Game Of Thrones – Season 4 – Episode 6 “The Laws of Gods and Men”

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“I wish I was the monster you think I am.” -Tyrion being boss
A Reviewcap By Sagebeth

This week we got another fun-packed ultra talented hour of Game of Thrones. We checked in with a few players but spent most of our time on one of this years most interesting/captivating scenes on television: The trial of Tyrion Lannister. Seriously I can’t even wait to jump right in so lets just get to it.

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THAT TIME BRAAVOS GOT ADDED TO THE OPENING CREDITS
“He doesn’t just talk about paying people back he does it” – Davos on Stannis
How much fun with it to see this new city rise up onto the game board? It also opened the night as we get a killer CG shot of Davos and Stannis sailing into Braavos beneath a giant soldier statue. It’s sick. What a way to welcome people to the much talked about but never seen free city of Braavos. Too bad Stannis kept that puss face the entire time. First and only stop is the Iron Bank where Davos and Stannis wait for hours for someone to speak with them. We get the impression Stannis has been pacing the entire time which is fabulous. Finally a man from the bank comes to talk to them: Tycho Nestoris played by Mark Gatiss (Also known as Mycroft Homles, co-creator of Sherlock, and writer for Dr Who! Word!). This scene starts awesomely, as Tycho treats Stannis as well as he’d treat any shlub off the street. Note: Stannis and Davos just a solemn stone bench to sit on while the bank representatives get this nice high backed chairs. Telling. Stannis wants money to take the Westros throne from the Lannisters as the rightful heir, promising he will pay them back. This may have worked if Stannis had an ounce of actual social skills and more than one boring facial expression but alas its boring Stannis so they basically laugh it off. Unexpectedly Davos, the man who needs this to work for him the most because his neck is on the line, steps up and gives a passionate plea on Stannis’s behalf. Davos, someone who knows how to actually put on a bit of a show and talk to people, gives an example of of Stannis’s righteous rule in action and shows them his shortened fingers. Personally I never found this as something to put on the plus side for Stannis considering his closed minded social-idiot nature but it is certainly a moving example considering it actually works. Also it should be noted that the Iron Bank ultimately trusts Tywin Lannister over Stannis but his old age is a deterrent. Once Tywin is gone they would rather Stannis over Jamie, Cersei, and they bastard children. Win for Team Death By Fire.

Later on Davos goes to visit an old friend, everyone’s favorite saucy pirate, Salladhor Saan, who is busy with two ladies in some bath/whore house. It also nice to see this guy, because it feels like you are actually Davos visiting an old friend. Davos once again asks his friend to add to Stannis’s navy but instead of promises of gold he actually tosses him a bag of neatly stacked cases of coins from their win at the bank. Ha! Then he tells him he gave the rest to his wife! HA! “You’re not my friend, my friend” Salladhor jokes as the scene closes.

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THAT TIME WE GOT A REMINDER THAT DRAGONS DO AS THEY PLEASE
“There are 212 supplicates waiting Your Grace”
Some cute mini goats are being herded somewhere outside of the city of Meereen while a child tosses rocks into a ravine. Naturally this peaceful scene turns into thirteen shades of awesome within moments. One of the thrown rocks seems to hit something off screen and suddenly Drogon rises up out of the ravine. In all his terrible fantastic majesty this great beast flies up, proceeds to roast the entire pack of goats, and grabs one for the road as a snack. Seriously describing this does not give it justice because it was a visual and a half. Later on, said shepherd took the burnt carcasses of his herd to his new queen, Dany. Now it is time for her to try her hand at this ruling thing, so she meets with people from her mini throne room inside that giant pyramid. Of course her empathy kicks in fully when the man tells her about one of her babies literally killing all of his livestock so she puts on her Oprah hat and gives him three-times as much gold as they were actually worth. You could tell this guy totally didn’t expect her to be so sweet because he literally runs backward out of the room as though he thinks she might change her mind before he gets out. Personally I feel like this was sweet but can anyone else smell the rest of the shepherds in the area burning up all the animals hoping to cash in? I can.

