Game of Thrones – “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” Season 3 – Episode 7 A Recap – By Sagebeth

As an episode written by George RR Martin, The Bear and the Maiden Fair, took the time to slow down and check in with all/most of our cast of characters this season. Some saw this as the show moving a bad direction, being slow, but I personally enjoyed this episode. Even its weakest moments are still miles above most modern television series. Let us jump right into the recap to cover what went down on last nights episode.

WHEN YGRITTE THOUGHT PRETTY WOULD MAKE HER HAPPY
The episode opened to Jon and Ygritte doing something we often catch people doing on Game of Thrones, walking and talking. Ygritte is a mess of questions concerning roads, drums used in armies, men carrying sigils, etc. Jon is trying to give her a lesson about his side of the wall but Ygritte is too proud. When something doesn’t make logical sense to her she teases it. Jon hints at teasing the way her “people” are going fight by lighting a great fire. The small spat ends with her walking away telling him he knows nothing. Orwell, the annoying warg who cut them free on the wall, approaches now agreeing with Ygritte that Jon really doesn’t know what he’s talking about. They go on to measure dicks, ending with Orwell saying something disparaging about Ygritte and Jon not staying together. Someone sounds jealous which is completely ridiculous because DUDE CAN LIKE TALK TO ANIMALS.
Later in the episode we are treated to a gem of a scene in which Giantsbane is giving Jon both the best and worst sex talk ever. It is hilarious because the entire time Jon keeps looking over at Ygritte as if silently begging that she can’t hear any of this. He spouts things like “fuck like dogs”, “slick as a baby seal” and “don’t jam it in like you’re spearing a pig”. It’s really a tremendously funny moment that poor Jon Snow could never have imagined in his life. However the scene doesn’t end there. As the wildlings begin walking toward Castle Black again Orwell approaches Ygritte and proves that he is in fact jealous. Not only does he disapprove of Jon because he is not “one of them” but he also thinks he could be better for Ygritte. We are led to Ygritte admitting to loving Jon and Orwell immediately blaming it on Jon’s “prettiness”. Ha. Orwell also hints that he knows as much as Ygritte does about Jon: He is not one of them and he isn’t against the Nights Watch.
Even more into the episode Ygritte proves to be quite the hunter as they continue on their journey to Castle Black. Ygritte also proves to be nothing but a country bumpkin as her eyes practically bug out of her head in astonishment at a tiny broken down windmill thinking it is a castle. Man, how much did you wish you could immediately show her something like the Red Keep. Girls legs would be behind her head. Around now is also when Jon Snow decides to impart a sad truth to Ygritte: They won’t win. They being the wildlings. Jon Snow continues his tradition of blowing Ygritte’s mind by dropping some history bombs. The wildlings are brave but six times in the last thousand years a king beyond the wall has tried to rise from the wall and all six times they failed. Jon doesn’t see how this time they could be any different. He thinks if they attack the wall they all will die. Ygritte amends the statement by including him in on the them. They seal it with a kiss that drips in tragic outcomes on the horizon. Sigh.

WHEN TALISA HAS A LITTLE PRINCE OR PRINCESS INSIDE OF HER
King Robb and his company are on their way to his uncles wedding to one of the Frey’s but their journey is stopped by rain. Catelyn is hyper sensitive about upsetting Walder Frey (again) but there doesn’t seem to be any other decision to make. She does make it known that even though Edmure is marrying one of the daughters Walder didn’t want a suitable a husband but a king for his family. Robb, like me though, has had enough and tells everyone they should really get some sleep which is a kinky King Robb code for everyone get out so I can have sex with Talisa.  Kissy faces!
Later on after some suitable nakedness that we have come to expect on Game of Thrones we watch Robb and Talisa bask in some post sex errands. Robb, donning his robe, sits at his war table to pretend to strategize while Talisa lays completely nude on their bed writing a letter to his mother. This scene needs to credit Talisa ass because it is center stage for the majority of this scene especially when Robb threatens to “attack“ her again if she doesn’t put on some clothes. Also this is where I started to really enjoy having the man, George RR Martin, penning this because he is really injecting some great culture points from his world that the HBO writers sometimes overlook. An example is mentioning Talisa writing to her mother in Valyrian. An interesting fact is Talisa hasn’t broken the news of her wedding to Robb, therefore she hasn’t told her mother that she is a Queen. An even more interesting fact is Talisa’s use of the phrase “many surprises for her” meaning that she has more to surprise her mother with than “I’m a queen now ma!”. This was the first time I suspected that lovely but boring Talisa has a bun in the oven and I am proven right a few moments later when Talisa asks Robb to go to Valyria with her when the war is over – because her mother would love to meet him and her grandchild. Robb is all smiles and yes‘s while he stares at his war table until he replays that last bit in his head: Grandchild?!?  Robb practically spews happiness as they haggle over a girl, a boy, or both. This entire scene is meant to bring us closer to this couple and realize we should be happy for them and even with them which is usually a huge red flag on game of thrones. Warning if you are a Robb and/or Talisa fan brace yourself because no one is meant to be happy on this show so it can’t last.

