Game of Thrones – Walk of Punishment Season 3 – Episode 3 A Recap by Sagebeth.

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In an episode filled with a tremendous amount of numerous near misses, it sure hit the nail on the head, or rather the hand on the tree trunk. Executive producers, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, made their directorial debut as well as penning the episode. And sure did it feel special – flipping between being very funny to very rapey in a way only the Game can accomplish. Lets get on with the full recap:

EDMURE WAVES HIS BLUNDERS AROUND LIKE A VICTORY FLAG
“We seem to be running short on patience here” -Uncle Blackfish
“You know who isn’t? Tywin Lannister.” -King Robb

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Edmure Tully, Catelyn Starks brother, is a welcome addition to the Westros crew considering we’ve yet to run into somebody who just outright sucks so much at what they do that’s its funny. We open to the funeral of Catelyn’s father, Robb’s grandfather, Lord Hoster Tully. They are sending him out on a boat as a funeral pyre to be lit aflame and Catelyn’s little brother, Edmure, is going to go the deed – or tries to and fails several times. Then right before their dead patriarch’s pyre is about to go around the bend of a river Brynden “The Blackfish” Tully, Hoster’s little brother, pushes his nephew out of the way and takes care of the job in the badass fashion we are accustomed to. He notes the wind, pulls the bow, and walks away not even bothering to watch his arrow connect with its target. Watching Edmure miss these shots tickled me – I don’t know whose silent reaction was better Robb giggle, the crowds nervousness,  Catelyn‘s seriousness, or Uncle Blackfish‘s annoyance.

Afterward Brynden “The Blackfish”, silly Edmure Tully, and King Robb are meeting concerning the now failing war. Things are not going well since the Lannister’s defeated their enemies in the south (Stannis). With their marriage alliance with House Tyrell, they have superior numbers, wealth, and strategic position. Edmure, sincerely thinking it wise, decides to raise the mood by boasting of his win over The Mountain’s forces, driving them out of the Riverlands with his capture of Stone Mill. Instead of back and butt slaps Robb and Brynden are rightfully angry – this directly screwed with their plans to lure the enemy forces into the Westerlands. This was the entire point of Robb’s campaign back in season two. They were supposed to pull the enemy troops further away, therefore preventing Tywin from returning to King’s Landing to help defend it from Stannis during the Battle on Blackwater Bay. Edmure still trying to brighten the situation says they at least got two younger Lannister boys as captives. This is a silly argument as having Tywin’s own son, Jamie, did nothing back in season two. Now the Starks entire stake in the war is shitty. As long as Tywin stays patient he can simply win. Robb notes that Tywin is exceptional at patience. Holy Transition!

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TITLES BREEDING TITLES
“I’m quite good at spending money but a lifetime of outrageous wealth hasn’t taught me much about managing it” – Tyrion

Tywin is calling the first meeting of the Small Council since he has arrived in Kings Landing. He changes the location to a room closer to his quarters, letting everyone know who the true dominant figure is in the room. Then in a demonstration of a non-verbal test he invites everyone into the room at the same time, then sits down at a table with a line of chairs on one side. We are left tickled with how each character handles the situation. This felt more like these actors playing a fun drama game. Littlefinger pushes his way toward the front, getting the seat closest to Tywin. Varys awesomely rolls his eyes at the naked ambition, and settles for the second seat (for now I’m hoping). Maester Pycelle, the slow survivalist, doesn’t even speed up, slowing ambling over to the third string seat. Next Cersei enters, and upon seeing the lowly options left to her does what she does best. Change things to match her taste. She drags one of the chairs to the other side of the table to sit at her fathers right hand. I also want to note that even the horrible sound the chair makes when being dragged sounds graceful from her. Tyrion, last but certainly not least, first notes out loud his fathers obvious display of power showing then in an act of one ups man ship Tyrion loudly drags the last chair to the opposite head of the table position mirroring Tywin himself. Ha. Looks like we just literally were treated a “game of thrones”.

Tywin is pissed considering that between everyone at the table they have the largest spy network in the world but none of them have news about Jamie. The entire northern army knows of his escape but there has been no other word. Concerning the war Varys reports that Robb’s at Riverrun for his grandfathers funeral leaving Roose Bolton in charge at Harrenhal. Of course Varys can’t help but insult Littlefinger concerning his newest accomplishment of Harrenhal (a gift from the crown last season) – This makes Littlefinger owner of Harrenhal in name and less in practice. Tywin is not bothered however as the only thing Littlefinger needs is the title to make him worthy of becoming part of another marriage alliance. This time it will be his own with that of Lady Lisa Arryn (Catelyn’s breastfeeding sister from season one). I wonder if that creepy kid is still breastfeeding. Littlefinger notes that she simply loved him when they are children so she will of course marry him. Pycelle notes that this will further elevate Littlefinger to Lord Paramount of the Vale. Around here is also where I noticed that Littlefinger looks more spiffy than usually, dressing more the part in a golden tunic. This entire thing will help Tywin and the crown because until now the Vale of Arryn has been neutral in the war. If the marriage occurs it will cement that they will at least not be joining Robb’s side any time soon. Also with his marriage Littlefinger will have to leave the small council freeing up his Master of the Coin position. Tywin wastes not time delegating his least favorite (but smartest) son to the position. While this could be seen as Tywin once again giving his son great power and position, Tyrion notes that he knows nothing about managing money. With a few backhanded compliments from Cersei, Tyrion can now deduce that this position is one given so he can be blamed for any mistakes. Yikes.

IF JAMIE WAS A WOMAN HE’D MAKE THEM KILL HIM
“Maybe people just love to over praise a famous name.” -Brienne

Now captured by a man named Locke and a group of men from House Bolton, Jamie and Brienne ride a horse bound together as the men sing a springy rendition of something called “The Bear and the Maiden Fair”. It is upbeat, therefore the actions these men take later really threw me for a loop. Also am I wrong in thinking this song is about a lady having sex with a bear? Ugh Whatever I think this show is just trying to prove you can‘t judge a man by his musical tastes between this week and last week the Brotherhood singing Rains of Castamere. Tied up on one of the horse Jamie informs Brienne that she will most likely be raped by all those men tonight. His honest advice is to not fight it and glibly he adds for her to just think of Renly. They need Jamie alive still but they certainly do not need Brienne. Brienne, incensed, says she will fight them off even if she is killed. Jamie agrees that if he were in the same position he would do the same.

HOT PIE SAYS FAREWELL, AND HOPES NO ONE GETS STABBED
“I like to see a mans face when I put the steel in him” -Hound
“Why so you can kiss him?” -Brotherhood Bowman

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Still in the company of the Brotherhood Without Banners, Gendry has just fixed a steel breastplate for Thoros. Arya wants to know why Gendry is helping them. Thoros points out that they are not prisoners but she is safest with them. Arya’s pointless arguing is interrupted by her spying Sandor Clegane “The Hound” being loaded into a prisoner wagon. She approaches him directly, standing right in front of him asking if he remembers the last time they were there. He simply says all the inns look the same. Arya however was talking about the last time both these characters were there. It is the same Inn on the Kingsroad that they traveled through back in season one. This was when a playmate of Arya’s, the butchers boy, was killed simply because Joffrey is a prick. Man, does this girl carry this angst everywhere with her or what?! Anyway if that little bit seemed pointless we are rewarded for watching by seeing The Hound get his face slammed into the ceiling of the wagon as he is loaded on.

As they prepare to leave we witness a first for this series. A side character is getting a peaceful blood free exit from the plot. Hot Pie has decided to stay at the inn, being hired for his keen bread baking ability. Ugh Fat kids and food. Anyway its better this way as this life of fighting and blood isn’t for this ex-bakers apprentice. Before they forever part ways Hot Pie gifts Arya with a piece of bread he baked into the shape of a Direwolf. A poorly shaped wolf but a sweet present none the less. As the Brotherhood leaves Arya shoots out to Hot Pie how good the treat is even though the head and tail look alike. YAY FOR ANIMAL CRACKERS.

CATELYN MISSES HER CHILDREN, TALISA TEASES CHILDREN
“It comforts me to know that even in wars darkest days, that places in the world have absolutely nothing is happening” -Uncle Blackfish (Especially great line considering the amount of incidents happening around their world)

Back in Catelyn’s old bedchamber we are treated to more of Lady Stark disintegrating before our eyes as she mourns her father with her uncle. She inquires if he cleared the bad air between him and his now dead brother before the end. On his deathbed Lord Hoster told his brother to stop calling himself “The Blackfish” which was some joke he had made up years earlier symbolizes the bad blood between him and his brother. Choked up he admits to people calling him Blackfish for so long he barely remembers his true name. Also choked up Catelyn is happy for him but sad that she couldn’t be there at the end. This bridges to the idea that she used to wait for her father to return home from campaigns as a young girl – much like her young boys Bran and Rickon most likely waited for her to return. Brynden shares that both him and Robb think the boys are alive and in hiding so she should too.

