Game of Thrones: Season 4 Episode 7: Mockingbird

GOT6

A Reviewcap By Sagebeth
“Do what you do best – Take off your clothes”

Remember what happened during last Sundays Game of Thrones? Check out the recap to relive all the awesome.

THAT TIME JAMIE DIDN’T REALIZE TYRION WOULD DIE FOR PRIDE
“Brilliant speech, they’ll be talking about it for days to come” -Jamie does sarcasm
Tyrion cannot even pretend to feel bad about destroying his fathers plans for his trial by declaring a trial by combat at the end of last weeks episode. Jamie can’t seem to understand how Tyrion could gamble over his own pride but to Tyrion going to Castle Black isn’t MUCH better than dying. In an unexpected move, Jamie also shares that he won’t be fighting for Tyrion OR Cersei because his fighting skills are totally not ready for anything like that. Hilariously this tickles Tyrion even more: “Where is your sense of adventure?” he chides and points out that if Jamie died it would hurt their father even more. Awesomely he is not even joking. The idea of both Lannister sons dying in spite of Tywin seems like the best thing Tyrion has thought up recently. I also loved Tyrion pointing out how Jamie is still the golden son after all of his mishaps. Is it just me or is Tyrion mentioning the incest nearly every episode now? Man, I love these two together. In the meanwhile, we get a look at Cersei’s champion: The Mountain who is mighty busy slaughtering people like they are mere weeds blocking his path. Cersei approaches, stepping over guts and intestines, and we get a nice quick moment between them: He asks who he will be fighting and she asks if it matters. This is same man who beheaded his own horse for making him lose to Loras Tyrell in a joust back in season one who only beat him because of clever trickery. Who the hell would take this monster on willingly?

got-lulz-nothing

THAT TIME THE HOUND TOOK OFF HIS LITERALLY AND METAPHORICAL ARMOR
“Nothing isn’t better or worse than anything – Nothing is just nothing” -Arya gets deep
BFFs, Arya and the Hound are still perpetually wandering around the countryside heading toward the Eeryie and this weeks hijinks were both informative and fun. First, they run into a dying man and proceed to have a conversation about existentialism. Seriously this all suddenly became a Beckett play. Ahh minimalism. Sigh. Arya wonders why he would go on like this, and how nothing could be worse than this. The dying man counters that maybe nothing is worse than this. Arya, the philosophy major, explains that nothing is just nothing. Finally the Hound puts the man out of his misery putting an end to their little moment. He also explains that he stabbed him in the heart, and gives Arya a little violence lesson on heart stabbing. Love these crazy kids. Unfortunately this is interrupted by men literally sneaking up on the Hound and one of them biting him on the neck. YIKES. Talk about stealth mode. Remember last week when Tywin put out a reward for killing the Hound? They are here to collect. Fortunately the Hound takes care of the first one by way of neck snap, and interestingly enough Arya recognizes the other one. He was in the cage with Jaqen back in season two – It was the same man who promised to “fuck her bloody” with a stick. Gulp. Arya actually shares this knowledge and the second the man tells her his name she slides Needle right into his heart. Sweet. The Hound clucks approvingly: “You’re learning”. I would so watch a show with just the Hound teaching Arya how to kill folks. Also loved the tiny moment of her cleaning off her blade the same way the Hound had just done. This entire scene was a collection of tiny amazing moments.
Later on the Hound is trying to dress his neck wound and Arya insists she help by sterilizing it with fire which prompts the Hound is freak out – rightfully. This leads to the Hound actually sharing his origin story about his brother (The Mountain) burning his face in a fire when he was a child for playing with one his toys. Gulp. So that bit was true. The worst part is his father vouching for his first son afterward. Ouch. Saddest part is that the Hound figures the worst part is that his brother actually did this to him. His brother. So Arya, showing some actual feelings, cleans out the wound with water and begins to sew it shut for him – no fire. I’m always a fan of unexpected infection death but I sure hope that isn’t the destiny for the Hound.