WHEN SANSA ONLY WANTED TO SEE KINGS LANDING AFTER DARK
Now we get to catch up with my new favorite besties. Sansa is still crying over marrying Tyrion in Kings Landing while Margeary is trying to comfort her. Sansa laments all of her naïve notions before she came to Kings Landing calling herself a stupid girl who never learns – which is sad but a bit true for the reality of it. Margearys answer is to get Sansa moving, asking her to walk with her as she begins to explains in her special way how she views Sansa’s situation. Margeary wishes for Sansa to not be so unhappy and urges her to make the best of her circumstances as all women in their predicament must. Margeary points out the obvious: Tyrion has never mistreated her. He has also tried to be kind to her. He is also far from the worst Lannister. This jars Sansa from her melancholy realizing that after all her complaining Margeary is still to wed Joffrey. Margeary, always so quick and smart, explains that she will have a son with the King and sons learn from their mothers. Then Margeary points out how much power Sansa metaphorical son would entail. This further proves that poor Sansa is a bit of a stupid girl as she didn’t even think about how she will have to have sex with Tyrion. Margeary’s knowing smile is so amazing. I love Natalie Dormer and her silly nose and facial expressions. Margeary shares that she thinks Tyrion is actually pretty good looking, and especially with her scar (RAWR! Now that’s a couple that would dominate). Sansa, the silly stupid girl, points out that he’s a dwarf – because she apparently thinks we all have forgotten. Ha.
Margeary then waxes on about the nature of being a woman and trying to figure out where one draws pleasure which leads her to another reason why Sansa shouldn’t be crying: Tyrion is experienced and could actually give her pleasure. Sansa is aghast at to how him being experienced with other people could actually be a good thing. Margeary, her smile in tow, explains how they (women) are very complicated and is takes time and experience to learn how to please them. Sansa, still truly baffled, asks where Margeary would learn such a thing: her mother?! (HA-endless laughter) Margeary probably finally giving up on teaching Sansa worldly ways just smiles and lies: Of course her mother taught her.

WHEN BRONN PUT EVIL NOTIONS IN TYRIONS HEAD
Tyrion is agonizing to Bronn about his upcoming nuptials much like Sansa and Bronn, much like Margeary doesn’t see the issue. This is also a perfect scene to demonstrate why these two characters work so well together: Tyrion often thinks about everything and finds issue with everything while Bronn is the picture of unphased – absolutely nothing bothers him. Bronn’s all around view of this situation is that Tyrion will have two women and a whole kingdom from this situation. Tyrion quips that it will be two women that despise him and a whole kingdom to join them in hating him. Bronn, coming to conclusion, thinks he knows the real problem here: Tyrion actually wants to bed Sansa. Ha. He denies it but it doesn’t make this scene any less fun.
Later in the episode Tyrion is gifting Shea with some pimpin’ gold chain to which Shea seems to hate. It seems Shea the funny whore has become Shea is the entitled bitter whore. She is taking issue with Sansa and it is truly changing her entire outlook. She wants Tyrion to run away with her. Tyrion rightfully thinks this is a silly idea for him – what is he going to do juggle? He wants to take care of her here – including children. Shea is shocked that he’d even mention children – me too! Shea seems to have gathered one solid piece of information about her relationship with Tyrion: No matter how much he doesn’t say it or act like it she is still his whore and only his whore.
Also in Kings Landing was a quick scene between Melisandre and Gendry. They’re sailing between the brunt shipwrecks in Blackwater Bay which is kind of cool but the point of this scene is for Gendry to be told about his true father: the late king Robert Baratheon. A fun side note was learning that Melisandre was born into slavery until the lord of light raised her up – apparently literally. Also it was still funny to watch Gendry not believe for the second that he has noble blood. Yet, no matter how happy I am that this young man is getting a solid plotline I can’t help but want to tell him to run as Melisandre explains that there is power in kings blood.

WHEN CURIOSITIES ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD ARE OF NO THREAT TO TYWIN
This next scene is actually one of my favorite moments to date on the show mostly in thanks to Michelle MacLaren who directed this scene into history in my opinion. King Joffrey, sitting alone chilling on his Iron Throne has summoned his grandfather Tywin. I like to think that Joffrey had to mentally prepare to confront Tywin, even planning confronting his grandfather from such a seat of importance. This also makes Tywin’s silly musical chairs game earlier this season much more entertaining. Joffrey is annoyed at being left out of his small council matters – even though he hasn’t even tried to attend an actual meeting. This could be based however on Tywin moving the Small Council chamber to his area in the castle which happens to have a bunch of stairs to climb which Joffrey totally doesn’t want to do. This is when Tywin hilariously approaches his grandson, towering over him in his little iron chair, brittles with an impatiences only Tywin can communicate without saying so, and announces that he works better from home if Joffrey really wants to go to the meeting he could arrange it for Joffrey to be CARRIED to them. HA. This is where I thought Joffrey would start crying and beg Tywin to back off his power but instead Joffrey said something completely shocking – I find it shocking because it is the first time Joffrey is heartily right about something and Tywin is downright wrong. Joffrey asks about Dany and her dragons! Tywin explains the reverse evolution of Dragons and therefore says it can’t possibly be a big deal. Ha! I love how Tywin even wins when he is wrong. Strike that. Especially when he is wrong. This marks one of the few moments Joffrey will ever be utterly in the right – He should know about Dany. He should know about his small council meetings. He should be being taught how to deal with this stuff instead of them just letting him run around killing whores.

