Game OF Thrones Season 2, Episode 4: Garden of Bones

The most common problems with this season of Game of Thrones is a bit of an overflow of new information. Within the following I will recap the latest episode, Garden Of Bones, as well as expand on some of these new details and review some fun ideas. We’ll check in with the hotness that is Robb Stark, watch Stannis and Renly have a slap fight, get a tan with Dany, and see that yes in fact King Joffrey can get even worse. This whole episode reeks of pain and hopeless situations. In fact it’s a bit baffling there wasn’t some major death considering the amount of destruction and bad vibes behind every scene.


“You’re fighting to overthrow a King, and yet you have no plan for what comes after.”

This episode opened with two Lannister men having witty banter, sly observations, as well as an epic fart joke, which was in a word: awesome. They make fun of Renly, and debate the toughness of the Mountain and Jamie alike. Their lovely night of pranks and laughter is abruptly ended when Robb Starks Dire wolf, the gigantic Grey Wind, surprise attacks them. Sick.

After the battle Robb observes the grisly aftermath of the battle. One of his bannermen wants to begin torturing the prisoners from the battle. Robb, too noble and practical disagrees. Robb wants the high road. Next his attention is drawn to a field medic preparing to remove a lannister soldier’s foot. In retrospect to the Lannister soldiers killing the boy they thought to be Gendry in the last episode because his legs were injured makes Robb look like god damn Mother Teresa. He assists in the amputation, holding the boy down, because dude totally doesn’t want to lose his foot, which I cannot picture many other lords actually doing. Then in true Westros fashion Robb essentially falls head over heels with the field medic while she is cutting off the soldiers foot right there in the middle of the field sans anaesthetic.

Afterward the situation gets more amusing as Robb follows her like a lovesick puppy, while she snarks at him. They have conflicting viewpoints you see so immediately this war scene suddenly turned romantic comedy.
Robb: “I have no hatred for the lad”
Nurse: “That should help his foot grow back”

We also get some information about the inner workings of Robb’s mind, which was something we sort of suspect but it is gratifying to hear that he essentially doesn’t know what he’ll do if he wins the war because he ultimately doesn’t want to sit on the Iron Throne. This whole situation begins to further mirror his own fathers situation from the past, leaving the late Robert Baratheon on the throne. Robb I’d either try to warm to the idea, or stop fighting in the bloody war then. He also seems entirely interested in this girl because she’s the first to probably disagree with a word hes said in months. Speaking of uncomfortable situations…

“Leave her face. I like her pretty.”

King Joffrey is back and just a crazy as ever. He torments poor Sansa in the middle of court holding a lethal looking crossbow at her. Everyone looks on looks just as in shock as the viewers, you know except for the Lannister supported guards who essentially will do anything for King Joffrey the prig. This whole situation is a bit humorous to me because Joffrey is questioning her about Robb Starks sorcery based wolf army, which is a crazy notion, but even more crazy that Joffrey seems to see truth in it. There also claims that Robbs men feast on the slain which is laughable compared to him helping one get amputated. This further pushes Joffrey into awesome villain territory, less from spoiled brat and more to evil dick. How unbelievably freeing it must be to play this level of bad guy especially in the Game of Thrones universe, which is usually nothing but grey area. Joffrey changes tactics with his daring wife to be to stripping her naked in the throne room after having a guard beat the shit out of her a bit. It is degrading and sad to watch making the pain of the episode even more real. The Hound winces and looks displeased with this.

Tyrion, ever the character favorite, comes to the rescue (whew!) getting her covered and escorted out of the chamber. Tyrion actually calls Joffrey a half-wit and draws his connections to the long dead mad king. Sansa stands tall after this and I cant help but almost be grateful for this whole horrible situation to give her some real intellectual balls. He asks her if she wants out of the engagement, which is absurd because who wouldn’t. Yet, no matter how much Tyrion may be able to help her she is right to not trust any of the Lannister’s. “I am loyal to king Joffrey. My one true love.” She hums making her exit. Sansa has grown keen with her time in the city, only speaking of her own love for her beloved Joffrey (LOL). Tyrion remarks after she walks away that she might live through this yet. Sansa’s impossible situation brightens for the first time since her father’s death.