In the Riverrun prison cells Queen Talisa (Wow it sort of took me until now to realize she has the Queenly title now) is bandaging up the Lannister captives: Willem and Martin. At 14 and 15 years old the boys questions about King Robb are amazing and funny. They wonder about his ability to turn into a wolf – Does he eat the flesh of his enemies? Talisa awesomely answers yes – pauses and adds that he doesn’t eat the flesh of children except on full moons. Wittily Talisa asks the guard if it is a full moon. I want to point out that it is unknown exactly how much the boys believe and don’t believe.

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WHITES ARE ALWAYS THE ARTISTS
“Dead or alive they took a big gamble coming North and they lost. The best fighting men are dead and whether he’s the Lord Commander of Nights Watch or a blue eyed corpse he’s a long way from home” -Mance on the Nights Watch

The Free Folk, including Jon Snow, have arrived at the Fist of the First Men – where Jon left the rest of the Night’s Watch army. They find the bloody aftermath – which proves at least one thing: The White Walkers should be some sort of morbid interior decorators. The Watch horses were slaughtered and littered on the ground in a large spiral ceremonial pattern. There is however no sign of human corpses signaling that the White Walker army has grown. Jon asks if Mormont could have escaped – Yes but with only a small amount of a men, beaten, and trying to outrun a White Walker Horde. Mance keenly points out that any of the Nights Watch who died and become a white are longer friends of Jon’s. If I were Mance wouldn’t you suspect this Jon Snow asshole a bit more than they are. I thought he’s switched sides? Whatever. So it seems with the Nights Watch dead or on the run Mance is sending Giantsbane to climb the wall (wait climb the wall?!!? The 700 foot ice wall?!) with a small group including Jon then they attacking Castle Black because it can only defend itself on one side. Can’t wait to see this bit.

Further south we catch up with the remnants of the Nights Watch. Lord Commander Mormont is leading the leftovers of his men into Crasters Keep – a destination from last year (The dude who marries his daughters). Craster openly mocks them, and even seems to be denying them entrance until he eyeballs some of the men stroking their weapons. Even then, while eating inside, Craster continues the open taunting. He even admits to feeding his pigs better than them – this leads to a gross suggest of his. This is that they feed off Samwell on their journey because of his size (“He‘s a walking feast“). Sam’s will is so broken, and his fear is so present he can’t even stay inside with them. So he heads outside where we can hear a women screaming in childbirth. Inside Craster crudely grows annoyed with her birthing screaming but Sam follows the sounds toward a tent outside. Here fate convenes as the screamer is his beloved Gilly. However happiness doesn’t have time to form as she finally gives birth and eagerly awaits to see the babies gender. To Gilly’s apparent horror the baby is a boy. Wordlessly Sam, Gilly, and the audience realize they Craster will sacrifice the baby to the White Walkers – which he also admitted to openly worshipping as gods this episode. Eek!

NOT IN THE IRON ISLANDS
“If you can’t ride we don’t stand a chance” -Theons savior

Theon is spirited out of his prison by an unnamed handsome stranger, struggling to ride a horse after his torture stint. Theon’s escape is initially ended when his captors catch up with him. CHASE SCENE! After a bunch of near misses from arrows Theon takes a mace to the chest throwing him off his horse. Ouch. Then his captors hold him down deciding some hearty rape is the solution to this problem. However right before Theon is about to be viciously “fucked into the dirt” his unnamed savior pops up to truly fit that title slaying ALL of Theon’s present captors with his bow and arrows. Wow. It is very impressive. It only gets even more mysterious when the man calls Theon Lord and lets us all know that they really need to get going because “Winter is Coming”.

