Royal Rumble Results (Updated with videos)

It’s been close to 24 hours and if your going to be watching Monday Night Raw then this isn’t much of a spoiler in that Sheamus won last nights Royal Rumble. For first off I have two confessions to make…one is growing up til about the age of 15 I always fucked it up by calling this “The Rumble Royal” Second, I hate smarky internet wrestling fans.   From what I see on the internet that fans are upset that Sheamus got penciled in for the win last night and I don’t get it.  I had a conversation yesterday that it seems like the majority of the wrestlers in the WWE are heels mainly because they can’t get over as a babyface.  Hell their top baby face gets boo’ed out of the building on the reg.  So when you have an athletic big guy who is over with the fans than capitalize on it like the WWE did last night.  Winning the Rumble does nothing for Orton (he’s won it before) Jericho (Legend who doesn’t need a push) Cena (figure it out) Big Show (doesn’t need the push) and the list goes on.  I was at the garden last year when Del Rio won and people were beside themselves in anger so I guess you can’t win.  People want new and different and when they get it they don’t want it because it’s new and different.   This was a smart move by the WWE and hell I watched it and I was surprised as hell and isn’t that the point!?   Anyhow I posted a highlight video and the final 4 showdown at the bottom on the page, enjoy.

Daniel Bryan vs Big Show vs Mark Henry; All three guys do a great job utilizing the cage early, Mark Henry due to injuries suffered over the last few months took quick naps during the match while Big Show just tossed around Daniel Bryan. Henry was ineffective but you have to give it up for his toughness to battle through these injuries.  The real story was between Show and Bryan who battled and put on a good match with Bryan scaling the cage and Big Show trying to keep him in the ring.  Bryan dangled outside of the ring and Show just couldn’t hold him in and he slips out for the win. Good opening match.

Divas 8-Woman-tag team match (Kelly Kelly, Eve Tamina, Alicia Fox vs Beth, Natalya, The Bella Twins); This match was slipped in unannounced just in time for me to grab a quick bite before the meat of the PPV (see what I did there) Cole remarks how Eve hasn’t been talkative and is truly scared after what Kane did to Zack Ryder, not two second later she’s doing that stupid booty pop dance slut thing she does, yeah she looks very depressed. A big thank you for finally making the most dominate Diva look dominate. Beth tagged herself in and almost separated the shoulder of whom ever Bella twin was the legal wrestler and then she did one move, her finisher and pinned Kelly Kelly for the win.

Kane vs Cena: This is it, we find out if Cena can rise above farts.  Pre match we see Zack Ryder tooling around in a wheel chair not being funny as the WWE attempts it’s damnedest to get you to hate Kane because how much you love Zack Ryder, but the crowd doesn’t really work in black and white like that anymore, that’s old news.  What’s new news is how much the WWE has mis-managed Zack Ryder by inserting him into this angle.  Another note is the WWE revised Zack’s injury to a damaged vertebra, and my question is this;  Was that part of the angle or did someone slap the writer who penciled in Ryder for a broken back in which it’s pretty improbable to suspend your disbelief that far and they called an audible because of how stupid that was.  Anywho, the match begins and it’s a well paced match, lotta good work put in by both guys but what over shadowed it was how anit-Cena the St. Louis crowd was. After fighting back and forth for some time, they take it outside of the ring and get a double count-out.  Nothing was going to get decided by a win anyhow, but the story here is Kane incapacitates Cena for long enough to wheel Ryder and his broken back out to the ring so he can Tombstone him.  Now I know that’s his massive finish, but don’t you think a choke slam would have been more effective.  Cena tries to make a save but Kane saves the choke slam for Cena like a boss.  EMTs come out to check on Ryder, everyone has a good cry.

Brodus Clay vs Drew McIntyre: Another shoe horn match for this years Rumble and another Squash for the only living breathing Funkasaurus in captivity.  The rest of them are dead I guess.

CM Punk vs Dolph Ziggler:  Laurinitus comes out with guns blazing in the sleeveless ref shirt to start the match between Ziggler and Punk.  These two have a decent match back and forth but to be honest they just don’t have the best chemistry in the ring that you think two of the best workers in the WWE would.  The best spot in the match was the  BEST reversals to the GTS I’ve ever seen by Ziggler.  The ref gets blow out to botch the win for Punk who has a quick exchange with Johnny Ace who won’t come in and make the count.  After the ref shenanigans Punk hits the GTS for the clean win. OK match but did not meet expectations.

Royal Rumble Match:  I can’t follow every entrant and elimination, I’ll just provide the highlights of the match and the big finish.  So as said on Raw The Miz starts the match off against (ugh) Alex Riley, and much like 6 months ago, no one cared about this feud then and right now but A-Ry gets eliminated quickly by The Miz.  Speaking of failed feuds, R-Truth is number 3.   After Miz and Truth fight for a rew it goes on and the ring starts to fill with superstars. First notable spot goes to Mick Foley showing up as Cactus Jack.  Always fun to see Foley run (limp) around the ring but the first awesome spot in the rumble match goes to a totally underrated and unappreciated character Richardo Rodriquez.   He entered the Rumble with Del Rio’s music but pulls up in a beat up shit box car.  He has some fun comedy bits in the ring and then he gets totally dominated by Santino and tossed out of the ring.  Cactus and Santino then have a show down of Socko vs Cobra which was fun.  The next notable spot was the additon of all of the announcers.  Starting with King who drops his headset as soon as his music hits.  A few entrances later Booker T gets his number called and he rips off his coat and apparently has had no pants on for the entire event.  During this time a great spot happens rivaling last years John Morrison spiderman act.  Kofi goes out of the ring but lands on his hands and walks on his hands to safety, very impressive. When Cole gets his number called (with Nickleback theme music) he kinda skulks around the ring and the next person in is Kharma which was a cool surprise.  She does right after Cole and he jumps out of the ring. After Kharma is eliminated we get treated to surprise entrances of The Road Dogg and Hacksaw Jim Duggan.  Hacksaw does his classic moves and Road Dogg does his classic hide underneath the bottom rope and just hopes he lasts a while.    So once the prop entrants are out of the way we get tons of action with Sheamus entering, Barrett and Orton down the stretch.  Jericho draws 28 and Big Show at 30.  Big Show eliminates the guys who hung on awhile in Rhodes and The Miz.  The final 4 are Orton, Show, Jericho and Sheamus.  Jericho eliminates both Orton and Show leaving Jericho and Sheamus.  This leads you to believe Jericho will take it, but after  a good back and forth Sheamus knocks out Jericho with a Crane kick and there’s is your winner of the 25th Royal Rumble; The Great White Sheamus.  I know people will bitch but I think it’s a great idea.  Jericho has taken the role of HBK and is there to put over some of the new blood which is what he should do.  Jericho is probably gonna go after Taker for Mania which is a great money match but we shall see.

Overall: The under-card wasn’t all that great but the Rumble match itself was pretty fun with a surprise finish. B-

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~ by ATOM on January 29, 2012.

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