WWE Summerslam 2012: Results
Santino vs Antonio Cesaro: I didn’t get to watch this match due to interference by work, but the dirt sheets have informed me that Cesaro is the new United States Champion and this pleases me.
Winner: Antonio Cesaro.
Dolph Ziggler vs Chris Jericho: A good choice for an opening bout and as predicted this match delivered. Jericho starts the match with the DDP memorial tapped ribs, which if we know anything about those injuries is that they never go away. highlights were the hot crowd totally split on both guys, Ziggler hit an assroll-neckbreaker and impregnated every girl in the audience and pretty much everything else about this match. Great match thru and thru and I’d say Jericho’s best match since coming back before the rumble. Jericho picks up the win with the Walls of Jericho. I’m good with that, a thanks for coming win, and Dolph is fine because he’ll be world champion….soon.
Winner: Chris Jericho
Daniel Bryan vs Kane: This match is happening because, shit I really don’t know. There’s been no mention of Charlie Sheen, I’m sure that whole thing was a wash, which is fine, let’s just wrestling and these two should put on a good match. Kane hits the choke slam but gets over zealous and goes for a Tombstone but Bryan counters with a roll up and a pin (Divas ending) Everyone yells Yes or No or whatever your supposed to yell with Daniel picks up a win.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
The Miz vs Rey Mysterio: The Miz actually showed off some new/good offense in this match. Rey showed off his new “batman” outfit but unfortunately The Miz did not come out dressed as Bane. The match in a whole was pretty entertaining and Miz picks up a clean with via Skull Crushing finale.
Winner: The Miz
Sheamus vs Alberto Del Rio: Again, I’m not trying to be lazy in my descriptions of these matches but this one fell right in line, another really good match. Lotta great spots by both guys, good drama, hot crowd, I was very satisfied. The finish was a little muddled having Sheamus use a shoe to hit Del Rio and then Del Rio puts his foot on the rope during the pin but the ref misses it, I wasn’t crazy about that. Be a Star will ya!
Primetime Players vs R-Truth and Kofi Kingston: The WWE universe didn’t waste any time with the “Kobe Bryant” chant in honor of AW getting release amidst his rape joke on Raw a few weeks ago. This is the first match that would rank as a “meh”. That opinion might be tainted by listening to Cole and Lawler arguable about the existence of Little Jimmy. Just don’t. Anywho, Kofi and Truth pick up the win.
Winners: Kofi and R-Truth.
CM Punk/John Cena/The Big Show: WWE Title: Well per usual since CM Punk has been champion he’s still not in the main event. sigh. It’s pretty disrespectful to Punk but really to the WWE title. I’ve watched over the years as the secondary titles have become meaningless, but now the actual WWE Title is becoming secondary to whatever Triple H is doing. Anyhow the match: One thing I can say is The Big Show main handled both guys and wasn’t the after thought you’d think he was going to be in this match. The finish was both guys had a submission hold on The Big Show and he taps. AJ comes down to the ring to make a decision and she decides to restart the match (Thank christ) So Cena hits the AA on Show, Punk throws Cena outta the ring and gets the pinfall on Show. Great finish.
Winner: CM Punk.
Some Asshole on Guitar Plays a song I never want to hear again.
HHH vs Brock Lesner: Well after 4 months and countless countless recaps (I’m going to miss the recaps) we’re finally here, why are we here, that’s not important, what is important is that it’s over and we can finally see this match. Did it meet the hype? Welp the entire match was Lesner just beating the dog shit out of the Triple H, even more so than he did Cena at Extreme Rules. He dominated him so much that this match got sorta boring, it was really just a one sided beating. Triple H does mount some offense by attacking Brock’s Diverticulitis (crap factory) but it’s not enough as Brock dick punches his way back to domination. He eventually Borks Triple H’s arm and H taps. The End.