Game Of Thrones – “Kissed By Fire” Season 3 – Episode 5 A Recap – By Sagebeth

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This week we watch the Hound be judged by a god, sneak in a bath with Jamie, Brienne, Jon, and Ygritte, Robb start losing his little war, and watch how Tywin solves family problems.  Following last weeks gem of an episode is difficult but this season has yet to let up on the gas pedal as episode five is just as lovely, slightly slow at times, but utterly fun to behold at the end of the day. Lets get to the good stuff:

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WHEN BERIC GOT A LIGHTSABER
“Lord, cast your light upon us”, Thoros of Myr begins this episode as we pick up where we left off last week with Beric entering a trial by combat with Sandor, the Hound. Beric problem thought he wasn’t coming off as balling as he is so he rubbed some blood on his sword and it freaking lit on fire. Turns out Beric’s really tight with the Lord of Light, as well as Thoros who is more of the priest of the bunch hence the medieval light saber play.  Thoros asks the Lord of light to be the judge of the Hounds guilt and the dueling begins. Less dueling and more of the battle considering the fierceness with which they fight. The Hound is fighting back but he is terrified of the flaming sword, as well as all fire, considering his horrible run with an open flame as a young boy (The Mountain just flat out stuffed his face in the fire – what a nice brother).  Can I just add it will never get old watching the Hound cower in the face of fire? I will never get sick of his amazing reactions to open flame.
The fight, much like Bronn’s trial by combat in season one, really felt blasted in realism as the fighting spilled into the crowd as the witness try to dodge the violence – including Arya. The Brotherhood begin to chant “Guilty” as if trying to convince their Lord of Light to physically punish him itself. Beric knocks the Hound down and Arya, the little bloodthirsty sociopath screeches for Beric to kill him but alas nothing ever goes Arya’s way and the Hound manages stab Beric through the chest/shoulder area delivering a killing blow, earning his freedom. Arya, in a state of disbelief grabs a small knife and tries to charge at the Hound herself to kill him. She is held back as she tells him adamantly to burn in hell. Poor Arya has been on the run, and essentially alone with her vengeful dreams for so long girl completely loses it – I think it is less anger at the Hound and more at him being on her deathlist of names. The Hound doesn’t help, sharing that their Lord must surely like him better than the poor butchers boy back in season one. While Arya flips out Thoros rushes to the nearly dead Beric, mutters some prayer to their Lord of Light and BOOM Beric stands up like he didn’t just have a gaping mortal wound, alive.
Later in the episode we cut to Thoros letting the Hound know that they are taking his gold but will totally pay it back when the war is over. Haha. He calls them thieves. They sort of admit it. Arya yells more about him being guilty but Beric tells her and us once again that he isn’t and that the Lord of Light isn’t done with him yet. They bag his head again and lead him off into what destiny awaits him.
Gendry, much like Hot Pie, also has some news for Arya. He is going to stay on and work for the Brotherhood, leaving her. She’s shocked but he explains that he is extremely done with serving men and he never had a family so their little family is perfect. Heartbreakingly Arya says she could be his family but he denies her saying that she wouldn’t be family but “milady”. Cute and sad. If they weren’t 47 years apart I’d root for a romance.

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Later that night by the fire Arya proves that she will be forever haunted by her fathers death, and her quest to kill his wrongdoers as she continues her nightly deathlist (saying the names of those who she sees responsible for her fathers death). She then goes on to have a conversation with both Thoros and Beric. She finds out that she is being returned to her brother at River run – for a price. No matter how annoyed this makes her I still think she should realizes that her situation could be so much worse. Thoros admits that Beric likes her father so much he wanted to waive the ransom but it is war time and they need the money. We also learn that Beric has “died” six times including that last stint with the Hound and his red priest, Thoros as brought him back each time. Thoros insists it the Lord of Light that brings him back and hes just the lucky drunk who says the words. Beric admits each time he comes back from the brink hes “a bit less”. Arya goes on to ask if they could bring her father back – aww sad. Its easy to forget at the end of the day Arya is a little girl. A sad little girl.

WHEN JON GOT SOME
Giantsbane, and the annoying warg, Orwell, are grilling Jon Snow about the Nights Watch defenses because they are supposed to be scaling the wall and attacking Castle Black from the other direction. There is a whooping 19 castles guarding the wall but it turns out only three are actually manned. Jon reluctantly shares this information but I’m also fairly positive he is a lying liar who lies because he claimed Castle Black has at least 1000 men still arming it which sounds so horribly over the top. I picture the old Targaryen maester dude just sitting there hanging out with his ravens, being blind and alone. The Wildlings also warn Jon here again that if he is lying they are totally going to kill him in a creative gruesome way.
Cue Ygritte not being able to not torture/flirt with Jon Snow. She rips his sword off him, which looks scary easy, and proceeds to teasingly run away leading him to a gorgeous natural wonder: a cave self-heated with hot springs and a waterfall. Are there many of these beyond the wall? Already seems better than regular Stark northern territories. Anyway back to Ygritte because this lady starts undressing while explaining that she needs to be sure Jon has completely broken his Nights Watch vows and therefore he needs to break his celibacy rule with her right now. Now completely nude she approaches Jon and he is hesitant to break his vow and nervous as hell considering he is a virgin but there seems to be a wall breaking. Ygritte questions why the hell he is still dressed and they get to kissing. He kisses down her body as Ygritte spouts out “You know nothing, Jon Snow” but her sentence stops at the end as Jon begins kissing her lower and lower proving that maybe he knows a little bit of something.

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Afterward while the two lie naked bathing in their sweet aftermath I’m struck deaf blind and dumb by seeing something we have never seen in this show: JON SNOW IS SMILING. Ygritte questions him concerning his going down on her, is that something Lords do with their Ladies in the South? I think this girl was debating a side change purely based on oral sex. Jon admits that he just wanted to kiss her there and she seems to like it. Ha. Jon also admits he was “a maid” before her. This leads to Ygritte remembering some of the boys she’s gotten down and dirty with before him. This of course whips the beautiful smile off his face but makes me giggle. Ygritte also namedropped this episodes title referring to her first sexual partner as having red hair like her, or “kissed by fire” as the wildlings call it. This is apparently a lucky trait to get and an affectionate term for her. Jon thinks they should get back but Ygritte is down with him yet. She then asks when was the last time he had a bath (I loved the bathing development this episode. Everyone on this show is so dirty they barely look like they did seasons ago)They end up taking a sexy bath in the hot springs,  and Ygritte shares that shed rather never leave and go back to the wars, monsters, and all around horribleness outside of their little sex den. I’d rather you both stay clean and sexy too.

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WHEN QYBURN GOT TOO BOLD
Brienne and Jamie are brought to Harrenhal which is housing Roose Bolton, one of Robb’s bannermen. This entire scene left me baffled however concerning Bolton’s behavior. He is extremely civil, asking Locke to literally pick up the man he’s been beating for miles. He also is a taken it back when he notices that Jamie has had his hand taken from him. Angered at Locke bad treatment of a prisoner, an important prisoner at that, he orders they depose of Jamie’s rotting hand and send both Jamie and Brienne off to be found accommodations.  But, further confusing me, Roose also cruelly lets Jamie think for a moment that Cersei is dead.
He also has Qyburn treat Jamie’s injury. Qyburn was the poor soul left for dead in Harrenhal when Robb first showed up there this season. While attending to Jamie Qyburn finds that the stub is horrendously infected and Jamie asks of his fate. He will not die but it would be safest to take off his whole arm. Delirious from pain and infection Jamie refuses. This is also about the time that Jamie figured out that Qyburn is missing a notable chain showing that he is a Maester – this is because Qyburn is not a Maester because he strips of it for conducting experiments that were too bold. Starting to think Jamie passing on the milk of the poppy was a good thing – Who knows what craziness he’d find upon waking. Qyburn relents saying he can try to cut out the pieces of rotting flesh and burning out the wound with boiling wine. Jamie prepares to scream loudly.
Later on Brienne is busy in the bath trying to scrub the grim off her body from her travels. It’s strange to suddenly see her so clean. Jamie joins her, looking even weaker than he did before. Brienne  initially is only slightly nervous of him but when he fully stripes down and starts walking past an empty bath to join her in hers. She panics. He reflexively starts teasing and making fun of her again until after an ill-timed Renly remark Brienne snaps and stands fully up in the bath, naked, forgetting her shyness. This actually jars Jamie a bit, and for probably the first time in his life he apologizes. Brienne even takes a few moments to realize he isn’t kidding. He’s just so tired from all the fighting. This launches Jamie into the story of when he killed the mad King which was much more supportive of Jamie than any other way we’ve heard it. Mad King Aery’s apparently had secret caches of Wildfire hidden all around the city and when the Lannister forces turned on them at the end of the war he wanted to use said Wildfire to take everyone out with him. Jamie also shared that the king ignored his advice to surrender, and when Tywin started to sack Kings Landing the Mad King ordered Jamie to go kill his father. Of course Jamie made the correct decision to screw that plan, kill the wildfire wielding pyromancers and stab Aery’s in the back. Brienne, and me, question why he didn’t tell Ned Stark that very story when he caught him in King’s Landing and it was because Jamie is still a proud lion at the end of the day and what lion lets a wolf judge him. Brienne watches this entire tale as riveted as we are and catches Jamie when he starts to faint toward the end of his tale. She screams for someone to come help with the Kingslayer and Jamie sweetly tells her to call him Jamie.

