Monday Night Raw on a Tuesday-Review (8/8/11)

The Summer of Punk continues on in the WWE, and as much as I don’t wanna sound like an internet mark or a band wagon jumper, so far every time Punk has been in the ring or has the mic in his hand he’s electric.  Even people who aren’t wrestling fans, I’ve shown them the work/shoot/promo heard round the world and were impressed.  In the ring he’s solid, a total work horse who has that Bret Hart effortless quality to him that makes him a joy to watch.  I’ll be the first to admit I wasn’t a huge Punk fan to start when I jumped back into wrestling fully a little more than a year ago.  My first live event in almost 10 years was the 900th episode of Raw last August and it was atrocious to be kind.  The one lone highlight was the awesome, utter bomb shell of a promo that Punk laid on the Boston crowd that night, which culminated in the glass breaking and Stone Cold Steve Austin’s music blaring over the TD Garden crowd. In unison everyone leapt to their feet in a frenzy, even I jumped up in complete naivety.  Punk stood in the ring trembling with his straight edge society, but then as the music continued and no one came out, a total shit eating grin devoured Punk’s face.  Boston had been punk’d and I couldn’t help but put my hands together and marvel at a truly remarkable heel promo.  Classic.

Yet now a majority of the people at the live shows are cheering Punk, and its because of one thing alone, truth.  Nothing he’s been saying has been a lie, it’s all been true and it’s been on the tip of everyone’s tongue for years now.  Claiming to be the voice of the voiceless is tough in this age of Twitter and social media but the thing is the fans have no voice back stage and that’s where the voice of the voiceless is most important, and hopefully being heard.  That being said, let’s take a look at the good home show for Summerslam.

I watch Raw every week at a friends house with two of my buddys because it’s something we’ve done together for years now…and my girlfriend doesn’t want to watch it so I have to go out.  That being said, the less interesting the episode the more my friends start rambling and losing interest and I’m hoping this is going to be a good episode because if they get going I’m gonna have a hard time focusing on this article.

So we’re off and running and Triple H’s music hits and my eyes are rolling 15 seconds in. He opens the show talking about himself and then sets up the big revelation of who will be the special guest ref at Summerslam, at which point I yell at the TV “Please not you.”  The room stays silence at my gesture because their scared I might be right…and I am.  At this point we check out earlier than usual and I’m asked if I think HHH still shaves his armpits since he’s not wrestling anymore, at this point my eyes roll out of my head and exit through my ears.

Cena’s music hits and he walks down to the ring for no apparent reason and bang, commercial break,  off to a stellar start.

Back from commercial and Jack Swagger is dragging his knuckles down to the ring.  I didn’t stop to see if he still did push ups and still had pyro, I think I looked away and wasn’t interested enough to rewind.
Cena wins clean, not too much else to report.  Truth is I’m done with Swagger, he’s had two significant pushes and capitalized on neither, I’m sure they think he has a good look, I just see a dude who’s arms were stretched too far.  Decent match, but barely.

out of 5

Going into commercial, Miz vs Mysterio teased for Raw Tonight, Why not save this for Summerslam, I wonder if something will happen and they won’t fight.  We’ll see.

Summerslam rewind: Mr. Perfect vs Bret Hart;  boring!  These guys coulda learned a thing or two from Alicia Fox vs Melina.

Alberto Del Rio promo: Broken English promo > 90% of the WWE roster.

R-Truth Promo:  2 buns missing.  Why did god create spiders?  Spiders creep.  Grandma Truth and Spider Stu…eaten by Little Jimmy, John Morrison, great promo.  Seriously, his heel persona in my opinon is excellent and his crazy promos are extremely entertaining.

Rey Mysterio comes out and gets attacked by The Miz and then cuts a promo just naming things that exist. (Jimmy Kimmell, Teen Choice Awards, etc)  He demands a forfeit and Justin Roberts says Triple H has signed a new match (bye Anonymous Raw General Manager)  at which point I say “please don’t be Kofi Kingston” and out comes Kofi Kingston.  I don’t have anything against Kofi, he’s not a bad wrestler I’m just kinda sick of him.  He’s a stand in baby face and it’s getting slightly annoying.  At this point I’m starting to dislike the “Go home” Raw’s before the pay-per-view, they do very little to build up anything but the main event, it’s maddening.
Couple of good spots in this match, better than anticipated,  Booyakabooyaka, Miz-1-9.  Miz wins, yippie.

out of 5


Punk talks with Josh Mathews about HHH having a huge ego, he looks very sleepy, nothing special.
Oh look Edge is gonna be on Haven with a crossbow…neat!

Richard Rodriguez is a better announcer than Justin Roberts and Alberto Del Rio didn’t honk the horn of his car this week…bad omen.

Punk’s first match in months not against Cena, which is exciting.  Punk’s “it’s clobberin time!” fist pump might be one of the my favorite entrances in a long time.  Crowd is hot for Punk early in the match as both guys work well together, Del Rio continues to take great bumps.  Punk wins clean in a very good match.

out of 5
“I want the Piper cup” I say half joking coming back from commercial…“I want her cup” my friend’s reply is referring to Beth Phoenix who is walking down to the ring.

Beth Phoenix vs Eve Tores.  Shoulda been a squash match but it wasn’t, very bad match, not Beth’s fault.  Beth wins, asks for a mic and tells Eve to eat shit.

Promo for John Morrison vs Truth, hopefully John Morrison is gonna get got.

“Did I ever tell you the time I was shitting in my bathroom by the gym freshman year, and a buncha seniors came into the bathroom and a kid climbed up and looked at me while I was in mid-dump.”
This question posed to me is a tell tale sign that Raw is losing our interest, so here’s hoping for something cool.

Dolph Ziggler vs Create a wrestler Alex Riley, not what I had in mind.  Match ends in a DQ when Vickie attacks A-Rey , hint toward a Dolph Ziggler/Vickie break up, yawn.
I like Dolph and I don’t hate Riley but they shoulda built up an actually match for Summerslam.
  out of 5
“What if you came out in tights and on the crotch were a dick and balls”

“Keith Stone looks like he smells like piss”

“Blow it out your fart box!”

“They call him The Big Unit but do you think he has a big…. (stops mid sentence to cup a fart and then sends it my way)

Our attention is finally brought back to the show with an awesome Promo Video of Punk vs Cena from Money in the Bank and beyond.

After the promo we get R-Truth vs John Morrison.  I hope this doesn’t end in a DQ or count out.  Couple good spots, entertaining to say the least and I was wrong, a clean win by R-Truth, which I enjoyed very much.

  out of 5
Cena Punk contract signing.

Triple H and Super Dave start the segment inside the ring.  This seems pointless, but it was this or a mixed tag match for the go-home before Summerslam.  Punk and Cena sit down and then Viscera pops up from under the ring and splashes Cena, The End.

Actually Punk gets to the point and says what everyone is thinking, how pointless this whole process is, then he presents the Rock’s long stupid facebook massage to Cena that idiots like me already wasted 10 minutes watching two weeks ago.   Cena defends himself by saying nothing of interest (he may have said he never gives up and something about the troops) and then Triple H calls CM Punk a coward which sets the fuse on the pipe bomb.  Punk then proceeds to throw the WWE under the bus and goes public about how they just fired Vladimir Kozlov, Chris Masters and David Hart Smith.  (Gail Kim and Melina must have slipped his mind)

The core of this angle with CM Punk that I find interesting is he’s sick and tired of the same old crap, which is why I think they totally missed the mark adding Triple H into the mix, but for the first time in years you have to tune in every week because you don’t know what’s going to happen next.  As for tonight’s Raw, did it make me want to drop 50 bucks on Summerslam.  The simple answer is No.  They did nothing to build up the mid-card enough to make me that interested….Also I fear the worst for the main event.  Did the Cena/Punk feud blow its load at Money in the Bank, maybe not, but they will not top that match.

Check out PopJunk sunday night after 11 for the Summerslam results.

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~ by ATOM on August 9, 2011.

One Response to “Monday Night Raw on a Tuesday-Review (8/8/11)”

  1. LMAO!! Love this… especially witnessing most of it!

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