Game of Thrones: Best of Season 3 By Sagebeth and Adam.


With the unfortunate absence of Game of Thrones this week, myself and Sage decided to fill the void of this week’s regular recap article with a best of season 3.  We’ll be collaborating on our favorite scenes, characters and general awesomeness that has been season 3.  The initial idea was to do a best and worst but honestly the internet is chalk full of negativity and this season has been pretty tight so I was afraid it would come off as nit-picky.  Therefore we will be talking about what gave us a happy rather than a sad.  Per usual, myself and Sage have not read the books so this article will spoil everything that has happened in the show up until last week’s episode but nothing further from the books and any guess as to what will happen will be purely speculation.  So if I think something might happen and it does, I’m a frickin’ genius, not a spoilerific asshat..  That said, let the gushing begin.

Wildlings, I think I love you.


The first episode of season 3 we get balls deep with the Wildlings.  The audience gets to meet the often mentioned but never seen, Mance Rayder, Giantsbane with his glorious beard, and an actual fucking Giant.  Jon Snow does his best to assimilate with those north of the wall but what really stood out this season was Jon Snow’s counter part, the lovely red headed Ygritte played brilliantly by Rose Leslie. She played a bit part in Season 2 as Jon Snow’s prisoner and then captor but she’s bumped up to major player status here in Season 3.  Weather she is breaking Jon Snow’s balls, going to the bone zone in a cave or marveling at the majesty that is a windmill, she’s just plain awesome in this season.  Unfortunately once her and Jon Snow finally decided to become the hottest couple north of the wall that puts her in the crosshairs of on my hit list. This show has proven to have no problem kicking it’s audience in the balls when it comes to character death and I foresee some of the budding romances in this season coming to a halt via tragic death.  Here’s to hoping Ygritte makes it to season 4.

Locke, you piece of shit.


This show is never short of despicable villains, but what’s one more for good measure.   Locke is a lesser sword sworn to the house of Bolton and Roose Bolten’s best hunter.  For these reason’s he ends up capturing Jamie and Brienne and spending the rest of the season torturing them both.  He cuts of Jamie’s hand, makes him drink horse piss, orders his men to rape Brienne and has her fight a bear with a wooden sword.   This show does a fantastic job of crafting horrible villains, and not the kind you like but the kind you want to see die in a fire.  This guy has almost passed Joffrey on my list of characters I hope get stabbed in the dick area.

The God of Tits and wine.


Easily one of my favorite lines of dialog ever uttered on this show came from the always great Tyrion played by Peter Dinklage.  After getting his drink on during his wedding to Sansa Stark, a drunk Tyrion Lannister has some of the best lines of the season in this one scene.  After being humiliated by his little shit nephew King Joffrey, Tyrion politely informs Joffrey he will be using a wooden cock to consummate his own marriage after he cuts off his present cock.  This exchange was great but not better than Tyrion proclaiming to the party that he is in fact “The God of tits and wine.”  Yes sir, yes you are, and we salute you.

Podrick the Magnificent.


Tyrion Lannister has the best entourage on the show, with the always awesome Braun and his chubby squire Podrick Payne.  Podrick got his due in season 2 when he saved Tyrion’s life during the Battle of Blackwater.  For this heroic effort he is rewarded by Tyrion and Braun with the gift of some naked ladies one would pay for sex.  The modest Podrick accepts these gifts only for Braun and Tyrion to find out the ladies refused payment because apparently Podrick is a secret sex stud.  Who knew.

Lady Olenna is Winning


Lady Olenna Tyrell, the matronly grandmother of the “growing strong” family has been by far my most favorite addition to Game of Thrones this season. She is very much the Dowager Countess of Game of Thrones carrying a hefty bag of zingers and sad but funny truths that most of the Westros population would fear uttering. Maybe it is the writing, or the character in general but I must applaud Diana Rigg for such masterful work. This Queen of Thorns, known for her wit, cutting insults, and all around political awesomeness, has become a sort of foil to the Tywin Lannister character. Both are powerhouses at their jobs, yet both treat life, their families, even intrigue with completely different styles. The reason I see Olenna as coming out on top is her willingness to call it like it is, break all the rules, and still manage to seem like the kind powerless old lady at the end of the day. Now would someone just bring her the damn cheese already. -Sb

The Unexpected Ser


Jamie and Brienne started there long trek to Kings Landing last year but I don’t think anyone really foresaw the chemistry and loyalty they have created with each other in season three. Jamie has successfully completed an impressive 180 for the morality of his character while finding himself both physically and mentally changed after his long stay as a prisoner of war. How can someone try to murder a child in a television show become this well liked? While Brienne, the model knight who would wear loyalty if it was a material, has found herself brought on an even more unexpected journey ending with having a true respect for a certain Ser Jamie. I am hopelessly addicted to their storyline in respect that it is the most unpredictable while staying fruitful while having the best HAND in terms of these characters futures on the show. Get it? HAND. Roose Bolton eat your heart out.  -Sb

Degradation of a Queen


A somewhat huge development for me this season is that Cersei Lannister, the once most powerful women in the Seven Kingdoms, has faded and wilted into a shadow of herself in a beautiful drunken way only Lena Headley can demonstrate with such vigor. From the night of the Battle on Blackwater Bay Cersei has sunk lower and lower down the ladder of power (or chaos if you ask Littlefinger). Between losing absolute control over Joffrey, missing and fearing for the love of her life and twin brother Jamie, as well as age itself are the among the many reasons Cersei is looking more sour than royal these days. Of course this isn’t a bad thing to watch as Cersei is constantly looking like a woman full of angst and revenge, just lying in the shadows waiting for her turn at power again. Until then she’ll be busy shooting daggers at Margaery and making fun of revealing dresses. -Sb

The Rise of Dany the Conqueror


By far the most prominent plotline in my mind this season belongs to Dany and her dragons. Girl is finally getting her shit together and all the hell she has been put through is paying off. Also its hard to not be insanely liked when you FREE SLAVES. Dany seems to be the only crown contender who would seriously treat her people well and when we say her people we don’t mean the handful of noble families. Her entourage is filled with all kinds: Jorah, her ever-eye-sexing devotee. Barristan Selmy, who is made of honor tied up with loyalty. Her hottie translator. And now a newest sellsword who chooses to fight for her because GIRL IS HAWT. Also lets not forget her three gorgeous babies: F$%CKING DRAGONS! But its not her followers and children that fill me with a sense of accomplishment and full majesty but Dany herself, especially after the immediately memorable sacking of Astapor. Checkmark for a full army. Checkmark for constantly growing MUTHAF%^CKING dragons. Checkmark for a Targaryn conqueror prowling once more. -Sb


~ by ATOM on May 29, 2013.

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