Monday Night Raw: 1/2/2012: The End Begins
Welcome everyone to this week’s Raw review of the first Raw of 2012 and tonight the speculation of who is behind the 1/2/2012 promos; Is it Chris Jericho, is it The Undertaker, is it The Berserker? (HUSH HUSH HUSH!) OK it’s Chris Jericho, you already know that, so we got the answer and we also get a world title match between Cm Punk and Dolph Ziggler but not before Cena kicks off Monday Night Raw.
He does his usual walk/run to the ring and I think the WWE missed out on an opportunity to have Cena frown and mope to the ring like he’s still upset because of the off-cadence “CEEEAAAEEENNNAAAA SUCKS” chant started by Kane as Cena pouted and frowned from the ramp. So Cena kicks off 2012 with the usual I like it when you cheer me and boo me because I’m a wrestler and it’s what I do and the troops and rising and the whole thing. Never in the history of the WWE has the “top” face had to justify the fans reactions. It’s kinda sad. The voice of Kane interrupts and says tonight Cena will embrace the hate and Cena grimaces from the ring. I hope it’s another awkward chant.
Daniel Bryan vs Cody Rhodes: Great way to open the matches tonight with two of the best “wresters” in the company going head to head. Fast paced action through out, not a lot of complaints for an opening match and Bryan gets the clean win over Cody. I wish I had something funny or insightful but just a solid match, coulda been longer…how’s that? Also rumor is Micheal Cole was told to tone down the annoying and overly bashing of the babyfaces, and if that’s true, a toned down Cole is still one of the worst parts of the show.
Johnny Ace backstage and his weekly text-romp has encounter with The Miz complaining about R-Truth attacking him last week. Miz runs off yelling about being a sitting duck and as he runs off we see R-Truth stalking the Miz dressed in a puffy shirt and black vest. Are we headed back to the dancing singing teaming with Eve R-Truth that everyone hated?
There’s a remember when for Royal Rumble 1988 shown and we’re all renminded how close One Man Gang was to winning the first Rumble.
Wade Barrett hot off of the heels of murdering Randy Orton on Smackdown last week by pushing him down a flight of stairs or whatever you call them in England. So Barrett makes his way to the ring and cuts a promo saying stuff about the BUARET BARUAGE! Lucky Santino interupts to fight for the honor of Randy Orton. I did enjoy Santino calling it The Barrett Garage and he did announce that “We fight right now” and called for the bell. Classic Santino squash match. The winds of change continue to blow.
Sheamus vs The Miz: This is a great example of two guys who have nothing to do lately. I guess The Miz can feud with R-Truth but Sheamus has just been bottom feeding for about 3 months. I think first things first for Sheamus is beg the writers to keep Hornswoggle away from him. So Sheamus pretty much pummles The Miz and holy shit he’d pummeled The Miz doing that chest bash thing for about 30 seconds too long. So he breaks it and The Miz takes off into the crowd when R-Truth makes his way through the crowd and Miz heads back to the ring where Sheamus kicks him in the face and leaves the rest for R-Truth. Truth hits the devistating “Water Bottle” Punch. We all know how flimzy those poland springs bottles are with that environment saving plastic garbage, so I think it’s time to evolve to Otunga’s titanium coffee mug punch. So I guess they’re going for the R-Truth crazy little jimmy get got good guy character now. Eh.
Ziggler promos before his match against CM Punk and I wish this could would get the mic more often. I do believe he can be the Ying to CM Punk’s yang. A great feud could be had between these two, trading victories in big time matches and some great verbal sparring, but alas I think after tonight Cm Punk’s future will be decided for the next few months. We shall see.