GOT4

THAT TIME A LITTLE COMFORT NEVER HURT ANYONE – FOR ONCE
“You’re not interesting enough to be offensive” -Brienne burns Podrick
It’s that time again to laugh with Brienne and Pod who are sitting down to a nice meal at an inn on the road and who happened to make their pie? HOT PIE OF COURSE! Remember when the brotherhood sold him to a cook? Turns out he found his niche in life as we get a huge reminder of what a blabbermouth Hot Pie is. Speaking of blabbermouths: Brienne straight up asks him if he has seen Sansa Stark. Props to Podrick showing he has in fact learned something from Tyrion as he points out that it might not be best to just say these things in public. Haha. Hot Pie doesn’t know Sansa but he certainly knew Arya so later when they are leaving he gives them a heads up about Arya, the brotherhood, and the hound before gifting them with A PIECE OF DIREWOLF BREAD. This is my example of Hot Pie being a good cook because you can actually tell that this is supposed to be a wolf and not a mysterious glob it looked like when he first made it for Arya seasons ago. Pod steps up his game again and discusses what Tyrion taught him about the great houses and their allegiances and therefore deduces that BOTH Stark girls are probably headed toward the Eeryie. Yes. Win. Hot Pie somehow makes it through another episode without something horrible happened to him – Thank the goddess. Also loved the other call back to season two Hot Pie thinking everyone who wore armor was a knight. Sweet memories. PS: Podricks facial reactions are oh so amazing.

THAT TIME JON SNOW USED GIANTS FOR BIG EXAMPLES OF INTIMIDATION UNSUCCESSFULLY
“I’m surprised you didn’t say hello – The king beyond the wall is your old friend, isn’t he?” Ser Alliser beating a dead horse
Jon Snow is back from his victorious mission beyond the wall and what reception does he get from his superiors? Sneers and insults. Seriously this shit is getting old. Don’t they realize how petty this all sounds? Jon keeps warning them about the oncoming storm of a battle and tries to help by suggesting they flood the tunnels running under the wall and let it freeze – Ser Alliser says a big no because he personally hates ideas? Seriously, the plan sounded fishy but at least Jon is trying unlike them. They also make him lock up Ghost so screw these assholes. They also are making Jon and Samwell take watch on top of the wall until the next full moon. Gee, I wonder when they will see the coming army approaching.

GOT1

THAT TIME BRONN HAD NEW CLOTHES
“I’m a bit short of castles at the moment, but I can offer you gold and gratitude”
“What can I buy with gratitude?” – Tyrion and Bronn banter at its best
Without Jamie fighting for him, Tyrion hopes Bronn will be his champion but we learn that this cannot be when their two bros are reunited again in Tyrion’s jail cell. Bronn shows up dressed like a noble and it is amazing. Seriously, he is dressed all highborn but he still has his jacked up Flea Bottom face so its really great. It turns out Bronn took a hell of a bribe from Cersei in the form of marriage to some “warm and soft” (chubby!) lady. It is actually sort of hilarious because it turns out if his new wife’s older sister dies he may inherit a castle. Oh Bronn! You silly murderer! It is actually a sad scene as these two have become friends but Bronn is still a sellsword and for as much as he likes Tyrion he likes himself more – The saddest part is Tyrion seems to completely understand. He is actually the realist Jamie thought he was. As Bronn points out, when has Tyrion ever risked his life for him? Hard truths. It also should be pointed out that Bronn doubts he actually could win against the Mountain which is mighty scary. Ugh so now we watch Tyrion say farewell to another loved companion.

GOT2

THAT TIME DAARIO JUST WANTED TO PURSUE HIS TALENTS
“It’s tempting to see your enemies as evil, but there is good and evil on both sides of every war ever fought.” -Jorah brings the truth
Daario has snuck into Dany’s private room through her window and I really have to give him points because doesn’t she live in that mega-tall pyramid?! He is there with more wild flowers (lol) and to try to make a dent in his future. He explains that he is good at exactly two things: loving women and killing people so she should get to using him for one of those things. HAHAHA. Now this show usually relies heavily on the exploitation of women so of course we got a great role refusal as Dany instructs him to do something he does best and “take off his clothes”. Now, most straight men are against me on this but we need MORE dong on this show. Dany likes what she sees and they throw down FINALLY.

got-lulz-khaleesi

The next morning Daario does a jaunty walk of shame down the hall and runs into Jorah who can tell by his direction and swagger that he just totally bedded his fave lady. Disturbed Jorah heads to her room and finds her in one of her sexy outfits which probably did not help matters. She reveals that she sent Daario to do one of the things he does best and deal with the slave masters in Yunkai who have retaken control of the city. Jorah is anti-killing everyone again and we get a nice surprise when he actually changes her mind about this. Dany actually makes this better and tells him to totally take credit for this and sends him with Daario to Yunkai. I love Dany but I wish I had more faith in an actuality of slavery actually going away.