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Dany moves on to her next visitor: Hizdahr zo Loraq. He is a local nobleman who came to basically give Dany lip about crucifying his father who was one of the great slave masters in the city. Look like you should have listened to Selmy! According to him, his father was one of the ‘good’ ones who was against killing all those children that pissed her off so much. All this does cause her to pause but ultimately isn’t this gripe mega cheap? She really shouldn’t be spending time worrying about killing innocent men who were really nice if only she got to know them. However, she does allow him to take down his fathers body and give it a formal burial. PS: His fucking name is killing me – Hes cute but damn.

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THAT TIME YARA HAD THE BALLS
“This is turning into a lovely evening” -Ramsey covered in blood
Last time we checked in with the Ironborn, Yara had decided to rescue Theon from Ramsey Snow and we finally got to get back to this plot-line. So she takes her best men and stages a rescue mission on the Dreadfort. Beforehand she reads the infamous letter from Ramsey Snow to her men, and then gives them an impassioned speech. Seriously it was so awesome Theon would have wept with joy at his sister’s words. Unfortunately, Theon no longer exists and Reek does not want to escape his hell. While fighting through the fort, Yara finds Theon/Reek staying in his very own dog kennel (ugh). While she tries to get him out he literally bites her hand while completely denying being Theon. It’s so horribly sad to think about. And of course time runs out and Ramsey (who was busy having sex when the attack began) arrives covered in blood, shirtless, and with other men. Yara seems ready to fight more but Ramsey sets the dogs loose on them and she has to escape, leaving Theon/Reek behind. Back at their ship Yara tells her men her brother is dead. Ugh. Sad.

Later on Ramsey rewards Reek/Theon for his loyalty with a hot bath. Did this twosome suddenly venture into bad porn territory or was it just me? Ramsey insists Reek/Theon stripes down (britches too!) and into the bath he goes. Who thought we might see some crazy castration mock up on his junk? We don’t but we do see Reek/Theon’s scarred and torn body. It really reminds us that he was a prisoner for a long time before he became this broken person. Once he is in the bath Ramsey approaches the tub and doom echos in his steps. Reek twitches with each step. He coming and he must be about to do something horrible because Ramsey never does anything nice but we are all blindsided by Ramsey slowly cleaning Reek with care before asking him to do him a favor. What on earth could he do for him? Pretend to be Theon Greyjoy to take a castle (probably Moat Cailin where his father wanted him to clear out the Ironborn?). Ha. Seriously this whole charade is one of the most bizarre strange relationships on this show and that is saying something. Love it.
THAT TIME OBERYN REMINDED US THE UNSULLIED WERE GOOD ON THE BATTLEFIELD BUT SHIT IN BED
“So does this mean I’m a master of something now?” -Oberyn being hilarious
Now we get to King’s Landing and the trial of Tyrion Lannister but before the actual trial we got to check in with the new small council. I wish we could always experience everything with Prince Oberyn in the room. It’s always so amazing and fun. For example, when everyone stands when Tywin enters hes stays comfortably lounged with his feet up on the table. Anyway, the subject at hand before getting to Tyrion is in fact the rise of Dany and her dragons in Meereen. Nice. Tywin is in fact worried and wants to start one of his little letter writing campaigns again – UGH Every time he does this someone we love dies. This scene also had some other fun updates. They discuss knowing the Hound is around the Riverlands and knowledge of him killing some of their soldiers with the phrase “Fuck the King” leaving his lips. HAHA! Unfortunately they set a crazy high bounty on him. Sigh. Also Tywin called Cersei stupid for dismissing Selmy. Great! Later on we also got a short scene between Oberyn and Varys. GOLD! Just love how rich all of these characters are. Even conversations focusing on someones missing sex organ are always amazing.