WHEN DANY ASKED WHAT HAPPENS TO SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T BEND
Catching with Dany we get some insight from Jorah into the new slave city in her crosshairs: Yunkai. Also known as the yellow city, Yunkai has weak soldiers but strong walls that they could easily hide behind from enemies like her. I had to rewatch this scene a bunch because Dany’s hood is fucking mesmerizing. Jorah lets her know that Yunkai is probably not worth wasting her army on – but she asks how many slaves are there – 200,000. In turn Dany says she has 200,000 reasons to invade. Gulp. She sends word to Yunkai for the slavers to surrender to her or else they will suffer the same fate as Astapor.
Later on she gets a visit from one of the city slaver guys, an emissary, bearing gold as a gift for Dany, and being carried by slaves – literally. He approaches her tent and we get an amazing sight: Dany and her three dragons just lounging on a couch. This is the first time I’ve been stricken with how queenly Dany is becoming – a true majesty to behold. A queen flanked by dragons and advisors. She also has a new title added to her many awesome ones: The breaker of chains. Sick. The emissary is rightfully nervous but still pitches what Yunkai thinks the Silver Queen should do: He gives her a chest full of gold as well as more gold waiting on a ship to take her to Westros and therefore how her leave their city alone. Ha. Dany, not playing, says she will spare the city and this mans life is EVERY slave is freed with restitution. She also tells him that if he rejects this gift she will not show any mercy – OH and she’s keeping the gold because it was a gift and her dragons effing love gifts. She also sends Jorah to find out what “powerful friends” the Emissary was boosting about before running for the hills.

WHEN THE BROTHERHOOD GOT LESS COOL
Arya is not speaking with the Brotherhood as she sees them as traitors now – after all of the bullshit she has been put there I am not surprised at her breaking point concerning them giving away Gendry for coin. They try to say they did it because it was the command of the “one true god”. Arya doesn’t believe in the lord of light though so when asked who her one true god is she explains perfectly: Death. What a scary little mother fucker. They can’t ask her anymore questions as they hear that some Lannister soldiers are close for them to fight. Arya is all, but you were taking me to my brother in Riverrun and that is in the other direction, and they’re all, we’ll go after this one last thing. It is all too much for the young budding sociopath as Arya makes a run for it. They try to chase her but alas fate is ready for Arya again as she runs straight into The Hound who is hiding in the woods. He takes her and I’m left wondering what the hell is going to happen now.

WHEN THEON’S TORTURE SOMEHOW EVOLVED INTO SOMETHING WORSE
Theon is unfortunately still being tortured but today is different. He is woken up by two servant girls who begin to clean him and seduce him – constantly referring to his junk  as “it”. Theon, like us, knows this is some kind of trap or joke but is powerless to do anything other than beg for help. As they finally begin to get a sexual reaction from Theon the entire erotic episode is interrupted awesomely by the not-savior-horn blower. He plays with the dialogue asking more about Theon’s penis making me truly fear for Theon. After some more mild beating, and milling dialogue about Theon loving girls with his penis the man take out a ridiculously scary shaped knife that I’m trying endless to forget about. Theon begs mercy as he realizes – as do we – that the man is about to take Theon’s favorite appendage. Who else was happy that they faded out of this scene sooner rather than later?

WHEN OSHA ORIGINS HAPPENED
Osha is seriously getting sick of these Reed kids. Jojen just sleeps and talks to Bran all day and Meera is too proper for Osha’s liking. She tries to plead her case to Hodor who of course gives us all a mighty “Hodor” in response trying to answer Osha. Bran tries to deflate her but Osha wants Jojen to answer her or at least fight back. First she wants answers concerning the three eyed raven. He has nothing straight forward to say. Osha doesn’t want them talking anymore until they get to Castle Black. Jojen spills the beans that they are no longer going to Castle Black. They want Bran to go find the raven beyond the wall. Osha, getting more flustered argues against it, imposing family on Bran. But Bran, perhaps feeling the pull of destiny feels like he must move forward on his journey and that is finding the raven. This is about the time Osha has a meltdown about being beyond the wall and the horror that the white walkers were for her: taking her great love and turning him against her. She burned down their hut with him in it and probably ran for the south until her fateful run in with little Lord Bran. To her the north is no place for men to be, at least, not anymore. She swears she will get them to Castle Black and not any further.

