Monday Night Raw on a Tuesday: Starring Bork Laser Edition.
Xtreme Rules has come and gone and we’re moving on to Monday Night Raw but I still have some thoughts on Xtreme Rules which was one of the better pay-per-view since last years Money In The Bank.
Lesner and Cena’s Xtreme Rules Match was excellent; there was a lot drama and some brutal action that made it really a very entertaining match. Cena pulls out the win after getting pummeled and really turned the crowd in his favor after the match. I didn’t give a ton of thought into why Cena won, or what it does for whom but then come Monday and Tuesday the dirt sheets fill up with “Lesner shoulda won” “This diminishes his character” even rumors of a backstage blow up with Lesner. I must say this is the stuff that makes me want to once again disconnect from wrestling because all of the backstage dirt sheet bullshit can really suck the fun out of it.
I’m not saying I wanna be a clueless 8 year mark wrestling fan but speculating who should have won is as pointless as doing that for a football game. It’s over, it happened, there’s no going back, just enjoy it and let’s move forward. Do I think Cena winning was the right move, I don’t know because it’s not my job to make that call, I’m just an idiot who’s watching the match and trying to enjoy it while mildly suspending my beliefs. I’m all about having an opinion, that’s why I started doing these, but I must say what the out come of the match shoulda been sometimes takes too much focus off of what actually happened which should be talked about more so. I just think as wrestling fans we need to slowly inch away from the “Why” and closer to the “How”. Unless it’s Dolph Ziggler losing to Brotus Clay, because serious fuck that noise.
So Tonight’s Raw kicks off with Big Johnny pimping his people power and the new face of the WWE Brock Lesner who starts to talk about his match at Xtreme Rules (shoulda been Rulz, much more extreme…sorry xtreme) until Triple H makes his way out, making his first appearance since Mania. (Not mentioned in the promo) He dresses down Lesner and the contract he renegotiated last week and says the original was more than fair and Big Johnny doesn’t have the clout to change it. Again, a confusing power struggle as to who’s in charge and who really cares who’s fake in charge of what. So Lesner does what he does and attacks Triple H who sells a pretty convincing broken arm.
A few wrestlers come out to make the save but Lesner fleas and the damage has been done. I think a better sell for a broken arm would be for R-Truth to not “touch” “hold” “caress” said broken limb of Triple H.
Anyhow, I usually hate when Triple H injects himself into main story lines but I was ok with this and made a bit more sense than when he decided he wanted to slow the rise of CM Punk to a Kevin Nash walk to the ring pace. This also reestablishes Lesner as a total ass kicking dick hole regardless that he was pinned by Cena. I’m guessing this gets Brock off TV for awhile and eventually Triple H vs Lesner at Summerslam.
Beat the Clock: Tonight’s Raw theme is a “Beat The Clock” challenge in which the person who gets the fastest win in a singles match would be number 1 contender. These baffle me because one I love a tournament, just have one of those…and two if you get a tough opponent by luck of the draw and someone gets a cream puff, well that doesn’t prove much. Also this puts a cap on the time limit for matches which are already rushed enough on Raw for Dancing and Styker interviews, Whatever, it is what is it and here we go!
The Miz vs Santino: A rematch of the red hot Youtube pre-PPV US title match that I missed because I forgot it was a thing. If it was anything like theie Raw match then I didn’t miss much. Miz sets the pace at 4:18 which I’m sure will last and he can come out at the end of the night and point to the “Over The Limit” sign hung above the ring…no sign? oh…um…let’s move on.
Chris Jericho vs The Big Show: I know his time is limited because Fozzy goes on tour this summer but I’m interested to see where Chris Jericho goes from here. He does a nice job here against The Big Show and squeezes out a decent match but the ref counts out the big show and Jericho misses the 4:18 mark by 1 second…sorts.
Brotus Clay vs JTG: If you hoping for JTG to pull out the win and start his mega push well…actually that may have happened, I totally check out of this match. Enough with Brotus Clay, I’m done with it.
Randy Orton vs Jack Swagger: This match was fine, kept your attention and as it came down to the final seconds Randy Orton pulled out the win, setting the time to beat at 4:16 and then he went to the back to find pants and wait.
R-Truth and Kofi vs Epico and Primo (Tag Team Title Match) This was a good match and the titles did change hands as Kofi and Truth got the win. There wasn’t much build up to this match but maybe it’s the beginning of something bigger…eh….anyone…HELLO!?
Big Johnny announces that tonight he will unveil Cena’s Over The Limit opponent: I’m sure this will go swimmingly.
Kane vs The Great Kahli: Close your eyes and picture this match in your head, boring, tedious, awful, vomit inducing, YES to all of the above. They go over the time limit to torture the crowd and mercifully it ends in a draw.
Daniel Bryan vs Jerry Lawler: See this is what I’m talking about, Bryan gets the cream puff of the night in the beat the clock challenge in Jerry The King Lawler. I watch out of the corner of my eye that maybe just maybe King will take Daniel Bryan to the limit but it doesn’t happen and Bryan beats the clock and is your number one contender. Punk vs Bryan at a PPV…..um…YES YES YES! Seriously these guys have faced off on both Raw and Smackdown and had amazing matches. The WWE gets a mulligan for awhile because this is a great move to have these guys fight for the title. And Good for Bryan now that he’s done with Sheamus who can move on to Del Rio and I really hope they can reincorporate AJ into the mix because she’s cuter than the CGI baby Dragon in Game of Thrones whom I actually made the noise “awwww” when it got fed on the latest episode. Sorry what was I talking about…Right….YES YES YES!
Final segment is Cena coming down to the ring with his arm in a sling. He talks about his injury to his arm that it’s not broken and he’ll still be around, etc. Then Big Johnny comes out to reveal his opponent; The Lord Tensei music hits and right before Big Johnny says his name he says Cena opponent will be “ME” meaning Big Johnny. Then Johnny whacks Cena over the head with the microphone and Tensei, Sakamoto and Big Johnny tee off on Cena for the remainder of Raw.
Johnny takes a chair and slams it off of Cena’s arm as he sells the injury and we go off the air.
That’s all well and good but serious, CM Punk vs Daniel Bryan at Over the Limit….YES! make it a 60 minute Iron Man and I’ll stop hating the Funkasurus and calling you out for being overly racist I swear. Bye for now.