Bronn, who probably has some of the most laugh out loud lines in the series, shares that Joffrey may just need to get laid because he’s “clogged” he then also admits there is “no cure for being a cunt”.  Tyrion appears to take this seriously as later on he sends Joffrey a late nameday gift: Ros and other nameless prostitute. This scene is worse than the amputation earlier, becoming a tough watch. The scene brings up emotions truly making you hate Joffrey even more. First he asks Ros to hit the other woman. Ros, ever the professional goes right to the spanking, but we know from the look in Joffrey’s eye that this all will get far worse. He wants her to do it harder, then with his belt, then with some huge disturbing looking scepter, which I hope was only for external beating. Ugh. They mind as well show Joffrey just putting babies in blenders – this boy needs Drago version of a golden crown.

The whole situation makes me uncomfortable, which means this show is doing more than its job.  My question is, does this actually turn the young King on? Is this Joffrey’s spank bank material? Or is this whole escapade to show Tyrion what he thinks of his present? Ugh. Lannister family games are essentially the worst kind of games.


“A gift – A token Tyrion Lannister’s goodwill”

In Renly’s camp, we see Littlefinger has begun whatever plan Tyrion put into action last week. He speaks to Renly but really wants to speak to Catelyn and to her horror actually says the words “Fate has given us this chance”. She is sickened knowing her deception with Ned. Also like the audience, I think she sees Littlefinger’s love as we do, sort of nonessential or unreal. He turns back into a little boy in front of her – its hard to see where the reality of it is for him. Mostly this is due to them not looking compatible in the slightest. He relents a bit then, making his real pitch. It might be due to her knife in his face.

He wants her to release Jamie behind Robb’s back (crazy) and the Lannister’s will give BOTH Sansa and Arya back. Of course we know this is untrue as they do not have Arya (or know that they have her).  They he presents the gift of Ned’s remains to be buried at Winterfell. Catelyn kicks him out to make love to her dead husbands bones one last time. Kidding – what do you think she did with them though? Keep them in her tent? Did it smell? I imagine it smelled.


“Are we so well-manned that we can afford to discard able young bodies and skilled laborer’s?”
New location!! Harrenhal is a ruinous castle the Lannister’s have captured. The people in the castle are a group of sellswords the Lannister’s hired called The Brave Companions. They are essentially all baddies, we are free to hate on. To make the hating easier we see The Mountain who is also there raising their villain banner a little higher. This is where Gendry and Arya have been taken. They are kept in this muddy cage with other prisoners where they learn that everyday The Mountain picks a prisoner to be tortured and killed. Lovely. How sad would it be to after all her escaping and deception Arya gets killed by the Lannister’s by accident. We see them pick some poor guy, and go to question him about hidden gold and silver and also a thing called The Brotherhood. From what I understand, this is a militant group loyal of the Stark family. Their form of torture is brutal enough. They place a rat in a bucket, and when you expect them to put it over their head (fear factor style) instead they strap it to their chest. Then they heat the bucket, forcing the little rat to try to borrow away from the heat – through the prisoner’s chest. Yummy, chest cavity.
Come bedtime we see little Arya has taken late Yoren’s lead creating her own bedtime hit list. Unlike Yoren her list keeps getting longer and longer. First she recites everyone who was up at the podium when her father was executed: Joffrey, Cersei, The Hound, and Ilyn Payne (the executioner). As her night continues she adds two names: The Mountain as well as one of the other men, Polliver, who took Needle from her and is still wearing it at his side.

The next day Gendry is chosen as the next torture victim. As even more hopelessness fills the air another Lannister to the rescue much like Tyrion earlier with Sansa. Tywin Lannister, the father of the family, arrives and puts an end to the torturing saying they need for able and skilled bodies working there. Unlike Tyrion, Tywin seems to be doing this just pragmatically and not in reference to the crazy amounts of pointless death. He goes on to set his sights on Arya who he immediately identifies as a girl (LOL). Tywin is the first man to immediately see through her fake out but thankfully does not seem to know who she is. She insists the ruse was to travel safer (smart little stark kids). Tywin agrees and gives her a job as his cupbearer. Arya appears safe now but for how long can she hide right under their noses (or lips as cup-bearer).


“I suppose if we use the same (banner) the battle will be terribly confusing”

Renly and Stannis hold a tense parley on hilltop. We immediately see why they were never very brotherly. Where Stannis is nothing but maturity and stale mannerisms,
Renly is immature but full of humor. I really wish we could have seen the late King Robert in the middle of this bickerfest for the laughs. Renly is a great courtesan truly but could he be King? Even with his snappy comebacks? Melisandre says Stannis has been reborn “amid salt and smoke” and Renly comes back with asking if he is a ham (LOL).