THAT TIME BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS
“They will see the lie for what it was: A trick that led them to the truth” -Melisandre’s Bwebs
Melisandre baths for nearly an entire scene with her boobs on parade but the important parts about this scene were less salacious. Melisandre actually admits that a lot of her tricks are just that: Tricks and not actually divine intervention. Selyse is there to look at boobies and act crazy but to also bring up Shireen (lobster girl!) being a total heretical bitch to her. She doesn’t think her daughter should come with them on their upcoming sea voyage (Are they going back to Kings Landing?). Melisandre tells her otherwise and insists her Red God wants Shireen to come with them because they will need her. I doubt it is more reading lesson or cute quips. Gulp. Most people didn’t like this scene but I personally love watching Melisandre be the picture of cool next to the absolutely insane Selyse. It’s captivating.

got-lulz-preparetodie

THAT TIME TYRION WASN’T A MONSTER AND JUST A BABY
“It doesn’t matter, everyone says he will die soon. I hope they are right, he should not have lived this long.” -Cersei on Baby Tyrion
Tyrion is getting one last visitor this day and that is my favorite newbie: Prince Oberyn. This entire scene was amazing as both actors really brought it. Oberyn shares his tale about his first meeting with Tyrion. He visited Casterly Rock with his family when Tyrion was born and Cersei spent most of her time abusing her newborn little brother. It is a detail filled tale letting Tyrion know that his suspicions are right and her animosity runs extremely deep beginning with him killing their mother when he was born. Tyrion struggles not to cry realizing how much his life has been against him since birth – He truly never stood a chance. So many feels! Yet, it turns out Cersei has been extremely shortsighted in her choice of champion because The Mountain is the one person Oberyn wants to desperately kill so in an unexpected move Oberyn says he will fight for Tyrion as his champion. Tyrion’s facial relief is delicious. Both he and I are about to weep with relief. Can’t wait for this whole event to go down – most likely next week.

GOT3

THAT TIME LYSA LOVED GORE!PORN AND THEN BECAME IT
“A lot can happen between now and never” -Littlefinger being Littlefinger
It is snowing at the Eeryie so Sansa is feeling extra homesick – hence she builds an entire replica of Winterfel out of snow. Seriously this makes everything I’ve ever made out of snow looks god damn silly. Young Robin comes outside and she tries to play with the young boy but he totally can’t actually interact on any level socially. He totally breaks part of her kickass snow castle and in a moment of mania Sansa slaps him. That’s right someone must have hit a breaking point because she literally couldn’t hold back. Robin leaves freaking out because no one has ever treated him that way and we find out Littlefinger was secretly watching. So what is creepy-mc-creepster up to? Sansa is just as curious as us and in a move where she actually has balls she demands to know why Littlefinger killed Joffrey. Maybe she suspects it but we all surely didn’t expect his answer. It was completely a move of revenge for Catelyn’s horrible death last season. He loved her. Sansa could have easily have been his kid but since she isn’t he is falling insanely into obsession with her- much like Catelyn. Cue him shoving his tongue down her throat. Fun observation! Sansa did not pull back. She did not slap him. AND Lysa was secretly watching the whole gods damned thing.
Later Lysa is standing by the moon door and summons Sansa. Gulp. She grabs Sansa and threatens to throw her out of the Moon door and the only thing to save her is Littlefinger who suddenly finds them in the room. He asks Lysa to chill, let Sansa go, and he will do the prudent thing and send the girl away. He gets closer and closer to her until finally he is right next to her. We think he may continue calming her but instead he explains that he has loved exactly one woman his entire life. Lysa smiles assuming it is her but he cuts her deep ending his little monologue with his one true love being her sister! Catelyn! Then Littlefinger gives her a moment to realize what he has said before pushing her through the Moon Door. AHH! She plummeted utterly brokenhearted to her death. Littlefinger, Petyr Baelish, has won this weeks VIOLENCE OF WEEK AWARD for that slight of hand. I absolutely love how smarmy clever he can be as well as unexpectedly violent.

got-lulz-littlefingerdealwithit

and scene. See you in two weeks!……for!

got-lulz-payperview

Advertisements

~ by ATOM on May 20, 2014.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: