Monday Night Raw on a Tuesday: Woo Woo Woo You Broke My Back: Edition.

It’s pretty daunting to be a wrestling fan when your constantly looping between “Why am i watching this garbage?” and “Well that was fun” and the two weeks prior to this were exactly that.  Two weeks ago watching Zack Ryder staring in his very own shitty horror movie which included his dumb friend John Cena, screaming girlfriend Eve and you the viewer yelling at the TV about how dumb he is.  Last week was fun, we got good wrestling and a classic CM Punk promo with a satisfying ending that makes sense in the context of the story the WWE is trying to convey.  This week was the best of both worlds with some good moments, some head scratching moments and what seemed to be about 90 minutes of Royal Rumble promos and highlights.

The show opened with CM Punk regressing from last weeks fiery promo and quick wit to “I wanna beat your butt” and gay jokes Cm Punk.  He addresses John  Laurinaitis and his intent to screw him at the rumble.  He calls out Johnny Ace to the ring so he can “say it to his face” but the wrong John comes out, he gets John Cena who stamps his feet because his best friend (!?) Zack Ryder lost the US title.  I was hoping this would lead to a good exchange between Punk and Cena in the ring together but the final result was Cena pretty much told Punk to shut up and he did.  Laurinitus finally comes out just to set up  matches tonight, such as a falls count anywhere between Kane and Ryder where Cena can not interfere or Ryder will lose his shot at the US title.  And then a match between Cena and Punk vs Ziggler and Swagger right now.

The Match itself was fine and served as a good opening match with Laurinaitis  interfering and letting Ziggler pick up another win against Punk.  Punk flips his tits and challenges Laurinaitis to a match tonight in which he accepts and this is our main event/final segment.

Jericho Highlight Reel: Week three of Jericho trolling the WWE; this week featured more insane smiling, shushing the crowd and a t-shirt gun. It was funny but more of the same, then on the Highlight Reel monitor he played a best of Jericho’s career and then he spoke.  He said this sunday at the Royal Rumble will be “The End of the World” and this to me was very cool.  I thought the videos played prior to him returning were a joke but maybe the jokes of us once again.  This is the one and only storyline that I find interesting going into the rumble and now Jericho is my pick to win it.

Zack Ryder vs Kane: Falls count anywhere.  I’ll be honest, I’m losing my faith in Ryder and it’s not entirely his fault.  Creative has put him in this super serious angle with Kane and I can’t figure out why other than trying to garner sympathy for Cena because they’re bros.  His youtube videoes were funny and that’s why people like him but WWE has him trying to act out this Kane angle and at times is really tough to watch.  The match itself was pretty alright but nothing special.  Ryder is still playing up the injury angle so the majority of the match was him taking a beating from Kane until it concluded with a chokeslam through the top of the ramp.  Cena cried, Eve cried, emts came out and fished Ryder’s body out of the hole he created with this body, The stretcher, the low voices from the announcers, the non caring spectators, you know the drill.  Later in the episode it’s revealed that Ryder has a broken back….Really, a broken back?  Unless he’s out for half a year at the earliest than this is beyond stupid.  Next week after the Rumble I hope Curt Hawkins takes over the mantle of Zack Ryder and uses the same gimmick but goes apeshit and starts destorying people just so Ryder can heal up with the help of his butler Alfred and return to dispatech Curt Hawkins and reclaim the mantle of Broski.  Holy shit, that would rule.

Sheamus vs Jinder Mahal:  I didn’t watch this match so I could check out the Celtics game and because Ive seen this same match with the same finish for 4 straight weeks with no consequence. Wade Barrett got involved and said something smug and almost made up for it.

Brotus Clay vs Heath Slater:  I like the continuing non entrance of the Brotus Clay opponent.  After the long entrance you wait to see who comes out to face him and then bam! he’s already there and he’s been there the entire time.  Another squash and some clips of him last week on Smackdown which I thought was a funny segment with Regal.

The Miz vs R-Truth;  I guess tonight was the big reveal weather R-Truth was going full blown Face because tonight was the debut of the little Jimmy shirt.

It’s not the worst shirt and I don’t hate it as much as the CM Punk Ice Cream Bar shirt, but I guess we’ll now be entering the world of R-Truth the cartoon character.  The match was extremely “eh” and the stipulation was the loser has to enter the rumble at #1.  The Miz lost the match now he’s number 1 but because the entries are supposed to be random I think it’d funny is R-Truth for #2.

So now the moment we’ve been waiting to not happen, the match between Johnny Ace and Cm Punk.  Well it’s about to get rolling when John announces that he’s received a fax (really?) that he’s under review by the board because he intends to screw CM Punk and next week and blah blah blah Triple H is coming back, whatever.  So Launinitus says he won’t fight Punk so Otunga and his mug take his place and are easily dispatched by Punk.  So Punk finally gets his hands on Johnny Ace and the pay off was very similar to when Austin finally got his hands on Vince.  Not in the excitement of the crowd but in it’s awkwardness.  Laurinaitis gets put on Punk’s shoulders and just pulls an Obi-Wan Kanobi accepting his fate….


Never in the history of wrestling has anyone been so calm and serine getting a finisher, I was disappointed when he didn’t turn into a pile of clothes.

So that’s the big lead up to The Rumble, Johnny Ace gets put to sleep before before getting the GTS, Ryder gets his back broken by Bane and Jericho says the world is going to end.  See ya Sunday folks!

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~ by ATOM on January 24, 2012.

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