HARRENHAL IS FOR LOVERS AND BEARS
Jamie is sharing a quiet but sort of lovely goodbye with Brienne as he is set to leave for Kings Landing the next day. The trouble is that Roose Bolton is leaving at the same time heading to Edmure and the Frey wedding therefore leaving Brienne at Harrenhal as a prisoner. It all feels wrong to both us as an audience and Jamie. Brienne says Jamie is doing her no wrong as long as he keeps his word and returns the Stark girls to their mother (like to see him try). She says goodbye calling him Ser Jamie probably making him weak in the knees. On his way out of the keep Qyburn helps him with his saddle leaving Roose to admit the Qyburn is probably looking for a favor. They set out on their journey to Kings Landing.
But before long they’ve stopped for a quick rest while Qyburn checks on Jamie’s bloody stump. We get some more fun George RR Martin insight as Jamie pointedly asks why the citadel (head maester casa) took his fancy maester chains. It turns out his experimented on living subjects. How lovely. A Westerosi mad doctor. Qyburn compares himself and Jamie by their death count trying to communicate how useful his work is. Jamie is “countless” (awesome). This is about when Jamie starts asking about Brienne’s future and we learn that Jamie’s little untruth that saved Brienne from being raped episodes ago has come back to haunt them. Locke Bolton won’t accept Brienne’s fathers modest reward for returning Brienne because his believes that her father actually owns all the sapphire mines in Westros. Shit. Qyburn puts it plain: No matter how fool hardy those men will kill Brienne tonight as entertainment considering most of them will be dead by Winter. This when we see that Jamie’s long lost conscience has completely taken hold of his personality as he begins realizing that he can’t bear (ha bear) the thought of her faces such a fate. So Jamie tries his charming money bags bit one more time and strikes gold! The man in charge of getting Jamie back to Kings Landing is a Bolton but also seems to be looking for some sort of recognition or reward. Jamie speaks plain, he could tell his father this man either took off his hand or saved him. Sigh. Jamie commands that they return to Harrenhal now.
They get back to an empty looking estate, cue the soft echoes of the Bolton men singing the same tune they sung episodes ago, and this episodes namesake: The Bear and the Maiden Fair. Jamie, gushingly rushes toward the singing to ward the men stationed above a large pit watching something happening inside. Jamie rushes to the railing and we see that it is Brienne in a now stained red dress fighting a huge bear with only a long wooden training sword. Hilariously we spy Locke in the crowd grousing at her shameful performance and to quit running and fight. Jamie approaches unable to do anything else, and pleads her case about the wooden sword. Locke, proving to be the comedian of the night, says they only have one bear. HA! Jamie, unmoved says he’ll pay her ransom. Locke once again hating Jamie’s rich-guy pride says he just doesn’t care because this makes him happy. Around now is also when Brienne takes a full on nail-ridden slap to the face from the bear. I cannot communicate how much I thought she was going to die. Apparently Jamie did too because he seriously jumped into the ring with her, just him and his bloody stomp, bidding her to get behind him. Weaponless, with nothing to guard them the bear seemed to be about to eat them both when a crossbow bolt hit the bear. Money-wanting Bolton dude who is still in charge of getting Jamie to Kings Landing is trying to help no matter how much Locke disapproves. Jamie’s bends over for Brienne to use him as a stool to climb out of the arena, in which she responds with screaming at the men to hold her legs as she returned the favor lowering herself into the pit to pull him out. Of course the bear was coming down upon them at every sparing moment but it only made their escape so much sweeter.
Once they are both safe Locke still insist that “the bitch”, Brienne, must stay there but Jamie insists she is coming with him or they will have to kill him. Jamie also calls him Roose’s pet rat before saying “sorry about the sapphires” before making the best exit ever as a sick instrumental version of “rains of castamere” plays over the credits. Best credit ever = Bart the Bear.

NEXT TIME: Dany is fighting some dangerous men who fight for gold but can’t afford to lose to a girl. Stannis, in his own mind, in the savior for everyone, ever. Cersei talks about killing people. Arya is lucky it was Sandor who found her, says Sandor. I think Arya is never lucky. She also looks like she might kill him. Sexy translator might be in trouble too. Also the red woman is either REALLY kinky or Gendry is in for something bad. Sam is going to try to fight something for Gilly! Joffrey is pissed at someone who said something he didn’t want said. Annnnnd can’t wait

Editors Note: Was anyone else thinking Anchorman?

Game Of Thrones – “The Climb” Season 3 – Episode 6 A Recap – By Sagebeth

“Sink your metal deep, and make sure it holds before you take your next step, and if you fall don’t scream. You don’t want it to be the last thing she remembers.” -Giantsbane

I am so impressed with this show, and how each episode doesn’t cease to entertain me on several wonderful levels. So without further introduction follow me into a recap of “The Climb”. Let’s cry with Sansa Stark, and enjoy getting bested by Tywin Lannister. Creep into a hugely awkward conversation between Tyrion, Sansa, and Shea. Yell at Melisandre with Arya. Make another deal with Walder Frey. Fail at dinner with Jamie. Skin rabbits with Osha. Continue the never-ending tale of torture in the mysterious X room. Get schooled on making a fire by Gilly. Enjoy a good chat between snakes and say goodbye to everyone’s favorite literate Northern Whore: Ros. Rest in peace and/or with bolts in your crotch Ros. And finally cuddle close to your wildling lover after almost dying climbing a tremendous ice wall. Let’s dive in.

WHEN SAM SANG TO GILLY
Sam, Gilly, and baby wildling are stopped for the night to camp after fleeing Craster’s Keep. Sam tries to make the fire but is smothering it until Gilly corrects him and the fire hilariously begins to burn acceptably. He also goes on to show her a dagger made of dragon glass he found at the Fist of the First Men as well as telling her about Castle Black. She seems very interested that he was of high birth and from the south and had things like ‘servants’. Her world view must be blowing wide open. She of course must have realized Sam was a high-born because of his lack of pragmatic skills. Just when I thought this scene was going to get too awkward to bare, Gilly asked Sam to sing for her. I nearly blocked my ears expecting something weird and off-putting but alas Samwell is cute as hell. He can’t deny Gilly and begins to sing a soft lullaby which leaves Gilly looking utterly taken with the clumsy cowardly but cute Samwell.

WHEN MEERA AND OSHA ALMOST THREW DOWN
For once when we catch up with Bran and the useless little Rickon that isn’t during a dream. Tensions are rising between Osha and Jojen’s sister: Meera. The funny part is they essentially fight over their own styles in skinning a rabbit. Between this and when we were treated to Tywin skinning a deer back in season one I’m severally debating vegetarianism. All thoughts of the sweet venison stew Sam was talking about in the previous scene are making me gag. Bran thankfully, well mostly, defuses the rising tempers and emotions just in time for the group to watch Jojen suddenly start seizing in his sleep. I also want to share that during the fight Hodor wakes up out of a sound sleep because of the ruckus and chimes in a few good “Hodors” for good measure. Meera explains that he is getting a vision, as she makes sure a leather strap is in his mouth. This really gave me a feeling that she’s done this with her brother very often. When he wakes Jojen explains that he saw Bran’s brother Jon Snow at the wall. This isn’t surprising until Jojen says he is on the wrong side and surrounded by Wildlings. Imagine how much more shocking it would have been if Jojen had said Jon was CLIMBING said wall surrounded by enemies?

WHEN ARYA DIDN’T TRUST HER EYE
On the road with the Brotherhood Without Banners, I finally learned the name of the sick arrow guy: Anguy (figures it would just be a guy – lol). Arya apparently doesn’t think she knows how to kill people enough ways, so Anguy is giving her some lessons in using a bow and arrow. Again Arya and Cersei are linked through dialogue choices as Anguy tells Arya she is good but not as good as she thinks she is making us recall the very similar line Tywin told to Cersei recently. As Arya aims, or rather tries to figure out how to shot without aiming, spies someone approaching them from the road. It’s the gorgeous Melisandre with a small amount of Stannis’s men. This red priestess speaks to Thoros in Valyrian before he brings her into the hideout. I want to note that they greeted one another with the popular Valyrian says of “All men must serve” and “All men must die”.
Once inside she gaps in disbelief that their ever great Lord of Light has brought Beric back from the dead six times. She actually calls it impossible which is pretty telling on how awesome it is. We also get an enlightening monologue about Thoros and his faith concerning how he basically had none until watching the Mountain drive a lance through Beric’s heart and spoke the old words begging for the Lord of Light to resurrect him. This was the first time the Lord responded to Thoros proving that their god is the one true god. Beric just wants to know why she came to them. Melisandre (as I predicted) says that there is someone the Lord of Light needs within the Brotherhood who turns out to be Gendry (Baratheon bastard). Before Gendry gets into the cart with protest she assures him that he will make kings rise and fall. Is this all so Melisandre can make him ‘rise and fall’ on top of her to make a smoke monster baby? It is also shown that Beric and Thoros aren’t fully doing this for their god but for the many coins Melisandre is paying to take the boy. They leave taking him into custody but not before Arya full on yells at Melisandre for it. She calls her a witch and says she just ‘knows’ Melisandre is going to hurt Gendry. Of course this makes the scene even better as when Melisandre looks into Arya’s eyes she grabs her face and seems to literally look even further into Arya’s soul and says “I see darkness in you … brown eyes, blue eyes, green eyes — eyes you’ll shut forever. We will meet again.”. This was one of Melisandre’s strongest scenes and moments in this series so far, so I’m suddenly tons more invested in what becomes of her in the future. Who else can’t wait for these two to meet again?

WHEN THEON TOTALLY DIDN’T WIN
Back to the mysterious X room of torture and evil maniacal laughing, we get a scene that seems exclusively catered to all the viewers wondering who the hell Theon’s mysterious torturer is. I need a good name for the not-savior-mysterious-insane-torture loving dude because my nicknames are just keeps getting too long. In an act proving that he is truly a sick bastard not-savior-mysterious-torture dude decides to turn this into a game. He is going to start carving at a useless part of Theon, his pinky finger, while making Theon try to guess who he is and where their current location is. He wants to make Theon beg him to cut his finger off while Theon is forced to attempt to name his aggressor. After several guesses he lets Theon, and us think that he is a Karstark man only to turn around and admit to lying. He dives back to carving at the tip of Theon finger (AHH!) until finally Theon screams for him to just cut it the hell off. Win?
Crazy theory! Back when Theon was stuck in Winterfel surrounded by Bolton troops there was a noted “horn blower” slowly driving him insane blowing a horn all night and all day. The mysterious torturer woke up Theon by blowing a horn in his face this past episode – connection? Am I getting to crazy about this? I also want to reiterate how bad I feel for Alfie Allen (Theon). He is so lost and confused in a haze of extreme physical and mental pain and as viewers we are forced to watch helplessly.  Has he gotten enough comeuppance for his treatment of Winterfel and the young Stark children? Too much?

WHEN BLACKFISHES FIST COMPELLED EDMURES TEETH
King Robb, prisoner/mommy Catelyn, uncle Blackfish, and silly Edmure are meeting with members of the Frey family concerning Robb’s nifty new plan to take the Lannister’s castle, Casterly Rock. The Frey’s spout off Walder Frey’s demands: A formal apology from Robb concerning the whole wife fiasco. The castle of Harrenhal and all of its lands and incomes. And for Edmure Tully to marry one of his daughters. Edmure is against this entire part of the deal but is eventually convinced but everyone else there to go through with the arrangement. Hilariously Edmure also thinks this he has time to haggle for the best looking daughter but eventually relents and accepts. I want more silly Edmure scenes just to see Blackfish kick his ass without even lifting a boot.

WHEN JAMIE FAILED AT DINNER
At Harrenhal Roose Bolton is enjoying a meal with Jamie and Brienne. Okay it is not quiet as cut and dry as that: They all sit at a table, streams of early evening light waft in through the burned out holes in the walls, as Jamie (self-quote) “fails at the dinner” by trying to cut meat one handed, and Brienne sits in an enormous hilarious pink dress that we just know she hates with every fiber of her being. In a unexpected move of sweetness Brienne unthinkingly lunges across Jamie’s plate to hold his meat down with a fork letting him finally be able to cut a piece off for himself. As the scene progresses Bolton oddly says he is willing to send Jamie back to King’s Landing on the condition that he not tell his father that the Bolton men are to blame for taking his hand. Jamie sweetly assumes Brienne will accompany him but Bolton assure him that she will be staying with him to face her own treason charges. Jamie tries to talk her way out of it much like when he saved her from a gang rape but Bolton makes it clear that to Jamie that this is him overplaying his position (HAND!) and he should know what happened that last time he did that (Hand!). Gulp. What the hell is up with the Roose? His actions and motivations are slightly baffling to me.