WHEN PODRICK WENT TO VOLANTIS FOR FIGS
In Kings Landing, Cersei is further inquiring into House Tyrell’s motives and plans and recruits Littlefinger to help her find something substantial to show her father before Littlefinger is set to leave the capital. In another room Olenna and Tyrion are sharing the screen. Awesomely Olenna is tearing Podrick apart, I’d love to hear her question his sexual conquest. She finally demands figs for her bowel movements (Ha.) and we really dive more into both characters motives for the scene. Tyrion, probably paranoid about his new job, is coming to Olenna to help pay for the ridiculous royal wedding. Olenna in response literally turns her tongue into a hammer and begins beating the poor man into the ground picking apart his arguments and motives. Then she does a complete 180 saying they’ll flip half the bill for the wedding anyway, shocking him. This was Olenna’s way of making it clear that this is a voluntary action and not an obligation. She also smacks him down more for not living up to his exciting drunken debaucherous reputation. I’d love to see these two share a scene with Tyrion also on his game in the future.

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In the gardens Margeary and Sansa are watching Ser Loras practice his sword fighting and Sansa is legit getting all hot and bothered. She asks Margeary “Do you have any idea when we might…?” leaving the audience to imagine the array of things Sansa is asking here. Margeary, ever the player, continues the innuendo saying she’ll “plant the seed” once she becomes Queen. Loras is busy flirting with a pretty boy squire to pay attention to much else which leads to some heavy guy on guy action between this new pretty boy and Loras. Loras wants to know how the guy knew about him being totally into guys. Jokes on Loras (and the Tyrell’s) as new pretty boy was actually sent to spy on Loras by Littlefinger. Making matters worse he gets some precious information out of Loras: his engagement to Sansa.
This leads to lie-ridden meeting between Littlefinger and Sansa concerning the possibility of him spiriting her away. My favorite little bit of this scene is that since earlier Sansa has changed her hair style to match Margeary’s which was subtle enough but was only made better when Littlefinger bluntly points it out. Sansa side steps saying many ladies where their hair that way. As for leaving with him, she lies and pretends she wants to stay in Kings Landing for his (Peters) safety. Littlefinger pretends to be completely fine with everything even though you know he’s extremely annoyed at the girl.

WHEN ROBB IS CURSED
In Riverrun, we arrive just as confused and scared as the young Lannister boys, Martyn and Willem as they awaken to a loud commotion outside their prison cell door. It is effectively disturbing to think about as we watch one of Robb’s bannermen, Lord Karstark, fights his way into the room with a few of his men. Willem, just as baffled as us, asks if this is a rescue. Karstark answers him by brutally murdering both young boys. Martyn pleads until the end that he is just a squire. Cue the next silent scene as Robb and his family look down at the murdered boys. Robb, rightfully disgusted mentions that Karstark needed five men to cold-blooded murder two defenseless unarmed squires in their prison cell. Karstark calls it a fathers vengeance but I see that only working if he had killed the man responsible for his heartache: Jamie and not two pointless relatives. Karstark blames Catelyn. Robb doesn’t see how he can even though Catelyn did let Jamie go free all those months ago. Robb still cries treason and Karstark says the only treason is letting their enemies go and not killing them, if Ned ever taught him that. Blackfish chimes in slamming his fist into Karstark’s face. Robb calls him off and Karstark explains that he fully lost faith his their King of the North even poking fun at the name saying perhaps now he should be known as the King who Lost the North after losing Winterfel. Robb orders all the men to be hanged and when one of them complains that he was just the lookout he orders him to be hung last so he has to watch the others die much like he watched this entire treason episode. Karstark himself is sent to the dungeon.

