True Blood: Season 6; Episode 1: Who Are You, Really? Review/Recap by Sagebeth.
As we all know ‘Waiting Sucks’ but this sucktacular wait is over as season six of True Blood began last night. The premiere was typical True Blood fanfare: Same ole‘ storylines (essentially) being piled on top of one another. Heartache. Couple Fluff. Gore. Ewwy. Character death. New Characters! New actors! Sexually charged throw away scenes. Messy and overcrowded hijinks. I could keep going but instead I’m going to jump right into a review for the first episode of season six: “Who Are You, Really?”, which was directed by the awesome Stephen Moyer. Much like the last few season of True Blood, last nights premiere was a huge information pile both to remind us of where we left off as well as setting us up for the season so I‘m going to pass on a full recap and focus on reviewing where our favorite characters are at.
OUR TITLE DIVA, BILITH
Until last season Bill Compton has always been a stick in the mud – a pretty handsome stick in the mud but at the end of last season Bill showed how far he has strayed from his roots by outwitting and outlasting the surviving Authority Vamps to win the prize of drinking the entire vile of Lilith’s hallucinogenic blood ending with him seemingly DYING and then LITERALLY resurrecting out of his own pile of death goo to become…. SOMETHING?! Last season chillingly ended with Bill resurrecting into a bloodied monster, with huge fangs, and the opening moments of this season we got something special: We got Bills point of view shot from his resurrection. This includes a bloody-haze vision, Sookie with light literally spilling out of her mouth, and Eric looking uncharacteristically terrified. It was cool and utterly worth it. After that there is some pointless running, chasing, and gun shooting scenes but the entire sequence ends with the car full of heroes trying to speed away from a crazy monster looking Bill who doesn’t give chase but rather levitates for a moment before flying away. WTF?!
The mystery of ‘What is Bill?’ no only is the purpose of the episodes title but a driving issue for most of the characters to make their first decisions of the season. Is he a Lilith reincarnation? Is he reborn in her image? Instead of answers we only get more questions as we get some more time with Bill later in the episode. After calling to Jessica through their ‘bond’ we find out that Bill isn’t just a scary Monster he is always seemingly just ‘Bill’ or rather Bill with crazy powers. After assuming he has died again after finding a mysterious pile of red ash, Jessica and Sookie find Bill looking utterly fine – other than the whole creepy factor. Before they can continue to question him Nora and Eric make an adventurous entrance trying to stake Bill but he bats Nora aside like a play thing, and for the first time ever Bill is stronger than the older Eric. As Bill begins to get control of the stake and turn it on Eric Sookie does the unthinkable: SOOKIE STACKHOUSE STAKES BILL COMPTON. This only gets more ridiculous as we are now treated to another first: Bill survives his staking and takes it out of his chest looking less than happy. Whoa. This was when I realized how much Sookie wasn’t lying: She really is so done with all this bullshit and she truly doesn’t believe Bill is still alive in the creepy husk waking around surviving staking’s, using telepathy, and seemingly being able to cause minor earthquakes. Jessica however is reverting back to her teenager within eating up everything Bill says and getting super pissed that Sookie would seriously try to kill him. Props to costumes for making Jessica’s homemade V-neck a more attractive shirt than when it began. After kicking everyone out, Bill and Jessica commemorate Fathers Day as he tucks her into bed with a warm cup of true blood. Both aww and creepy at the same time. Do you believe Bill? Or rather Bilith (As Pam called him)? His whole story seemed cheap until by the episodes end Bill hears someone calling for him and when he finds the source of the voice he find three separate Lilith-like entities surrounding him and before we can even guess what’ll happen they rush him jumping seemingly into his body – Is this where the monster part comes from? Or is this like a second stage of the whole evil Lilith plan? So many questions but it wouldn’t be True Blood if it didn’t end with something wacky like that happening.
NO MORE LUNA BOOBIES, AND SAM LOOKS GOOD IN GORE
Last night we also came back to a very fun plotline concerning Sam, his shifter girlfriend Luna and her were-daughter. Last we saw Luna had just changed from pretending to be Steve Newlin back into her on live television therefore clarifying to the world that its no just Human and Vampire but also some other things (Werewolves, shifters, etc). It had been so long I initially forgot that shifting into a human form is harmful to Luna so when we caught up with this little quasi-family I was dope slapped with the realization that Luna wasn’t going to make it out of this scene alive. It was actually pretty touching, as Luna collapses from her Newlin skinwalk, and asks with her last breath for Sam to watch over her daughter who is also watching this tragedy unfold before eyes. Aww. One single tear – er – sort of.