WHEN OLENNA CALLED LORAS A SWORD SWALLOWER
In this weeks segment of Lady Olenna “Schooling Noble Bitches” we got something special – something new. One of the most effective Hand-of-the-Kings we’ve seen on this show, Tywin, is meeting with Olenna to discuss a marriage between her grandson Loras, and the current Queen regent, Cersei, his daughter. Olenna, a true Queen of Thornes, gives as good as she gets trading subtle and obvious insults concerning Cersei’s age, her child bearing, and of course her well known incestuous relationship with her brother Jamie. Tywin brings up Loras and his obvious homosexuality but this doesn’t budge Olenna so Tywin takes out his big guns: They must marry or else Tywin will take Loras into Joffrey’s Kingsguard therefore eliminating any chance of Loras marrying and continuing the Tyrell name. Olenna, smug from being bested but slightly pleased at a man finally meeting her expectations, relents and accepts the marriage proposal and consents to the match. I also want to note the exciting bit of intrigue Olenna created when she subtly hinted at Tywin most likely romping with boys at a younger age. He denies but now that she said it I will not be able to ignore it.

WHEN LORAS AND SANSA TALK PINS VERSUS BROOCHES
Thanks to both the old gods and the new, that Loras and Sansa’s marriage is going to be cancelled because this week we were treated to these two sitting in the gardens attempting some pre-marriage date in which both characters become suddenly unearthly boring (like they make Stannis look downright interesting). Sansa is attempting to get close to the man she thinks she is to wed, while Loras seems to flounder in an uneasy uncomfortable mess in her presence alone. He finally brightens when she brings up their wedding – Looks like theirs going to be two brides as he gushes about the decorations and tournaments, completely leaving Sansa out of the picture. Just as our favorite naive red head begins to looks both confused and suspicious about her fiancés inner workings Loras pays her a predictable compliment about her beauty and she once again brightens at their wedding, forgetting all troubles. This also spurs Loras to rave about the beautiful gown she will wear. Sansa is also looking forward to getting the hell out of Kings Landing which her and Loras finally find absolute common ground over: King’s Landing is a terrible place.

WHEN CERSEI AND TYRION ACTUALLY GOT ALONG
Meanwhile inside the Red Keep, Cersei and Tyrion are watching the couple from a window. Sarcastically Tyrion wonders out of the four of them which is being screwed the most: giving it to Loras and Sansa considering they are but pawns while him and Cersei are at least players but also flat out admitting to the misery that will be being married to the both of them. Cersei, not bothering to negate her awfulness says they could perhaps have both Loras and Sansa killed (haha). After more talking we get some illuminating information that Cersei knows that Tyrion saved the day during Blackwater. She openly admited to him that they would have died if it wasn’t for his Wildfire plan. Tyrion says he thinks her trying to kill him is a stupid thank you. He also continues his search for his would be assassin directly asking Cersei again if she tried to have him killed during the Battle of Blackwater. Cersei, looking utterly tired of fighting with him, keeps quiet. Tyrion, being a smartie, puts two and two together quickly: While Cersei had the power to make such a command she is not nearly stupid enough to have a man do such a task so publicly in front of other soldiers and knights so therefore the culprit had to have been that damned King Joffrey. He perhaps should have put this together earlier considering he is one of the only people to have EVER stood up against him. Hell we have seen Tyrion full on slap Joffrey TWICE on this show. Don’t you wish you could do that? Anyway, Cersei lets Tyrion know that he should be safe now because their father is there. My question is: Does Joffrey hold the same reverence/fear for the man? Anyway, Cersei goes on to lament losing Joffrey to the whore Margeary which she views as literally losing control of history. The scene ends as Cersei wonders who will tell Sansa about her new nuptials. At first I thought this was sympathy or pity but Cersei most likely just wants to go back to one of her favorite games: Rip Sansa apart mentally physically and emotionally.

WHEN TYRION LET SHIT GET AWKWARD
Around now is  when Tyrion took his sisters lovely transition line and made the scene work. After nearly walking in on Sansa half naked he asks for a word – a private word. Sansa doesn’t send Shea away because of her childish trust in her. Shea, initially tickled, must have been curious as hell as to what her ‘true love’ could possible want with the beautiful noble Lady Sansa. Tyrion goes on to give a carefully coded apology to Shea for finding out the news this way. Then the scene cuts away just as Tyrion admits to the utter awkwardness that it is dripping in. Initially I was mad that we didn’t get to see this large piece of plot action happen on screen but the subtle nature of this episode can forgive it as this episode kept most of it juicy bits behind the scenes, and left to the imaginations. Therefore I find the intrigue and genuine hilarity in watching Tyrion get more and more weird trying to figure out how exactly to tell his lover and Sansa about their upcoming nuptials. Also perhaps we doesn’t want to see Sansa Stark get her hopes and dreams brained against a wall, as she starts to weep at the prospect of sleeping with  our favorite character Tyrion. We do actually catch her weeping later on in the episode as she watches Littlefinger’s ship set sail without her. Normally I would feel badly for Sansa but girl got wicked dumb again this week. Anyone else catch her asking Shea if her family would be allowed to her wedding? Why on earth do you think that would be okay?