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Robb’s uncle Edmure steps up to point out that obvious: Tywin cannot find out about this. He proposes that they quietly bury the boys and not speak of it until after the war is over. This whole plot is feeling very real life historical fun relating to the unsolved case of the Princes in the Tower of London. Robb, however, is infected with the same notions as his father Ned. One of these most intense notion is of honor so Robb can’t lie like that. He cant fight a war for justice when there is not justice in his ranks. Absolutely all of his advisers tell him it is a bad idea. Catelyn and Talisa insist that they will loose the Karstark troops if he supplies justice for the dead boys and they are already severally outnumbered. Catelyn votes to keep Karstark hostage so his troops stay. Edmure agrees. Robb ignores them all and orders Karstark be brought out to the courtyard to be executed during a fierce rainstorm.
Karstark, on his knees now, explains how both Starks and Karstarks have the blood of the First Men in them and that House Karstark is literally kin to the Starks (a cadet branch founded by a Stark younger son in the past). Robb entertains that the fact that being related by blood will not stop him from killing Karstark much as it didn’t stop Karstark from betraying Robb. Karstark regains the upper hand as he tells Robb he doesn’t want him to change his mind – He wants that little fact to haunt Robb for the rest of his life. With his last words Karstarks says Robb will be cursed for kin slaying and that Robb is no king of his. Robb ever obedient to everything his father ever taught him, knows the man who passes the sentence must swing the sword, and takes off Karstarks head himself. Couldn’t have been worse for Karstark – imagine Theon taking his head off. Robb walks away, fists clenched, absolutely furious.
Later on, we find out how right everyone was about the Karstarks leaving Robb. He doesn’t have any clue how to proceed from here. Talisa thinks he should try to find a new purpose for his army. Robb asks how and funnily Talisa wants to help more but she doesn’t even know where the hell Winterfel is even located on a map. Hilariously Robb sweet begins to gives her a quick Westrosi map lesson when suddenly he is struck by an idea. He cant force them to fight him, and he cant attack them where they are strongest: Casterly Rock. He wants to take the Lannister’s personal home. One problem is that he needs more man to do so and there is only one Lord he knows of who may give him the men he needs: Walter Frey. This is the same man who asked Robb to marry his daughter in order to cross a bridge last year. The same man he scorned in order to marry his ‘true love’ Talisa. Her face is sort of priceless.

WHEN DEAD BABIES WERE IN JARS
In Dragonstone we finally meet Stannis’s sad looking family. These bits are the most boring but I’m still very interested in how these characters turn out. It opens on a close up on his wife, Selyse’s, face which is pretty haggard for this show. A surprise is that she seems even more devoted to the Lord of Light than Stannis. I also want to note that in Melisandre’s absence Stannis looking much more boring and sullen again. He visits his wife, perhaps missing company and of course makes the entire encounter about him by telling her about his infidelity with the Red Woman, effectively dumping his guilt on her. Another surprise here is that she is cool with it. Melisandre already told her EVERYTHING and she’s convinced it is something the Lord of Light wanted. We also figure out that Selyse is so broken because of her guilt at not giving Stannis a living son. Cue the creepy jars of dead baby boys! Seriously this lady is keeping her dead babies around much like the Governor on the Walking Dead kept his heads in jars.
Next on Stannis’s list is visiting his young daughter in her dingy cell named Shireen. It’s a little confusing but it seems that Stannis hasn’t seen his daughter in a long time. This is most likely because of her being born with a vagina – or perhaps her deformity. Shireen is covered in something called Grayscale which is dead dried skin which looks like scales coverings parts of her (reminds me of leprosy). She’s asks about his battle at Blackwater and inquires about Ser Davos who is turns out was one of her besties. She shows Stannis a gift Davos made for her before they left for the battle. Stannis, ever the dickhead, nips the kind moment in the bud and tells his daughter that Davos is a traitor and in the dungeon rotting away. Very nice Stannis you mind as well tell her she looks ugly today too.

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Of course this little girl is cute as hell – even with her greyscale as well as courageous because she decides to go visit her friend, the Onion knight, in his prison cell. She adorably gets his attention and his quick reaction of “Princess?!” was equally as cute. He keeps insisting she get back to room, so she wont get in trouble, but she just needs to know how he is. Is he really a traitor? He says yes probably hoping she’ll leave but of course our cutest new little lizard girl doesn’t care because Davos is her ‘friend’. She goes on to show him a book she brought him to read in his prison cell about Aegon Targaryen the Conqueror. Davos denies his fine gift by explaining that it is wasted on him because he’s illiterate. She insists on teaching him though instead of just walking away like he wants her too. Aww. She awesomely asks what he thinks they’ll do if they find them doing some evil book reading – lock them in cells? This makes both Davos and me giggle because it seems to live with Stannis everyone essentially lives in a cell and even the little thing knows that – hence her room being very cell-like as well. Davos, his resolve breaking by cuteness, says he doesn’t know where to begin and sweet little lizard girl says the beginning and begins explaining the words to him. As she speaks about the great Aegon and his conquest to Westros we transition to our favorite new little warlord.