Renly goes on to say some pretty poignant stuff though calling back the last spat between Cersei and Littlefinger concerning where power lies. This also echoes Vary’s and Tyrion’s “riddle” conversation in the last episode.  Renly says, “A man without friends is a man without power.” So what is the nature of this power? Is it the man giving the orders? The men following? The money? Where does it reside? Stannis gives Renly until the morning to surrender, which Renly laughs at because he knows he has more troops. Melisandre spouts her catchphrase “The night is dark and full of terrors”.  Renly is unmoved.


“Only that the desert around their walls is called the Garden of Bones. Every time the Qarthians shut their gates on a traveler the garden grows.”

New location!! Qarth.  Dany receives words from one of her riders (who is also waaay to happy with his new horse) that there is a city by the sea that will receive her, the Mother of Dragons. Once they arrive however they are met with gates (surrounded by the titled garden of bones) and the council of thirteen, which is basically the city elders. A man calling himself the spice king (how humbling) wants to see her Dragons but they are really her only cards to play so she simply can’t. Also being truly their mother she knows they are vulnerable right now. The spice king however wishes to leave the group to die in the desert because of the nutty Dothraki she is leading.

In true Targaryen fashion she threatens to kill them all at the later more powerful date. Due my Comcast cable choosing this second to lose audio for the next 10 seconds left me missing the dialogue from a man from the thirteen being swayed by this information. I’m guessing he introduced himself but his name is listed as Xaro Xhoan Daxos so I doubt I would have understood that anyway. He invokes some ancient rule involving his own blood, therefore taking responsibility for her and her crew. Dany approaches the oasis-looking city like she already owes the place. This chick has gotten fierce.  A bath, and a good meal is exactly what this girl needs to get back on her feet.


“Save it for Joffrey. He loves a good groveling.”

Cousin Lannister, Lancel, who used to be the wine-bearer for King Robert and has been seen, recently taking Jamie’s place in Queen Cersei’s bed, comes to Tyrion’s chambers to deliver a message for Cersei. She wants him to release Pycelle from the black cells. Lancel is abrupt and dismissive of Tyrion initially however the lateness of the message arouses Tyrion’s suspicions. He lures Lancel into his room and attacks him, verbally. Within a minute Lancel is legit on his knees begging for Tyrion not to reveal his sexcapades with Cersei to King Joffrey. Of course Tyrion already has a better idea though, turning the boy into his own spy. He will release Pycelle but he will not be welcome back on the small council. Also Tyrion remarks on already hurting a hair on Pycelle’s head as we saw in the last episode him getting his beard cut off. Tyrion keeps his mantle of Westros Player of the Week with his moves to hold the power in Kings Landing as we’ve seen him weeding out Cersei’s spies and now placing his own.


“Shadows cannot live in the dark. They are servants of light. The children of fire and the brighter the flame the darker they are.”

We are on Stannis ship, with a cool stag head mast, the night before his battle with Renly. Stannis wants the loyal Davos to smuggle Melisandre ashore that night. Davos used to be a hardcore smuggler until he helped out his lord Stannis in a matter that left him and Stannis hella close but he also totally cut off her fingers for being a smuggler. Now Davos wears his knucklebones round his neck. How manly?? Who does that? Even Stannis is put off a bit and he barely knows how to show emotion. Onward, Davos transports the creepy priestess Melisandre to the shore. Melisandre babbles about how a man is only good or evil and how she is obviously completely good. She goes on to note Davos as cheated on his wife and therefore probably wants her. She teases that he wants to see under her robe and he will. This bitch gives me the chills and this is before the crazy end to this episode.

They get ashore and enter a cave. It appears to block the path but Melisandre immediately disrobes and we see she is wicked pregnant. WTF? That was too fast right? This can’t be the son she promised Stannis already right?
She gets right down to business as the second her butt hits the ground she is immediately into full-blown labor. Much like the night apparently Melsandre is dark and full of terrors. Some kind of black oil smoke monster leaks out of her. AW shit – Is it Lost’s notorious smoke monster? Are we back on the island, time jumping, and riding on flight 815?

"I think this means I'm off the show?"

"Hello My name is Mister Ec- I'm off the show now aren't I"

What in the hell was that? Baby? Monster? Secret war winning weapon?
Next week: Arya gets to give out death to those of her choosing. Davos lets Stannis know whatever side Melisandre is on will def win.  The iron throne is Dany’s and she will take it. And it sounds like Pike is making their run on the North. Sigh. Is it Sunday yet?



~ by ATOM on April 23, 2012.

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