STANNIS’S FIRES BURN LOW
“I’m not so easily killed – men have been trying for years” -Stannis

King Stannis, looking a little haggard, is speaking to Melisandre a she prepares to depart Dragonstone by boat. He is worried his enemies, importantly Joffrey and Robb, are laughing at him much like Renly did (I picture his nightmare is all his enemies calling him a ham). Saying that even now she is abandoning him is his dramatic way of trying to stop her. She assures him that she still thinks he is the Lord’s Chosen but she is traveling to the Riverlands to obtain something critical to his cause. Stannis thinks if he turns up his sexy-meter he might be able to lure her into staying but when you’re hard on is based from creating an evil shadow assassin to kill his enemies the lady usually gets a headache. She says he is too weak right now to do that again. Over his further protests she insists what she is after is more power than a shadow assassin baby. In fact she shares that what she is about to do will change the tide of the war but she will need a king’s blood to do it. Stannis is as confused as us until she put its simple. She needs to burn a sacrifice to the Lord of Light and this person must have King’s blood. She can’t kill Stannis to achieve this but there are “others” with his blood she can. This immediately hinting at King Robert’s only surviving bastard: Gendry. Gulp. I’m also fairly certain he is in the Riverlands right now. Oh handsome Gendry – I don’t know if she’s coming to burn you or have sex with you but Melisandre is coming and she seems scarier than winter.

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RHEAGAR IS NOT THE LAST DRAGON
“There’s a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hands,” -Jorah

Dany and company are taking a jaunty stroll down this episodes namesake: the Walk of Punishment. It is a quant strip of land where tortured and punished slaves are displayed basically crucified. Great tourist attraction.  Dany, ever the soft heart at her base, tries to give water to one of the dying slaves. He wont drink though – logic tells me because he doesn’t want to live any longer but his slave status could be to blame.  Dany’s party is made up of two parties: Ser Barristen who votes the get the hell away from the slave city (“We can find soldiers in Pentos”) and the more familiar Ser Jorah argues to purchase the Unsullied (“Is it ‘we’ already?”). Jorah argues that the Unsullied at more fit to Dany’s tastes as they will not rape, pillage, or generally lose control like any other non-slave army would. So does Dany want true passionate soldiers or obedient slaves? Barristen tries to compare Dany to Rheagar, her dead older brother. Jorah takes the connects and points out that for all Rheagars valiance that he is still dead.

Later during her meeting with the Unsullied owner, Kraznys, Dany makes her decision. She wants to buy ALL of the slaves. Dany proceeds to haggle in such a dominant confident way I fall in love with her all over again. She wants all 8000 of the Unsullied as well as the ones not fully trained. She will have all or take none. Kraznys continues to secretly insult the Queen as his translator spins his crass observations into workable phrases on the fly but his man point is that Dany can’t possibility have the money to pay for what she wants. Her answer is offering one of her Dragons. Now this got his real attention. He even starts speaking her language. “Three” – “One” – “Two” – “One”. Dany wins out by giving her largest Dragon to him. Barristen and Jorah are nearly outraged. How could she! She would much more likely win the throne with dragons and not slaves. Dany looks at the men like STFU even though their voiced opinions can only help seal the deal for her. Now seeing the her army in sight, Dany wants the dude to throw in his sexy awesome translator as well. Ha! I’d call that a win if she truly wasn’t handing one of her dragons over to this guy BUT does anyone get the feeling this dragon isn’t going to staying with Kraznys long? I smell burnt slavers possibly in the future, hence Dany clearing the entire place out.

After leaving the meeting, with her army now, Dany scolds the men for undermining her so publicly. I bet they’d never have thought of doing it if she didn’t have boobies. I love the feminist themes found in Westros. Dany goes on to question her new hottie translator: Will the Unsullied be as true to her as she was led to believe? Does the translator actually want to join her team? As Dany lists the reasons why the translator shouldn’t want to go with her I cant help but think it must be a major upgrade from her stay with slaves R us.

THE SCENE BRONN CALLS LITTLEFINGER “LORD TWAT BEARD”
“They’re only numbers on paper. Once you understand that, it’s easy to make them behave. Trivial even. You want a real challenge? Try whores.” -Littlefinger
“I’ve tried quite a few actually” -Tyrion

After the meeting Tyrion heads to the most appropriate place Littlefinger could keep the financial record books for the crown: his brothel. Podrick loads all the books into a wagon while Ros hilariously eye-fucks him into a fit of nerves. Littlefinger insists that this was the safest place for the records and hilariously Tyrion notes that he definitely wasn’t the safest place for bastards – noting back when the Gold Cloaks came to kill one of Robert Baratheon’s bastards who was staying there back in season two. Littlefinger ignores the bait and simply wishes Tyrion well in the position. He also thanks him for freeing Ros from captivity last season – When Cersei confused Ros with Shea. Tyrion doesn’t show his hand simply saying it was all  a misunderstanding – ignoring the probing look Littlefinger can’t help but give him. Tyrion and Bronn leave here, Pod following them with the wagon full of books. They stop in one of the rooms though and we are treated to Tyrion “thanking” Podrick for saving his life last season during the Battle of Blackwater Bay. It turns out Tyrion has paid for Podrick (who is totally a virgin) to be with three whores (one a crazy talented contortionist). Friendship! In this overly sexualized naked party otherwise known as a television series this scene actually felt very beautifully erotic between the gorgeous circular bedded room, the girls, and the nervous Pod.