WHEN JORAH AND BARRISTAN HAVE AN OLD MAN SLAP-FIGHT
Catching up with Dany, we see her riding with her army (as they head to more slaver cities I think) while a conversation between Jorah and Barristan is highlighted. Both older men are discussing the Greyjoy Rebellion that they both fought in. We learn that during a siege on Pyke Jorah followed Thoros of Myr and his flaming sword into the fight, being the second man through the gate. This was the bravery Jorah was knighted for in the past before he brought shame to his house and family by selling slaves. It is made more funny however as Jorah explains that during the entire knighting ceremony all he could think about was how much he had to piss. Ha. Moving on Barristan explains the problem with King Robert – He was a good man and good warrior but a terrible King. This moves him to lament his career of protecting Kings who didn’t deserve it: Robert and Aery’s. Unlike Jamie, Barristan views his own honor much more highly hence him not wanting to break his vow. Barristan just hopes for one day before he dies he could know what its like to serve with pride and actually fight for someone he believes in.
Naturally this discussion turned to Daenerys, and Jorah lets him know that he can surely believe in her. Also noted that it seems like Jorah is falling more and more in love with this girl as she seems to be pushing him further and further behind her. Barristan brings up the delicate matter here of a public relations. Dany being seen with Jorah could injure her because of his bad reputation of selling slaves in Westros – where is abhorred. Jorah admits he may never drop this rep but this leads to something much more interesting: Jorah subtly inquiring about the small council. This is Jorah’s way of trying to figure out if his big secret is revealed: That he was a spy for King Robert back in season one before switching fully to Team Targaryen.
Meanwhile Dany and her hottie translator are meeting with some higher-ups in the Unsullied army. Speaking in their language she waxes poetic about no longer being slaves and the need for them to choose a leader in their army. They part ways and we meet one of the Unsullied finally. He removes his helmet and says his name is Grey Worm. Uhhh hottie translator explains that this was a name given to him after he had his ‘root and stem’ cut off. It is a name meant to demean him and constantly remind him that he is vermin. Now fully disgusted Dany tells them they must choice new names or retake their old ones but this Grey Worm goes on to warm this Dragon Mothers heart. He shares that he will keep his name of Grey Worm because his original name is cursed because it was his name was he was taken into slavery. Grey Worm however is a lucky name that fills his pride because it was his name when Daenerys Targaryen saved him from his fate. Dany is very touched by his loyalty. I wonder if she is also mourning his man parts, considering his cute face.

WHEN TYWIN ACTUALLY SAID ‘WED HER, BED HER, PUT A CHILD IN HER’
As the episode draws to a close we step back into Kings Landing to sit in on a family meeting: Tywin, Cersei and Tyrion. Naturally Tywin is extremely unimpressed with how Tyrion has been fairing with the marriage plans and the money that concerns it and explains that there is something more important to discuss. This whole time Cersei is staring at him with such a look on her face that I cant help but giggle. Tywin explains the Tyrell plot to marry Sansa to Loras, and therefore stealing the North. Tywin refuses to hand Sansa over though so his solution is to find Sansa Stark a different husband… Tyrion. Silence booms as Tyrion flashes through all the horrible things his family has done to Sansa. First Joffrey, and now this, even Tyrion sees this as a very cruel thing to do to Sansa. She’s also a child but Cersei awesomely lets him know that she has “flowered”.  Tywin makes it known that this is the solution they all need, and what he wants so there is no other options. Cersei loving this entire meeting gets her hopes dashed as Tywin lets her know that her brother will do as he is bid… and so will she. Gulp. Cersei completely blindsided gets told she will marry Ser Loras. She wants to fight it but its impossible even with her begging. He also wants the “ugly rumors” about her to go away. As Tywin leaves his children to wallow in pity, the siblings share a quick look that made me wish I could mind read.

-Sagebeth

Bonus pic….

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….get outta my good show!…ah I can’t stay mad at Norman Reedus….get over here you rascal!

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~ by ATOM on April 29, 2013.

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