THAT TIME TYRION REALIZED HE SHOULD HAVE JUST LET STANNIS KILL THEM ALL
“Well we mustn’t disappoint father” -Tyrion sarcasm at its finest
Finally the trial begins as Jamie leads Tyrion into the throne room in chains, and this final extended sequence is really amazing. Every single member of the Lannister family has many reactionary shots and they are all to die for. Most importantly this is probably another Emmy win for Peter Dinklage because he owned it on every single level I can think of. First King Tommen recuses himself publicly from the trial before Tywin takes up the mantle and takes the seat of power on the throne. Is it just me or is this the first man who has looked comfortable here? Like it was made for him? Anyway back to the trial: We get many old faces retelling old stories except Joffrey is being made out as a saint while Tyrion is made to looked as worst as possible. Asshole Kingsguard Meryn Trant saying all of the hard truths Tyrion had told Joffrey in the past but forgetting special details like he was stripping and beating poor Sansa at the time. Maester Pycelle repays Tyrion for throwing him in the black cells by naming the poison used on Joffrey and saying Tyrion must have stolen it from his stores. He also called Joffrey the most noble child the gods ever put on this good earth which is so majorly over the top I’m left with vomit in my mouth. Sadly Varys is next on the bandwagon and that pragmatic mess always does what he must and right now that is trashing Tyrion even after Tyrion reminds him of saving them all during the battle on Blackwater Bay. Next Cersei got to repeat that killer “joy will turn to ashes in your mouth” line which is not helping Tyrion’s case now at all because even I’m starting to see his guilt and I KNOW HE DIDN’T DO IT. Sure they are steamrolling him but the scariest part is that he did say all of these things.

Editors Note: This trial totally reminded me of the series finale of Seinfeld.

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During some sort of recess Jamie decides to go ahead with a wacky plan he has to save his brother. He approaches his father and offers to leave the Kingsguard and continue the family line just like Tywin wants if Tyrion is sentenced to working at the wall and not to death. Tywin jumps on this and his telling smile when Jamie leaves proves that this is exactly what Daddy wanted. So its all going according to plan as of right now. Jamie quickly tells his brother before they begin the trial again and the secret deal is in effect as long as Tyrion pleads for mercy and doesn’t throw them any more wrenches to dodge. Cue the final witness coming to the stand: Shea the funny whore. Uh oh. Her testimony is the worst of the bunch: damning Tyrion by saying she had first hand knowledge of the murder from Tyrion and Sansa scheming on it together. Shit. It gets worse. She begins revealing intimate details and pet names between them but twisting the truth so they come out like insults and not terms of endearment. Ugh. He actually verbally begs her to stop and its not to stop testifying but to stop breaking his god damn heart. Also by the amount of times Shea wearily shoots glances at Cersei I’m guessing she is the one manipulating/intimidating her.

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After all that bullshit Tyrion is seemingly ready to confess. He’s got something to say. The secret plan is about to be set on fire as Peter Dinklage shows pure talent with this outburst. Tyrion lashes out verbally on EVERYONE in the room and says everything he has kept bottled up his whole life. The only thing he is guilty of is being a dwarf and after literally saving all of their lives no one gives him any appreciation. To Cersei especially he says “Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores!” (NOTE: He actually called Joffrey a bastard publicly – score!) Tyrion is more willing to face his death than follow into another one of his fathers plans so Tyrion pulls his last card and leaves it in the gods hands: TRIAL BY COMBAT. YES! Now I don’t know how this will go down – Will Tyrion have to fight? Can he name anyone as his champion? Can they refuse? Who would fight for Tywin? Sure hope its not fire. I have to give this weeks VIOLENCE OF THE WEEK AWARD to Tyrion for chewing out an entire room of people. That right – over the Ramsey vs Yara showdown.
Until next week. Now excuse me while I re-watch that Tyrion speech over and over again.

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~ by ATOM on May 12, 2014.

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