Later on while exploring the financial records Tyrion notes that there are some problems with the numbers to Bronn. Me and Bronn immediately wonder if Littlefinger is embezzling. But Tyrion says no, indicating it was more like Littlefinger was borrowing all of the money. In the past Littlefinger made his name for himself as a master of money (“He rubs his hands together and poof! Mountains’ of gold”). As he could seemingly collect large amounts of it from out of no where but in reality the throne is severally in debt. Littlefinger appears to have kept the boat afloat but borrowing from foreign banks every year. In particular the largest amounts appears to be between the largest bank in the free cities: The Iron Bank of Braavos. Tyrion lets Bronn know what happens to people who can’t pay their debts with the Iron Bank of Braavos. First they refuse loans and will ultimately lend support to people rebelling against them. INTERESTING. So if they do not pay their debt he fears they will lend their support to either Stannis or Robb Stark in their war effort against them. With amazing timing Podrick returns from his epic deflowering – with the whores wages still in his possession. Initially Tyrion assumes that Podricks nerves got the best of him and he fled the encounter but Pod insists he did all the sorts of things one does with prostitutes (LOL). It turns out the girls felt that the payment was not necessary (Still LOL) for their services. Awesomely Tyrion drops the whole national banking crisis and grabs his wine so Podrick and can tell him and Bronn all about it because they want DETAILS.

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HONOR UNBESMERCHED
“Fighting bravely for a losing cause is admirable. Fighting for a winning cause is far more rewarding.” -Jamie
“Hard to argue with that” -Bolton

Later that night Jamie’s prophecy comes to life as the men drag Brienne into the woods to gang rape her. Jamie, not usually thrown by pointless brutality, seems utterly off put. Whether it is genuine care for Brienne or respect he starts talking her way out of the horrible situation. He lets Locke know that Brienne is the sole heir to the “sapphire isle” and Selwyn of Tarth and they could get a ransom for her as long as her honor is intact. Locke calls for the men to bring Brienne back and tie her back up to a tree.

Jamie perhaps thinking he is gaining momentum starts trying to bribe his way out of the situation again as well bragging the amount of money his father would pay for him. However Locke opinion of the situation is probably a building annoyance. Jamie doesn’t sense it and continues his talking points. Locke sees he must prove to Jamie that his father will never deal with the likes of him by passively suggesting his men let Jamie go so they can dine together. He leads him to a tree trunk and offer it as a dinner table – jokingly however. Soon Jamie is slammed full force into the trunk and Locke holds a knife to his eyeball (EYE VIOLENCE!) threatening that maiming Jamie would surely prove that Tywin would never deal with him much less bribe him. He backs off though and me and Jamie seem to appropriately understand the situation better now. Locke however doesn’t think his point is sticking so to remind Jamie that his father surely cannot help him here he leaves Jamie a little reminder. He slices off Jamie’s sword hand. SERIOUSLY – Locke cuts off Jamie’s hand. For half a second Jamie stares at his decapitated hand in shock but finally he howls in a way I never imagined this character would scream.

We cut to end credits as we are treated once again to a sick version of “the bear and maiden fair”.

Next week: Dany hands over her biggest dragon (Then has him kill everyone I hope). Theon and his savior are still running. Apparently some men are loyal to his sister and some are intent on fucking him into the dirt. Granny Tyrell shares some screen time with Cersei which results in her letting Tywin know that the Tyrell’s are a “problem”. The Hound just wants someone to kill him already and be done with it. Looks like a Craster versus the remaining Nights Watch showdown is coming (hopefully because this guy needs an axe to the face). Sam is telling his sort of friends that they need to get out there ASAP. Dany stands in front of her army. Was that last shot of Bran falling from episode one back in season one? Can it be next Sunday yet?

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~ by ATOM on April 16, 2013.

One Response to “Game of Thrones – Walk of Punishment Season 3 – Episode 3 A Recap by Sagebeth.”

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