Later on Sam carries a sleeping kiddo to his bar to get ready to take care of her when he is shocked to find Lafayette has been sleeping in his office (sobering up from those crazy margaritas last season during the Andy-birthing event). They talk but Sams secret blows up when the sleeping child wakes up and legit tells Lafayette that her mother was Luna and she died – and she hungry. In a move only Lafayette can master he invites the girl to the kitchen where he plans to make her something super yummy (deep fried sugar something or other, haha) and also sweetly mentions doing her hair. He also calls himself La-La which is his mothers nickname for him. Was that Lafayette getting parental?! Anyway, Sam asks for Lafayette to forget he saw them for their safety and proceeds to finally cry over Luna when Emma is out of the room. Single-dad on the run hijinks, here we come!
ALCIDE PACKMASTER, RIKKI BITCHMASTER
This plotline is leaving me wishing they would rather just have Alcide walk around shirtless eating watermelon but here goes: Alcide is now the bonafide pack master right after killing the old one last season. The downside is he is still high on V, and the downer side is as Martha inform us: Power is a worse drug than V. Seriously, they are sending Alcide on a power trip now? This poor asshole never even wanted to be pack master and now this is his storyline. It gets worse as slutty-were (who needs names!) gets all up on him as Rikki spies them from the trees. They hear her and separate. Slutty-were takes the blame but the feminist in me is so pissed even though I should be used to needless exploitation by now. This is where this show tricked me – I fully thought Rikki was going to rip this girls throat out, and she practically mimes doing it but instead she kisses her and then forces her to her knees in front of Alcide. I’ll let you imagine what she does there, on her knees, as we, the viewers are left to imagine what else Rikki is going to do to prove to Alcide that she is his main Bitch.
SOOKIE FELL FACE FIRST INTO A GOO PILE AND IT WAS AWESOME
Our southern sweetheart is missing her roots bad. After all the craziness of her life for the passed 3-4 season or so she has been everything but a simple blond waitress from Bon Temps and girl misses it. Between the death/evolution of Bill, and the other nonsense Sookie yearns for normalcy as we found out from a touching conversation between her and Eric. Eric, the more interesting of her love triangle has transformed over the years into a softer version of himself leaving me often gawking at my television screen when he gets to emote to her in the slightest. These two have in fact found a much more solid ground to interact with each other on. He protects her. She helps him when they escape the Authority. She stakes Bill to save him. He walks her home, and actually opens her front door with his own key reminding us that he sneakily bought her house but he solves this problem as he awesome fills a pen with his own blood to sign over the ownership of the house back to her. Right when I let myself believe that maybe – just maybe Sookie was ready for a real Eric relationship (rather than an amnesic one) she does something unexpected that angered me but left both her and Eric has better characters: Once Sookie has ownership of her house again she takes back Eric’s permanent invitation and we are treated to Eric peacefully leaving, truly letting her go to be ‘normal’ while he follows up on the Bilith stuff with Nora. They gaze at one another one last time leaving a very final tone – which leaves me hoping this is a false-flag and Eric and her will go back to kicking ass and taking names together soon but seemingly its for naught.
EVERYTHING IS BETTER THAN THE WALKING DEAD
I feel like recently a ton of shows are using tropes from my least favorite zombie tv series just to prove that some of this shit can be down right – True Blood has enter this race now as the add a new character: EVIL GOVERNOR. At least that’s my take as this character is shown seemingly having multiple agendas. Is he political? Or is his hatred for real? In this episode we meet him at a press conference where he is doing some active hating on vampires and using human fear to get people on his side. He actually has a line at one point where he literally says he is “not the new big bad” which is like posting a giant poster that says “IM EVIL BITCHES”. His order of business at the conference was putting the vampires on a curfew, not allowing them to leave their houses at night – you know the only time they can. He also gets hit with a blood bag by a hippie protester which screams evil conservative – at least in Boston. Ha-ha. Later on we are treated to a secret meeting between him and the president of the Tru-Blood industry. They are in dire need of bottling factories and he is willing to become a silent partner (WTF) with the TRU-BLOOD COMPANY while publicly hating on Vampires at every moment he can. He claims it for the money but who else immediately knew this was going to be used to hurt the entire Vampire cause. I do not know how yet but this action will lead to something pro-human and not pro-vampire.
