Monday Night Raw Episode 1,000
Last night was the 1000th episode of Monday Night Raw and about three weeks ago I decided I’m not doing full Raw reviews anymore because (just like last night proved) 3 hours is too damn long. There’s not enough content or wrestling for that matter to justify 3 hours of Monday Night Raw. Pretty much on cue the extra time is spent on shameless advertising and social media plugs.
So was the 1000th Raw good? Yeah sure, it was a fun episode of Raw with the usual ups and down and a solid ending that may set off a new angle to finish out the summer. Here’s a break down of the whole show.
Vince opens the show so we can all thank him for this show we watch. Thanks big guy, we love you too.
Then the DX reunion starts up the first segment of the show and we even got a currently employed road agent Road Dogg Jesse James, a still in decent wrestling shape Billy Gunn and a barely concious X-Pac. If I wanted to nit pick I’d moan that Shawn Micheals was never in DX when the other three guys were, but at this point continuity matters not. There were catch phrases and mugging for the camera, it was a thing. Not really a funny thing cause they’re a little too old to be acting like degrnerates but it was fun. The best moment was Damnien Sandow interupted and DX huddled up to decided weather to beat him up or not and Sandow was so interested he wanted to join them in the huddled, he was so left out, it was adorable.
JR comes out to call the opening match which is kind of a thrown together 6 man tag, kinda dissapointed about that, should be calling the main event. Also, it was JR from the darkest time line (goate means evil) who called the match. (Jericho, Ziggler, Del Rio vs Sin Cara, Mysterio and Sheamus) The match was used to further the Ziggler/Jericho fued. I really don’t even remember who won, we’ll say Sheamus did.
Charlie Sheen is there via skyp and comments on things he’s watching, deviod of comedy and interest. I’m just picking on this Charlie Sheen shit because I hate him, and he clearly wasn’t watching the show, just try man.
Wedding Time: Reverend Slick’s number is called to be the MC for the Bryan/AJ wedding. AJ looks great per usual, Bryan looks daper in a white suit, Slick was actually funny as we wait for everything to go wrong. Oh how it goes wrong as Vince Mcmahon makes his way out and says he has a proposal for AJ and she has said yes. But it’s not a mariage proposal but to be the new Raw general manager. She accepts by leaving Daniel Bryan at the alter and saying YES YES YES. If this means she’s on TV every week, then by all means YES YES YES.
Daniel pouts and says he’s not leaving the ring. Punk comes out to laugh at Daniel Bryan and then The Rock comes out to kill everyone I love. He says he’s got a title match at this coming Royal Rumble and then rock bottoms Daniel Bryan because fuck you that’s why. Punk vs Rock at the Rumble would rule, here’s to another 5 months of a title reign for Punk. Maybe his title will feel important by then.
Bret Hart comes out to announce who’s wrestling for the IC title tonight. Brett no sells The Miz’s entrance (he might as well gave it a dismisive wank) and Christian walks The Miz through a pretty decent match with The Miz walking out with the IC Title. That makes the Miz a grand slam title holder (WWE, IC, US, and Tag Team) Yeah, The Miz.
Paul Heymand HHH scream at each other for awhile, then Stepahine comes out (she looks great by the way) and says Heyman can’t talk about their kids, and then yells at Heyman about his kids, then Steph attacks Paul and Lesner comes out slowly to defend his honor. HHH discards Lesner much to the surprise of no one except the commentators. This segment was actually pretty good with the additions of Heymand and Stephaine and a really red Brock Lesnser.
Here we have the final Heath Slater vs a Legend match and I will surely miss them because eac……Oh my god Lita’s boobs! Sorry about that, but yeah Lita is this weeks legend and she looks great. Before she can beat the bag outta the one man baaaaaand the APA shows up and Bradshaw gives Slater the Clothesline from Hell and it’s as awesome today as it was 10 years ago. I think if Bradshaw hit Ziggler with that he would still spinning in mid air. The rest of the legends come out and dance on Heath Slater’s corpse, and scene.
Kane is about to get beat up by the new cast of NXT jobbers when the arena goes black and The Undertaker returns. Kane and Taker beat up a buncha dudes and fun stuff happens, wish this coulda felt more important, maybe if something was at stake or these guys were in danger, or had a match, or something.
Charlie Sheen says he’ll fight Daniel Bryan at Summer Slam….if this ends with any other out come other than Daniel Bryan kicking Charlie Sheen to death then it’s a fail.
The CM Punk/John Cena WWE title match itself was sort of a stinker, the match had no momentum and before it could pick up The Big Show interrupts, twice and ends the match in a DQ. Show beats on Cena and Punk refuses to assist Cena but help arrives in the form of The Rock who plants Show and then attempts a people’s elbow but Punk spring into action and clotheslines The Rock followed by a GTS. Good/Great ending with a CM Punk heel turn. It’ll only be classified as great if he comes out next week and throws the spinner belt in the trash. Over all an entertaining show, but they should all be entertaining shouldn’t they? See ya Next week when hopefully CM Punk pee’s all over the WWE again. Peace.