WHEN VARYS AND LITTLEFINGER TALK SHOP
Varys and Littlefinger, two of the more clever men on the show, spend some time in the throne room discussing the Iron Throne and the propaganda that surrounds their history and creates the pageantry and majesty that is Kings and Queens. Their conversation is more testy than usual concerning that Littlefinger knows about Varys breaking up his little plan to spirit away Sansa Stark to probably wed her. Varys insists his actions concern protecting the realm. Awesomely Littlefinger spouts that the “realm” is essentially a lie made up by Aegon the Conqueror. I love this because there is no “right” and “wrong” answer. Both men are so right and so wrong. Unfortunately Littlefinger, ever the villain, points out that he found out about Varys little arrangement with one of his whores: Ros. Another piece of action that happened off-screen we are treated to King Joffrey and his trusty crossbow eyeing a bolt-riddled corpse of Ros hanging from the post of his bed.  He darkly explains that he has given her to a “friend” who is eager to try a new “experience”.  Unlike other characters though, Littlefinger completely revels in the chaos he creates, likening the chaos to a ladder to climbed rather than a pit to be lost in. His whole promo-magic-monologue turned this episode from pretty great to awesomely splendid.

WHEN YGRITTE WASN’T AS DUMB AS GIRLS IN SILK DRESSES
After getting a load of allegory and allusions of climbing through the episode we finally get the real meat of an actual climb. Jon Snow and Ygritte are getting cuter as they prepare to climb the huge wall. They also get closer as Ygritte admits that especially after bedding him she knows his true nature and he is not the turncoat he is pretending to be. She knows he secret. She knows he is too loyal to not be to the Nights Watch but she tells him that has to stop now. The best part is she doesn’t want him to throw in his lot with Mance but rather with her. She wants him to be exclusively loyal to her – his “woman“. She awesomely breaks down the fantasy that they are more than little toy soldiers in a war that truly doesn’t matter to them. She makes it known that they should care exclusively for each other and if he doesn’t hold such a loyalty to her much like he is pretending to for Mance she will “cut his pretty cock off’ and wear it around her neck. I didn’t know Ygritte made jewelry! She could start a totally creative Etsy line.
During the actual climb one of Ygritte’s strikes at the wall causes a crack to slice across the side of the wall causing a crazy avalanche of ice taking most of the party out with it. Ygritte and Jon live but only by hanging from a rope from the surviving wildings, Orwell and Giantsbane. Orwell, the annoying warg, thinks they are going pull him off so he cuts the ropes between him and them therefore killing them. Fortunately Jon managed to get a hold of the ice right before he almost plummeted to the ground, keeping Ygritte safe as well. They eventually make it to the top of the wall together where they lay exhausted staring into the sky. Jon sees a bird circling (Orwell? Jojen? Bran?) overhead but soon draws his attention to Ygritte and then to their beautiful surroundings. They both stand as they stare off both sides of wall, leading to one of the more completely buyable romances on this show. They embraces and kiss as the beauty paints a picture around them.

NEXT TIME: Brienne is in some sort of deep shit involving a cage or circular pit of horror. Arya’s favorite god is Death and she wishes the Lannister’s will kill everybody. Dany wants blood and will get it. Theon is tortured… more. And Gendry swears he is just a bastard.
And I’m Pyat Preeurple Lips.

Game Of Thrones – “Kissed By Fire” Season 3 – Episode 5 A Recap – By Sagebeth

This week we watch the Hound be judged by a god, sneak in a bath with Jamie, Brienne, Jon, and Ygritte, Robb start losing his little war, and watch how Tywin solves family problems.  Following last weeks gem of an episode is difficult but this season has yet to let up on the gas pedal as episode five is just as lovely, slightly slow at times, but utterly fun to behold at the end of the day. Lets get to the good stuff:

WHEN BERIC GOT A LIGHTSABER
“Lord, cast your light upon us”, Thoros of Myr begins this episode as we pick up where we left off last week with Beric entering a trial by combat with Sandor, the Hound. Beric problem thought he wasn’t coming off as balling as he is so he rubbed some blood on his sword and it freaking lit on fire. Turns out Beric’s really tight with the Lord of Light, as well as Thoros who is more of the priest of the bunch hence the medieval light saber play.  Thoros asks the Lord of light to be the judge of the Hounds guilt and the dueling begins. Less dueling and more of the battle considering the fierceness with which they fight. The Hound is fighting back but he is terrified of the flaming sword, as well as all fire, considering his horrible run with an open flame as a young boy (The Mountain just flat out stuffed his face in the fire – what a nice brother).  Can I just add it will never get old watching the Hound cower in the face of fire? I will never get sick of his amazing reactions to open flame.
The fight, much like Bronn’s trial by combat in season one, really felt blasted in realism as the fighting spilled into the crowd as the witness try to dodge the violence – including Arya. The Brotherhood begin to chant “Guilty” as if trying to convince their Lord of Light to physically punish him itself. Beric knocks the Hound down and Arya, the little bloodthirsty sociopath screeches for Beric to kill him but alas nothing ever goes Arya’s way and the Hound manages stab Beric through the chest/shoulder area delivering a killing blow, earning his freedom. Arya, in a state of disbelief grabs a small knife and tries to charge at the Hound herself to kill him. She is held back as she tells him adamantly to burn in hell. Poor Arya has been on the run, and essentially alone with her vengeful dreams for so long girl completely loses it – I think it is less anger at the Hound and more at him being on her deathlist of names. The Hound doesn’t help, sharing that their Lord must surely like him better than the poor butchers boy back in season one. While Arya flips out Thoros rushes to the nearly dead Beric, mutters some prayer to their Lord of Light and BOOM Beric stands up like he didn’t just have a gaping mortal wound, alive.
Later in the episode we cut to Thoros letting the Hound know that they are taking his gold but will totally pay it back when the war is over. Haha. He calls them thieves. They sort of admit it. Arya yells more about him being guilty but Beric tells her and us once again that he isn’t and that the Lord of Light isn’t done with him yet. They bag his head again and lead him off into what destiny awaits him.
Gendry, much like Hot Pie, also has some news for Arya. He is going to stay on and work for the Brotherhood, leaving her. She’s shocked but he explains that he is extremely done with serving men and he never had a family so their little family is perfect. Heartbreakingly Arya says she could be his family but he denies her saying that she wouldn’t be family but “milady”. Cute and sad. If they weren’t 47 years apart I’d root for a romance.