CM Punk vs Dolph Ziggler: I’ve said it before, I’m a CM Punk mark and nothing gets me more aggriavted than when he kneels down during his intro to do the “It’s clobberin’ time” that he’s been doing for years and they just decided to show now’ish and the camera cuts away to a couple of heavy set females wearing CM Punk shirts. Thank you. As expected this is a very solid wrestling match between two great wrestlers. This should have been the main event but I’m guessing the main event will be interupted by “The End Begins” guy or girl. Punk and Ziggler faced off a few weeks ago and it wasn’t esspecially great, but I think this is the match they wanted to have. There was really no wasted motion in this match as both guys traded offense back and worth. At one point the turnbuckle comes off and this makes Launinitis come down to the ring and interferes asking to the ref to put it back on. This causes the ref to miss the anacona vice and Ziggler tap out. In the confustion Ziggler slams into Johnny Ace and then bounces Punk to the ropes and Launinitis pulls to the rope down sending Punk crashing to the floor. This causes Punk to get counted out and Ziggler wins and even runs off with the title. It wasn’t a clean finish but it works and it progresses the story between Ziggler and Punk. Just announce the match for Rumble and let’s build toward something.
Bella Twins vs Eve and Kelly Kelly: I’m not wasting my time talking about this match in detail. Highlights, Kelly Kelly did that awkward butt face thing she does, and I think Eve broke one of the Bella’s arm doing an awkward moonsault, and the other Bella completely failing to pull off a convincing roll up.
So here we are half an hour left in the show and it’s time for the big reveal. The lights hit, the camera shakes to give the feel of an arena exclusive earthquake, Jericho’s music hits and there he stands in an LED light jacket. This is where the roller coaster of emotions starts going from good, to bad to awesome. He walks to the ring with a huge ovation, he’s got the goofy rock star LED light jacket, no shirt underneath, he’s smiling, fist pumping, begging the crowd to go nuts and starting to feel slightly depressed. Let me preface this by saying I love Chris Jericho, great wrestler, one of the best heels in the business, nice guy in real life, but his turn in the early 2000’s as a babyface sucked. For the record and I know I’m not alone in thinking his BEST character was the one he used when he “tried” to start a feud with Goldberg in WCW, man of 1004 holds, etc. So he’s smiling and going on and doing victory laps, and I don’t want to see a babyface Jericho, no one should. So this is going on and it’s starting to get awkward with his weird smiling and looking like a mental patient and then I get a text from my buddy Lee (comic reviewer on Pop Junk, Professional Fart-Smith) and he’s saying how drawn out this is and then it hits me. It’s Brilliant! He’s pretty much trolling the fans, and he’s tickling the Tim and Eric side of my personality and for the remained to this segment I laughed. By the time he drops the mic and walks up the ramp people are booing, he’s still got that awkward grin on his face and it’s mission accomplished. I really hope the promos about the end and the girl was just one big internet joke, but maybe there’s more too it, who knows. Bottom line is Jericho is too smart to do the same thing twice, so bravo sir, can’t wait to see what happens next.
I also find it funny that Cole and King have to act super surprised that Jericho showed up despite the dozen or so Y2J signs in the crowd.
Jack Swagger/Mark Henry/Kane vs Zack Ryder/John Cena/The Big Show. The match begins with the announcement that Kane has decided “not to participate” which begs alot of questions. Can you do that? Did Kane roll up on Johnny Ace and say “I’m not going to wrestle in this match” and he was like “fine” This is the main event, shouldn’t WWE officials demand to you be in the match? Whatever, this match was kind of a joke, Big Show and Mark Henry did a sword fight with chairs and got double eliminated for no real reason. That left Jack Swagger to get beat handily by Cena and Ryder. This leaves us with Kane who pops up through the ring and tried to drag Ryder to hell. Cena slides over to make the save, pulls his friend to safety and then through the hole in the ring comes a blast of pyros. Everyone shits their respective pants and that’s our show.
Solid Show that had two really good match (Cody and Bryan/ Punk and Ziggler) The return and silence of Y2J and a bullshit mainevent with some shooting fire. All in all, worth it…see ya next week.