Raw Review: 12/5/2011: How much Ryder is too much Ryder?

Here we go; Pop Junk feeds the wrestling fans feedback for WWE’s flag ship show Monday Night Raw and this week was a solid, less disappointing episode.

Raw kicks off with Cena making his way to the ring to his usual but loud mixed reaction to address the cheers and the boos brought up last week by Piper’s Pit segement.  Reguardless if you want him to rise above hate, turn heel or smell in his farts in the middle of the ring, you can’t deny he’s a polorizing figure for the WWE. I am glad the WWE is addressing that half the arena hates him and not pretending that they’re saying “boo-erns”  Bottom line; Cena is a nessesary evil and maybe turning heel just doesn’t fit into what they’re trying to accomplish so just accept it and move on.  Cena talks to the crowd and after saying “WWE Universe” 19 times he finally address CM Punk and how he’d like to go into Wrestlemania as the WWE Champion.  Part of me would like them to rekindle that rivalry but I think that time has passed us by on that and I feel a fatal four way at TLC is probably headed out way.  In the middle of talking about being  number 1 contender for CM Punk, Del Rio rushes out to refute Cena but doesn’t make it very far because Ziggler comes out to stand on his head and claim he deserves a shot at the title.  The Miz also does the same but then John Laurenitis makes his way out with my hair cut from elementry school and slowly follows the script setting up matches for tonight’s Raw.  Each guy will take on a Smackdown superstar to qualify for a shot at CM Punk at the TLC pay-per view which is probably tomorrow for all I know.  Hopefully hot farts is treading on Twitter.

Randy Orton vs The Miz:  I just want to mention for those who don’t rabidly scoure the internet for wrestling news; I mentioned last week as a maybe, but it’s been confirmed John Morrison is no longer in the WWE, and not a single fuck was given by the internet wrestling community.  Anyhow Miz and Orton is a good opening match for Raw and a match of consequence.  Predictably Wade Barrett interupts mid match and Orton runs him down and gets counted out fairly quickly.  Miz is now in the main event at TLC. (shrug)

Before commerical they promote a special announcment about the WWE Network.  Fingers crossed for a WWE Legends real world themed reality show…and that’s not a joke, I want that show yesterday.

And……it’s true, holy shit! Legend’s House!  I’m going to start fantasy booking that show immediatly;  First two entrance should be Sunny and Bret Hart and Bret’s bitchy wife from “Wrestling With Shadows” and throw in Animal from Legion of Doom too, he was there when she yelled at all the superstars backstage.

Back to the show where Johnny Ace sets up what i think is an interesting match which is John Cena vs Zack Ryder;  If Cena wins he’s in the TLC match and if Ryder wins he gets his US title match.  Johnny Ace, he knows drama.

Otunga tells Kevin Nash he’s having a missletow on a pole match against Triple H at TLC for the opportunity to kiss a superstar of the winners choosing.  Nash urinates on him while singing the wrong lyrics to “Africa” by Toto and he’s also in action tonight, but he doesn’t ask who, because he used Just for Men…score!  (Ladder match with a sledgehammer hung above the ring is what really happened)

Otunga slurps his coffee like a homeless man eating soup….I can only assume I’ve never seen or heard a homeless eat (drink) soup but I assume it sounds loud and disgusting.

Del Rio vs Daniel Bryan:  HEY! American Dragon on Raw.  He’s got taped ribs from last weeks title match against Mark Henry so I assume this will be a loss for Bryan but whatever, atleast he’s on Raw.  Anywho this match is a quick one with Del Rio picking up the win.  We’re one guy away from a fatal fourway.

Kelly Kelly and Eve vs Beth and Natalya:  I hope I wasn’t the only one who noticed Cole slip up and say he was “hard” when Kelly Kelly and Eve walked down to the ring.  Rewind the DVR because it happened.  I hope Cole’s Boner is trending on Twitter, sweet retribution.  Anywho Kelly Kelly gets the win via quick roll up and enough of this shit!  Just have a regular match and stop making the people you want to look strong look stupid, this is accomplishing nothing.

If before every Patriots game they showed what the game would look like with clips of Madden 12 people would roll their eyes.  Every time the WWE shows me what a match thats up next would look like on WWE 12 I roll my fuckin eyes.

Cena vs Ryder.  These two guys actually have some good chemestry in the ring and take their time to build a good match with the 10 o’clock spot.  I do have one complaint which is twice in the match Ryder sets up to hit the ruff (rough?) ryder for about 3 minutes and it’s about as awkward as “take care, spike your comb over, woo woo woo, I shouldn’t have dyed my hair without asking” Cena picks up the win begrudgingly.

Cena feels there has been injustice and tracks down Johnny Ace and gives up his spot at the PPV so Zack Ryder can have another shot at a chance for the US title. Ryder will have another match tonight for a shot at the US title.  This is alotta hoops to jump through for a pretty inconsiquential title….sorry WCW.

So back from commercial Ryder is already in the ring ready for his next opponent and it’s Mark Henry (lol) I like this program, actually drawing this out for Ryder to get his shot at the US title, you know…building it up.  Well before the match they say it’s a no DQ match so that prompts Cena to come out and AA Mark Henry and Ryder picks up the win.  Doesn’t it seem like the WWE wants Cena to do nice things for Ryder so people will like him again.

Kevin Nash vs Santino:  Nash hasn’t lost a step since his days of boring NWO Wolfpac matches.  This match was quick and painless for the most part.  It’s tough to build interest in a match with Nash and Triple H when only one guy is on TV and he’s the least interesting of the two.

Ziggler vs Sheamus:  This was a great/good match if the end wasn’t muddled with another Zack Ryder appearance.  Sheamus didn’t need Ryder to interrupt the match in order to pick up a win and not make Ziggler look bad.  This sets up a triple treat for TLC and makes room for Ryder vs Ziggler…which is fine.

Contract Signing:  Miz, Del Rio and Punk enter the velvet ring to join John Laurenitis to sign the contract for the main event as CM Punk plays mystery science theater 3000 pointing out how pointless these are and making many hilarious (sarcastic wank) pop culture references along the way. The Miz talks and is trying waaaay too hard to capture the super serious version of Chris Jericho pretty ineffectively…lighten up Francis.  The Miz however does mention how he injured Morrison last week and the WWE had to release John Morrison which is new.  Laurenitis is always subject to scrutiny for being incredibly boring but he got a legitimate laugh when he looked at the camera and said good luck to your future endeavors to John Morrison which actually sounded more like “Fuck you CM Punk” through my TV.  Another laugh came when he asked all three guys to pose for a picture for WWE.com.  Punk scoffs at such a request and starts a pier 6 brawl (?) Raw ends with Punk beating up both challengers and goes off the air.

Good Show, not great but solid.  They progressed some story lines and built for the upcoming pay per view, there really isn’t more you can ask for. See ya next week, Junkers.



~ by ATOM on December 5, 2011.

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