Monday Night Raw on a Wednesday: 2/13/2012 Dog Show Edition.

Raw kicks off this week with a debate between all 6 men in the Elimination Chamber match;  This polks at the part of my brain that the WWE killed long ago, the dead part of my brain wakes up saying “hey something different” even if it’s unoriginal, I still perk up and pay attention.  King is the moderator and gives each guy 40 seconds to say why they are going to win the match.  So each guy takes 3 minutes to state that they are the best wrestler in the match.  Yup, that was it, even CM Punk was particularly boring in this segment, lucky we have R-Truth.  Much like the audience and the people watching at home,  he was the only wrestler who didn’t take this seriously and was pretty funny in the process.  He addressed King as your honor, there were spiders and dolphins, it was excellent.  Everyone else was really boring with the exception of Ziggler who had some good reactions to Truth’s rambling.   The Miz is totally in a rut, he can’t wrestle without almost killing someone and now he can’t speak because Jericho is back and he lost his gimmick.  I mentioned that Punk was being his boring WWE universe version of himself and even Jericho kinda sucked.  He’s all back and comfortable but he’s just morphed into the character he was when he left which is midly disapointing.

Matches get made for the night and we start off with Jericho vs Kofi Kingston;  This match was pretty entertaining to start off Raw with solid wrestling from both guys.  In retrospect this might be the most exciting match of the night.  Jericho picks up the win after a thumb to the eye and a code breaker.

Randy Orton vs The Big Show:  This match came about as a result of last weeks Smackdown Main Event break down.  Good pace in this match as I’m convinced Orton can squeeze a good match out of anyone.  Daniel Bryan sat ring side and Cole kissed his ass the whole time which I thought was pretty fun.  As soon as Bryan got up to start beheading people with the world title and interrupt the match Cole immediately starts shitting on Bryan, brilliant.  I must mention that before the be-headings Show went down too quickly on an RKO and botched it and Orton was visibly pissed.  He hit the second one with some legit anger and they did a good job building back up to it.

HBK returns to Raw for the whatever’th time to call out Triple H and try to goad him into facing The Undertaker at mania.  I really hated this because it was just Triple H and HBK discussing how great of an era they came from and how wrestling will never get great again.  Seriously, they pretty much said this current crop of superstars has no balls when it’s pretty much mandate they don’t wrestle for more than 5 minutes a show.  HBK did shine here calling out Triple H as being an empty suit doing his wife’s busy work and lit a fire underneath H but it still felt like a lot of squandering and killing time.  Undertaker teases the crowd with a promo of him cutting his hair because the WWE realized he shaved his head and the hair hat will not suffice during a match.

At one point in their discussion Triple H refers to The Undertaker as a brand and instantly I realized whay they’re missing out on here, if you want this match to mean something.  Turning Triple H into a money grubbing business mogal villian would be a great foil for The Undertaker and give this match the gravity and meaning it deserves.  Then again, that also would have worked when he inserted himself into the CM Punk situation, so a Triple H heel turn is pretty unlikely.

R-Truth vs Dolph:  I missed a good portion of this match; sorry.  What I saw was good, Dolph Ziggler was fun and R-Truth nonsensical psychotic good guy is beginning to grow on me.

Tamina Snuka vs Something Bella:  The WWE has allowed Tamina to embrace her WWE heritage and gives her a last name instead of two first names.  I should mention this match didn’t suck and Tamina is actually a talented wrestler. She wins her match again a Bella and we get the announcement that she will face Beth at The Chamber PPV.  This gets a hopeful shrug.

 The Miz vs CM Punk: This is your final wrestling match and it’s not bad; The Miz made it through the whole match without selling a move that didn’t happen and he didn’t almost kill CM Punk.  Punk wins and this isn’t the main event, although you might wish it were.

So here we go!  The end of Raw this week was a laughable mess.  It surprises me that they haven’t yet called an audible on this entire Cena/Kane angle but no, the WWE has balls and I have to give them credit, they’re in it balls deep.  Not that the angle sucks but its execution is head scrating. I’m fine with a good love triange when it works, it works well but things are so muddled that this will not have a pay off, things rarely do in the WWE.  The follow events will be a bit out of order, but it’s easier to lump everything together for sanity sake.

First I know it’s pointless to mention the lack of logic in wrestlers dramatic actions but I can’t help think that if your Zack Ryder you stop coming to Raw. Just stay home and make youtube videos.  For the lack of story telling he’s there, it’s valentines day and he’s in his wheelchair and neck brace all night getting ready for a big night with Eve.  We get some bad comedy about bad breath but the meat of it all comes at the end of the episode when Kane attacks Eve and tries to take off with her in the back of an ambulance.  Super Cena makes the save and then this happens.

Then we dramatically pan to Zack Ryder looking on as Cena

Here comes Ryder down to the ring on crutches unsure if he has a broken neck, broken back, sprained ankle, autism, conjuntiveistus.  They reported that he has a herniated disc….Fucking goggle herniated disc and go from there.  He’s favoring different parts of his body as he makes his way to the ring on tiny crutches probably distracted by thinking to himself “how did I get to this point” “this is not a my beautiful house”  Ryder was a funny guy with creative ideas, why is this happening?  It seems like a practical joke which ends with no one taking Ryder seriously ever again.

So he comes down to the ring and yells at Cena while trying to remember he’s got some sort of spinal problem, he slaps Cena and says something to the effect of “your not my friend” (there were no mics) and he’s right.  Cena and Ryder being friend is a total farce and actually makes Cena look even stupider.  When Ryder was on Superstars with one pant leg Cena didn’t give two shits about him.  Then suddenly he gets over and Cena’s all up on his coat tails, making out with his girl, getting is boogy man run off attacks. 

So Cena takes off his shirt like he’s going to beat up Ryder, Ryder falls then gets back in his wheel chair and rolls his sad ass up the ramp just so Kane can show up and holy shit he’s rolls him right off the stage.  Ryder’s headband goes flying off as he crashed down a pretty good distance and yes I laughed out loud at this.  Eve shows up, EMTs, Cena checks out Eve’s ass-crack as she bends over to console the now dead Zack Ryder.  Kane laughs, the crowd questions their sanity and Raw ends.  Holy shit that was weird.

 This Raw didn’t make my socks go up and down but it gave some quality wrestling wrapped in a holy shit why is this happening story line.


~ by ATOM on February 15, 2012.

2 Responses to “Monday Night Raw on a Wednesday: 2/13/2012 Dog Show Edition.”

  1. I miss the Wrestling from the 80’s and 90’s. Guess it is hard to come up with something original though.

  2. I agree but what makes it so maddening is sometimes they get balls deep into an awesome story and find a way to screw it up. I think I like reviewing it more than watching sometimes, gives me something to complain about; one of my hobbies.

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