Comic Book Movie News Extravaganza!
some of this news contains SPOILERS for some of the upcoming Comic Book Movies; You’ve been warned.
Justice League: I’ve been saying this for awhile; (adjusts pocket protector) The Justice League movie ain’t happening. I don’t think people understand the miracle that was The Avengers, everything allied perfectly to make that movie happen. Naturally DC see what Marvel did wants the same success but it ain’t happening. The last rumor I posted was Joseph Gordon Levitt was going to play Batman but that has pretty much been dismissed by everyone, everywhere. Now it’s being reported by multiple sources that the recent script turned in by Will Beall (Gangster Squad) was ca-ca and DC flushed it. So this turd of a project continues to float listless in the toilet until Ben Affleck shows.
The Amazing Spider-man 2: Lost World: The newest rumor on the squeal to the spectacularly mediocre Amazing Spider man is that director Marc Webb (git it?…spider-man, webb…fuck…mind blown) tweeted a picture of a metal cabinet with the number 43 on it which is some sort of Venom reference (over my head) So we’ve got Electro, Rhino, Harry Osborne, probably Norman Osborne and now (possibly) Venom for this or an upcoming movie. Venom so worked for well for Raimi and company why not shoehorn him in again. Hell do Carnage, The Kangaroo, Puma, The Spider Clone, Rocket Racer, Morbious….I’m sorry what’s that….there’s a strong rumor Morbious is also in the movie….Ok I’ll stop.
Iron-Man 3: Lego released images for their Iron Man 3 toys and gave spoilers for characters listing an Extemis agent as a villian. Extremis is like a redux super soilder serum that turns people crazy/evil. So good on you Legos, you’ve ruined Christmas…actually you saved Christmas, thank you for the legos. Also Pepper Potts will have an Iron-Man suit which is from the comics as Pepper Potts becomes Iron Maiden. Unfortunately none of this matters for me because every time I see her I can never unsee Gweneth Paltrow getting her skull taken apart in Contagion, thanks Souderbergh. (Magic Mike is a really good movie, btw)
Guardians of the Galaxy: The lead for this flick has finally been cast much to my delight with Chris Pratt (Parks and Rec, Zero Dark Thirty) as Star-Lord. That seems concrete, the only other rumor I’ve heard is WWE’s Dave Bastista as Draxx (meh, sure) and Adam Sandler doing the voice of Rocket Raccoon. (PLEASE GOD NO!) It’s going to be distracting enough with a CGI Raccoon on screen, please don’t layer it with one of Sandler’s awful voices. Also this would be a good time to mention my favorite band name from Chris Pratt’s character Ansdy from Parks and Rec is Starship Poopers. (Relevant) Actually it’s Lemon Party. Goodnight.