Lysa and Jon. Little Jon is still super asbergery with a dash of violent nutso, and Lysa somehow managed to not whip out her boob and breastfeed her son and still somehow come off as MORE crazy since the last time we saw her back when she tried Tyrion for his possible hand in Bran’s fall and the murder of her husband. Littlefinger plays them both rather deftly and kudos to not flinching as Lysa kisses him passionately and immediately forces him to wed her there and then. Hilariously she promises to be a screamer in bed that night. Also when Lysa and Littlefinger are alone we get a huge show-changing reveal: The Lannisters played no role in Jon Ayyrn’s murder back pre-series and it was actually Lysa doing Littlefingers bidding. WHAT! That’s right. He asked her to murder her husband and then send a raven to Catelyn and tell her it was the Lannisters. WHAT. Man, I want to hate this man but ought we bow to the true king of this game? What a reveal. Varys lines about Littlefinger being the most dangerous man in the seven kingdoms last year were so true. He is responsible not just for Jon Arryns death but getting Ned Stark involved at all. Crazy.

Later Sansa gets to witness said screaming while she tries to sleep. It should also be noted that she is in hiding here pretending she is Littlefingers niece and not Lysa’s – They just happen to have the same exact hair. Ha. Anyway, Lysa visits her niece later on bearing some lemon cakes and some friendly conversation about Catelyn. Well the conversation at least started friendly but branched into something crazy Lysa has apparently been dealing her whole life: an intense jealous of her older sister Catelyn. As the oldest daughter, Catelyn was treated as some sort of of prized animal and gifted to Ned Starks cocky wild older brother Brandon who eventually dueled and defeated Littlefinger over Catelyns love. We’ve heard this story before from Littlefinger, and was probably one of the reasons he decided power had to be his weapon on choice in life. For Lysa its all about how Catelyn gets everything she wants. Now here is Catelyns daughter, Sansa, and Littlefinger apparently has gone out of his was for her (ie: bringing lemons for her lemoncakes, and saving her in general). Lysa obviously feels her new husband and old love is already slipping from her grasp AGAIN and only Sansa’s excessive tearful truth-telling clears her of suspicion of sleeping with Littlefinger. She is a virgin and Lysa believes this so much she declares Sansa will marry her son Jon. Gulp. This poor girls situation just keeps souring over and over again. So Littlefinger is obviously playing Lysa like a well tuned fiddle both in bed, and mentally which is both impressive and unsettling. There is simply so much crazy over here.
THAT TIME WE GOT REMEMBER SYRIO FORAL AND HIS GREASY HAIR
“Your friend’s dead and Meryn Trant’s not because Meryn Trant had armor and a big fucking sword.” -Life Lessons with The Hound

Arya is still all about her bedtime death list. Awesomely the Hound seems to agree with her notion to kill his brother but in general this guy just wants to her to stop talking so he can sleep. So wrapping up her list she caps it off with her final name: The Hound. His facial reaction to hearing his own name was sort of awesome because he is just so utterly shocked. Fast forward to him waking up the next morning and immediately noticing his charge is missing. Cue the Hound awesomely freaking out looking for her. Where is she? Did she run? Why didn’t she kill him? But alas he finds her practicing her ‘water dancing’ that Syrio taught her back when her father was alive. He makes fun of her, and pokes fun at everything from her ‘dancing’ to her old teacher dying at some losers hands while Arya grows more and more angry. Finally everything snaps and Arya jabs Needle into his gut… And it doesn’t pierce his armor at all. His shock sours quickly as he backhands her to the ground. Wacky hijinks between besties Westerosi style. But seriously which will kill the other first?
THAT TIME BRAN HIJACKED HODOR AND REDEEMED JAMIE LANNISTER IN A WAY
“We’ll carve em’ up like walnut pie” -Locke hamming it up

We’re back at Craster’s Keep so of course it’s about rape o’clock again. Burn Gorman and some other unfun rapists head into a tent where they are keeping Team Bran tied up so they can happily rape Meera. Lovely. Jojen initially looked worried but as the tension rises and we are left thinking we might have to watch this poor girl get raped but eventually he sees the future and its certainly a brighter one: We get a trippy vision through Jojen’s eyes in which his own hand is on fire and he tells Karl (Burn) that he is going to die and his bones are going to burn up. He also sees Bran continuing his journey and eventually making it to the grand weirwood tree further up north. Karl of course doesn’t believe this until Jon Snow and some of the Nightswatch start their attack on the keep. Huzzah!

Locke worked as a scout for the group, and we saw him scouting the whole keep including finding Team Bran which he of course lies about but telling the men to steer clear of the tent because it is filled with dogs who may ruin their attack and not Jon’s family. So Locke approaches the tent while they begin to attack the mutineers and in the chaos he nearly gets away with kidnapping Bran. He slices up Bran’s leg as proof of his identity before literally untying him and carrying him away like a sack of potatoes but this isn’t some normal little boy. Bran full on wargs into Hodor for a second time, breaks his chains, chases Locke and nearly rips his head off his body. AWESOME. Bran, now back in his body barks orders at Hodor to go free the others and it takes a moment because everyone’s favorite simple giant is also not a killer who clearly is scared of the blood he has on his hands after his head clears. Aw poor Hodor. This is a sweet moment when Bran catches sight of Jon fighting like the hero we all know he is. Immediately he begins to scream for him but a newly freed Jojen warns him down: If Jon sees Bran he knows he would never let him continue on with his journey north. So now faced with his own destiny Bran leaves the keep fully excepting his mission and seemingly beiving this is something he must do. I actually respect this as it gives more credence to his whole plot line.

As for the fighters, Jon is by far shining so it is no surprise that it comes down to him and Karl having it out one on one. This is also basically one last time we get treated to a great villain monologue from Burn Gorman as he teaches Jon a repetitive lesson from this week: Fighting dirty wins the fight. Karl/Burn gets the upper-hand when he spits into Jon’s face and for a moment it looks like this could be it for everyone’s favorite pretty bastard boy but alas Karl/Burn gets a well timed stab to the back from one of the victimized girls he raped. Sadly, it was not a killing blow so he turns and advances on her intent on killing her as well but right before he does Jon does EVERYONE a solid and stabs him through the back of the head, his blade neatly coming out of his mouth. Sick. Awesome. Fantastic. Jon Snow, you just won VIOLENCE OF THE WEEK for that gem. So now the battle is over, and the left over daughter/wives of Crasters turn down Jon’s offer of protection at the wall and decide they will command their own fate (sweet) but not before asking Jon to burn that hellhole to the ground. So Jojen’s vision comes true as Karl’s dead body burns up as well as everyone elses who could potentially become walkers. Also in an uplifting moment, Ghost and Jon are reunited and it feels so good. Story over.
Until next week!