Monday Night Raw on a Tuesday: “Hey Hey What’s Going On Here!?” Edition.

Well Raw kicks off on the right foot with three guys verbally squaring off who are all great on the mic.  Starting with Mick Foley making his way to the ring.  Mick (Cleaning up better for WWE than TNA with the rest of Kevin Nash’s “just for men”) proclaims he wants one last go around in the WWE and wants to be in the Royal Rumble match.  This gets Dolph Ziggler to make his way out to cut Foley into a dozen fat pieces with a verbal lashing.  I’ve stated before that Ziggler is great on the mic and should do more of this, tying it all together with a pink V-neck is a nice touch.  So Ziggler carves up Mick and also mentions that awkward run that Cena did last week…I’m glad everyone else noticed.   Then Punk comes out to break up the charade. After Ziggler makes a few valid points about Foley being kinda pathetic and taking the rumble spot of an active member of the roster Punk  pretty much just tells Ziggler he’s gay which is a dubyadubyaeeh cliche that needs to go.  It’s 2012.  So the segment closes with Johnny Ace telling Foley he’s not in the rumble and then Vickie points and laughs in his face long enough for it to be uncomfortably funny.

Epico/Primo def: Air Boom.  Over the weekend it was confirmed that Epico and Primo won the titles at a house show.  At first this made no sense, WWE claimed they wanted to make the fans think anything could happen at a house show (Dismissive wank) then it came down the wire today Evan Bourne has been suspended yet again for violating the wellness Policy. (have fun in ROH)  The rematch was the first match on Raw tonight, probably Bourn’s last and it was a very good match.  These two teams work well off each other but it was all for not.  Epico and Primo won and retain the tag-titles, I’m good with this until WWE takes the final step and just gets rid of the tag titles.

Jack Swagger Def: Zack Ryder (New US Champion)  So Ryder was playing the injury suffered at the hands of Kane when he gingerly placed him across some wooden boxes.  Not even Principal Belding sitting ring side could will Ryder to get off one move and Swagger picks up the victory and the title.

Useless Divas match of the Week:  This one featured Perez Hilton as guest ring announcer who’s famous because he draws dicks on pictures of famous people.  I’m not going to waste my time saying what happened, it was crap, no one likes this shit, where’s Beth Phenoix? Make it stop!  Make the hot models managers and hire some females that can actually wrestle.
Wade Barrett/R-Truth/The Miz/Sheamus (Over the top challenge) This started as a promo between R-Truth and Wade Barrett and I’ve been down on Truth lately but he was legitimately funny here in this segment.  I guess making fun of someone because their British doesn’t make the “oh my god stop being so blatenly racist” bell go off in my head so maybe that’s why I enjoyed this so much more than last week.  Also try and not crack a smile at this bullshit.

Then Miz and Sheamus join up and we’re treated to an over the top challenge to settle nothing really, just remind us that The Royal Rumble is coming.  R-Truth wins, fun stuff.

So Cena shows up yelling at John Laurinitus because he put Ryder in a match and he lost.  The whole relationship between Cena and Ryder is weird and off putting. Cena gets upset every time Ryder gets hurt or beat up like he’s his handicapped younger brother.  So Johnny Ace sets up a Rumble match for Kane and Cena, makes sense and then puts Cena up against Swagger…wait didn’t Swagger already wrestle?

Cena/Swagger:  This is less a match and more just Cena playing out the plot lines of Revenge of the Sith and killing younglings.  Cena pounds Swagger and then threatens to kill him by smashing his head with the steel steps.  Kane appears on the jumbo tron saying “goooooooodah”

Also it’s nice of the WWE to build up Swagger by giving him the US title, then knocking him down a peg or 12 by making him look like a joke and Cena just having his way with him.

Brotus Clay def JTG:  I know the Internet is torn in half over the great Brotus Clay debate.  He should be a monster heel, etc.  I say either way his fate is sealed as a mid-card talent (for now) so why not do something different and have some fun with it.  I enjoy the Funkasaurus, it looks like Brotus is having a good time with the character so just relax and have fun, that’s why he watch this crap.  Also pre and post match Brotus did what people called a “Dinosaur” dance, but fuck you! That’s the dance from TeenWolf!

Chris Jericho/Cm Punk/Daniel Bryan vs Ziggler, Henry, Otunga:  First Daniel Bryan addressed his girlfriend AJ getting run over by the Big Show on Smackdown last week.  He cuts up Big Show for being reckless and talks about how AJ told him she loved him and he said he appreciated it!  and now for that I love Daniel Bryan.  Seriously that was funny, he’s making an excellent heel so far.   So this is being pumped as Jericho’s first time in the ring in over a year but we all know what’s going to happen here right?  Well mid match after Jericho gets the hot tag, he exits the ring and walks up the ramp. What made it funny was his vacant smile and fist pump as he walked away.  I don’t exactly know the end result of this angle but I do like it, be it I saw this part coming from a mile away.  This match was entertaining for the most part, and eventually Foley came out to help Punk because Bryan had run off away from Mark Henry who is clearly injured but keeps getting put in matches.  Foley gets the win via Socko on Otunga.  Afterwards Laurinitus comes out to tell Foley he shouldn’t have been in the match.  This makes Punk explode on Johnny Ace and we get our first pipe bomb in a long time.  He tears Johnny Ace a new shithole and you wonder why they keep hiding this side of Punk that can be so damn entertaining.  The bad part of the promo was he reinforced something I’ve been whinning about since August, and that he should be dropping these promos of the faces being the best fucking bad guy ever.  When he’s happy go lucky Punk he sucks, when he’s allowed to be a vile, hateful son of a bitch, he’s awesome.

This episode of Raw had less tire changing and more wrestling so we’re taking a big step in the right direction.  Still kinda baffled as to who’s going to win the Rumble.  Orton has been my pic for quite some time until his injury but he “might” show up, so who knows.  I could see Jericho winning to set up a feud with Punk, maybe Wade Barrett or Sheamus, it’s pretty wide open. It was fun to see Foley back and they let Punk close it out with a great promo and more set up between him and Johnny Ace.  Good stuff this week, keep it up!


~ by ATOM on January 17, 2012.

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