New on DVD and at the Theater this week.

Here’s some delicious treats for all you movies fans out there, it’s what’s new on screens big and small.  Much like last week, it’s filled with more shit.  (Now with less pesticides)

 

DVD this week (8/16/11)

 

1. Priest (Paul Bettany) This is a westner-fused post apocalyptic, post Underworld, pre-Resident Evil 9: I can’t find a fucking type writer (if that joke wasn’t funny then you have no soul and never owned a ps1) This movie looks suspiciously like the last movie this guy made with the angels and the such and the hot chick from “Friday Night Lights.” (yes I watch FNL, suck it!) Even the inclusion of Karl Urban doesn’t make me wanna get this off of netflix and fast forward through it.

17% on rotten tomatoes, view at own risk.

Not recommended unless you enjoy the smell of someone Else’s farts.

 

2. “Something Borrowed”  It’s a chick flick with Kate Hudson, that is truly the only thing you need to be told about a movie.

15% on rotten tomatoes, please don’t see this if you have a penis or an over sized vagina.

3. “Jane Eyre, The highest rated movie on rotten tomatoes this week, and is a book adaptation and has Michael Fassbender in it so it has to be good.  Seriously I have heard very little about this movie other than that it is a very faithful adaptation to a book published in the mid-1800’s that I don’t know a single person who has read it. 

82% on rotten tomatoes

 

TV: Dexter Season 5:  I’m only on season 2 but this show is as advertised, very entertaining…I can’t really recommend season 5 to you if you haven’t watched season 1-4, and if you have I don’t think I need to recommend this to you…ok let’s start over…Hey everyone Dexter 5 came out this week…if you didn’t know. (wipes brow…and arse)

Opening in theater’s friday.

Conan: The BarbarianArnold Schwarzenegger Jason Momoa stars as the famed hero “Conan” : The Barbarian/Destroyer/Horny in this remake of the famous 1982 action cut-em up (like a shoot em up, but with things that cut) I promise to have a review of this movie up by Sunday.  I’m sending one of my bravest, most noble Pop-Junkers to see this flick, because..well..he knows what is good in life.  In all seriousness I heard this movie is a bloody fucking mess and worth it, also Jason Momoa rules in Game of Thrones and Rachel Nichols is god damn magnificent looking. I think this movie just made my ta-do list…if you know what i mean.  It means I might see it.

Fright Night:  This is another remake (I think I see an upcoming trend in hollywood) of the 1985 vampire movie which I do enjoy the original and I may actually this as well. (despite the subtraction of a teenage Amanda Bearse…Marcy from Married with Children) This one stars Anton Yelchin and Will Farrell….wait, Colin Ferrell…maybe not then.  No seriously any movie where there is a montage of a kid gearing up to fight a monster ala Monster Squad/Lost Boys is right up my alley.

Bonus: Hobo with a Shotgun (Streaming on Netflix) I’ve been waiting for a long time to see this flick.  Starting as just a trailer made  for a contest with the release of “Grindhouse” some 4 years ago, which got optioned as an indy flick staring Rutger “Fucking” Hauer (its his actual middle name) as said Hobo with said Shotgun.  This is an exploitation film at it’s bloodiest.   Check out the home made trailer and then tell me without lying that you don’t wanna see it.  (on facebook, I’ve recently decided I’m no longer talking to people in person anymore) Stream this movie on netflix and stream it hard.

 

I’m A-Stew and those are movies.

 

 

 

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~ by ATOM on August 18, 2011.

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