WWE Raw Review: Occupy Boston Edition

Raw opens to an errie silence with no announcers, tech people, no one, just the crowd with their fingers up their noses in bewilderment. It’s a different and interesting opening but The WWE strike against Triple H feels similar to Occupy Boston, I’m really unsure what they are protesting?  Run-ins? Anyhow Triple H comes out and luckily the sound guy is busy at work cause his music hits.  He coms out and says he’ll stick a broom stick up his ass if he has to entertain the crowd himself.  Actually he’s pretty fired up and entertaining in his rant against the superstars protesting Raw.  Cena comes out and joins Triple H in the ring and says he sides with Triple H against the wrestlers protest.  He mentions the shitty bosses he’s had, Vince, Bishoff, and even has an unkind word for Mike Adamly.  Cena says his loyalty lies with the people in the crowd and at home, much to the chagrin of the “I hate Cena” guy who has a front row Seat tonight.  After never giving up, A great White man named Sheamus comes to the ring and it’s at this point where I’m really digging not habing Cole talk during the opening.  Sheamus plays face and says he respects Triple H for beating him at Mania and says Monday Night Raw really loud.  Following Sheamus is CM Punk out to the ring and takes responsible for the walk out because of his actions in the past.  (Sort of true)  At one point CM Punk calls Cena “Boy Scout” and I mentally index an upcoming blog about CM Punk/Cena being the Batman and Superman of the WWE.  Triple H sets up a match with Cena and Sheamus since they are the only people at Raw, and he sends Cm Punk to do announcing.  He asks Triple H if he can wear his blazer, Triple H gives him a thumbs up, asks him to ring the bell and this becomes one of my favorite openings to Raw in a long time.  WHO’S GONNA WIN!? Punk says as it goes to commercial.  (Production guys are still working as well.)

As soon as we come back from commercial it’s Vince McMahon, kind of a surprise actually. He kicks everyone out but Triple H who he wants to have a word with.  Vince talks about the cancellation of house shows, PPV’s and even Raw if the walk out continues.  He explains that the board of directors are asking for Triple H to step down as COO.  The board has named an interim general manager and its executive vice president of nothing interesting John fuckin suckbag Laurnatis. the man capable of sucking all the charisma out of the room.  This guy is a black hole on tv and I hope this really just comes and goes and they have a really cool plan to make the new COO someone who brings some interest.

Johnny fucknuts welcomes everyone back into the arena as he sets up a match between Christian and John Morrison and we even get a Daniel Bryan sighting, highlight!  Afterwards the announcers come out, JR, King (no anal bleeding) and Cole.

Morrison and Christian engage in a specialty match….a street clothes match?  Anyhow we get some wrestling even though I’m constantly distracted by a terrible sign of Cena being kissed by some old lady that takes up about 5 rows.  Christian wins quickly and The Masters of Evil attack Morrison post match.  (Swags, Cody, Ziggy, and Christian)

The moisture machine Mark Henry vs Randy Orton in a regular tights match now with Smackdown highlights and pepper in some commercials and you’ve got yourself a bathroom break.  Seriously I missed most of this match (damn chickwings) But it was interrupted by a Cody Rhodes run in.  Henry Strongest Slams Orton a few times and as Cody Rhodes looks on bewildered and then slides into the ring to deliver a crossroads and then a dude runs out with the bags.  Cody decorates Orton’s head with a paper bag, makes a funny paper bag joke and then laughs for way too long.  Orton has been bagged!

Not for nothing but Kelly Kelly was Divas champion since June and in this day and age of title swapping, that seems like a pretty damn long time.  Kelly and Eve take on Roas and Tamina and Rosa Mendes is fucking awful!  She found a way to botch two different spots in about 15 seconds, impressive even by Diva standards.  Say what you want but honestly I’m very impressed by Kelly Kelly lately, she has actually developed as a wrestler.  Anyhow this match sucked but Eve did hit a crooked Terry Funk moonsault, good times!

Johnny Ace comes out to the ring and invites JR into the ring, I’m curious to see what new way they can embarrass JR this week.  Maybe the old pants ya in the middle of the ring, pie to the crotch.  Nope he just fires him.  JR tips his cap and exits the arena in search of a “twitter machine”

6 Man tag Mason Ryan (new music) and Air Poop also got some new butt-rap rock music, it’s better than them fighting over who’s theme is better. (Bourns)  Vs Ziggler, Swagger, and Otunga.  Decent action but this pairing needs to be mixed up a bit, Mason Ryan wasn’t terrible and seems to be getting over.  Mason Ryan gets the win and then completely dismisses Evan Bourn who pretty much dead in the ring after a Swagger Power Bomb and celebrates his win over his motionless corpse.

Punk and Del Rio: Entertaining for the most part although maybe they could have just waited for a PPV all together for this, whatever, still a fun match to watch.  then interrupted by the reinstatement of R-Truth and Miz and made a tag match.  Del Rio bails after a few minutes and Cm Punk carries a pretty decent match until they double team him and get DQ’ed.  Triple H comes in for the save and they announce Triple H and Cm Punk vs Miz and Truth at Vengeance.

Good Raw, not Great.  The opening was the best part of the show, and the last match was good, most of the middle was throw away.  Til next week.

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~ by ATOM on October 10, 2011.

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