EVERYTIME PAM AND TARA KISS, I HEAR JESSICA SAY “I KNEW IT”
Poor Pam. In an unexpected turn I’m beginning to love the conflicted teary Pam rather than the heinous strong bitch she has been for years. Pam, now separate from Eric whom she obviously loves like both a father, friend, mentor, and lover is sort of falling apart and Tara knows she is the person to help put her back together. They share a touching moment on the beach where Pam actually lets Tara hold her while she cries – seriously this happened on the show and not fan fiction. Later on we get some heartache when Pam finally snaps at Tara who has been badmouthing Eric constantly and informs her that Tara will NEVER-EVER replace Eric in Pam’s heart. Tara is used to being a punching bag though so this probably only added to her resolve. I think this because when a bunch of goons with high-grade weaponry burst into Fangtasia they threaten Pam when she tries to sweet-talk them., and Tara immediately starts sticking up for her girl but this baby-vampire is still too heady for her shit and doesn’t even consider that they are about to literally turn their guns on them. They shot Tara in the stomach with something that leaves her writhing in pain – we do not get anymore other than Tara getting hit and Pam reacting. I love lesbians but I love Pam and Tara more. Both them and the audience has no real idea what to think of them until things are dire. So are you with me? Epic romance or doomed?
BRAIN DAMAGED JASON CONTINUES
Oh Jason – Jason – Jason. I miss when you were nothing but eye candy and awesomely dumb lines but I wholly don’t mind your turn into some more serious action. Jason, using his swift vampire killing ways, helps the whole group of heroes escape Bill but ends his time with them by calling Tara a fanger, ignoring Jessica’s pain, and recognizing Sookies soft feelings for vamps before literally running away from her vowing he is ‘done’ with her sister because of it. By the way this all was happening while he was hoping Nora at gunpoint for “brain raping” him. Nora had good reason though as she heard Jason mention the evil vamp name: Warlow who is (SURPRISE) Lilith’s progeny. While walking home, covered in vampire-goo and blood, Jason tries to hitchhike (hilarious) and somehow it works. Jason gets into a car with Rutger Hauer (!!!) and proceeds to turn back into the silly dumb Jason we all know and love. Instead of realizing right away that this MUST be a vampire in the car Jason shoots his mouth off about practically EVERYTHING including Warlow which leads his vampy- driver to cackle maniacally hinting that RUTGER is WARLOW. However, it was too straight forward and this show usually tells you a fact rather than leaving it up to audience so I’m going to guess this guy isn’t the ancient Stackhouse hating Warlow but some other old Vampire who is about to make this game for interesting. Some other fun Jason stuff was when he admitted to Rutger that he is seeing his dead parents and they are scary and racist now (HA!) and he can’t tell anyone because they will think he is crazy. Jason, sweetie, you sort of are now. He also vows to kill Warlow which makes Rutger laugh clueing Jason in that his driver is a vampire. Jason pulls his gun on him which only entertains the man further. Then Jason shoots only to find out that Rutger is old enough to completely dodge the bullet and fly away out of the car window, leaving Jason heading toward a tree. Poor Jason, always gets the worst deal.
ANDY AND HIS BABIES – OH HOGTITS
Last season we saw Andy get four little gifts from his Fairy mistress: four baby girls. Now, my favorite part of last nights hijinks, we get to watch Andy have a great heart to heart with Arelene. While they both leave poor Terry with all the babies, Arelene is forced to give Andy a daddy pep talk when he reveals (TEARY) that this whole thing is terrifying for him. He also used “hogtits” as a swear word so MY WEEK IS MADE. This whole thing ends with him learning how to put on a diaper, and afterward he tells the little baby that he is going to be her Daddy. The baby hilariously cries but this wasn’t the last we got of my favorite new little family. The next we catch them Andy is woken up by his new brood except not with the wailing of babies crying but a bunch of toddlers calling him Daddy. WTF! Did this happen with Sookie too or is this only from direct Human and Fairy humping?
Well that was the premiere – mostly. It was bad and good much like the entire True Blood series. Is everyone else ready to watch this drunken train wreck teeter on and off the tracks this summer? I am.