Later that night by the fire Arya proves that she will be forever haunted by her fathers death, and her quest to kill his wrongdoers as she continues her nightly deathlist (saying the names of those who she sees responsible for her fathers death). She then goes on to have a conversation with both Thoros and Beric. She finds out that she is being returned to her brother at River run – for a price. No matter how annoyed this makes her I still think she should realizes that her situation could be so much worse. Thoros admits that Beric likes her father so much he wanted to waive the ransom but it is war time and they need the money. We also learn that Beric has “died” six times including that last stint with the Hound and his red priest, Thoros as brought him back each time. Thoros insists it the Lord of Light that brings him back and hes just the lucky drunk who says the words. Beric admits each time he comes back from the brink hes “a bit less”. Arya goes on to ask if they could bring her father back – aww sad. Its easy to forget at the end of the day Arya is a little girl. A sad little girl.

WHEN JON GOT SOME
Giantsbane, and the annoying warg, Orwell, are grilling Jon Snow about the Nights Watch defenses because they are supposed to be scaling the wall and attacking Castle Black from the other direction. There is a whooping 19 castles guarding the wall but it turns out only three are actually manned. Jon reluctantly shares this information but I’m also fairly positive he is a lying liar who lies because he claimed Castle Black has at least 1000 men still arming it which sounds so horribly over the top. I picture the old Targaryen maester dude just sitting there hanging out with his ravens, being blind and alone. The Wildlings also warn Jon here again that if he is lying they are totally going to kill him in a creative gruesome way.
Cue Ygritte not being able to not torture/flirt with Jon Snow. She rips his sword off him, which looks scary easy, and proceeds to teasingly run away leading him to a gorgeous natural wonder: a cave self-heated with hot springs and a waterfall. Are there many of these beyond the wall? Already seems better than regular Stark northern territories. Anyway back to Ygritte because this lady starts undressing while explaining that she needs to be sure Jon has completely broken his Nights Watch vows and therefore he needs to break his celibacy rule with her right now. Now completely nude she approaches Jon and he is hesitant to break his vow and nervous as hell considering he is a virgin but there seems to be a wall breaking. Ygritte questions why the hell he is still dressed and they get to kissing. He kisses down her body as Ygritte spouts out “You know nothing, Jon Snow” but her sentence stops at the end as Jon begins kissing her lower and lower proving that maybe he knows a little bit of something.

Afterward while the two lie naked bathing in their sweet aftermath I’m struck deaf blind and dumb by seeing something we have never seen in this show: JON SNOW IS SMILING. Ygritte questions him concerning his going down on her, is that something Lords do with their Ladies in the South? I think this girl was debating a side change purely based on oral sex. Jon admits that he just wanted to kiss her there and she seems to like it. Ha. Jon also admits he was “a maid” before her. This leads to Ygritte remembering some of the boys she’s gotten down and dirty with before him. This of course whips the beautiful smile off his face but makes me giggle. Ygritte also namedropped this episodes title referring to her first sexual partner as having red hair like her, or “kissed by fire” as the wildlings call it. This is apparently a lucky trait to get and an affectionate term for her. Jon thinks they should get back but Ygritte is down with him yet. She then asks when was the last time he had a bath (I loved the bathing development this episode. Everyone on this show is so dirty they barely look like they did seasons ago)They end up taking a sexy bath in the hot springs,  and Ygritte shares that shed rather never leave and go back to the wars, monsters, and all around horribleness outside of their little sex den. I’d rather you both stay clean and sexy too.

WHEN QYBURN GOT TOO BOLD
Brienne and Jamie are brought to Harrenhal which is housing Roose Bolton, one of Robb’s bannermen. This entire scene left me baffled however concerning Bolton’s behavior. He is extremely civil, asking Locke to literally pick up the man he’s been beating for miles. He also is a taken it back when he notices that Jamie has had his hand taken from him. Angered at Locke bad treatment of a prisoner, an important prisoner at that, he orders they depose of Jamie’s rotting hand and send both Jamie and Brienne off to be found accommodations.  But, further confusing me, Roose also cruelly lets Jamie think for a moment that Cersei is dead.
He also has Qyburn treat Jamie’s injury. Qyburn was the poor soul left for dead in Harrenhal when Robb first showed up there this season. While attending to Jamie Qyburn finds that the stub is horrendously infected and Jamie asks of his fate. He will not die but it would be safest to take off his whole arm. Delirious from pain and infection Jamie refuses. This is also about the time that Jamie figured out that Qyburn is missing a notable chain showing that he is a Maester – this is because Qyburn is not a Maester because he strips of it for conducting experiments that were too bold. Starting to think Jamie passing on the milk of the poppy was a good thing – Who knows what craziness he’d find upon waking. Qyburn relents saying he can try to cut out the pieces of rotting flesh and burning out the wound with boiling wine. Jamie prepares to scream loudly.
Later on Brienne is busy in the bath trying to scrub the grim off her body from her travels. It’s strange to suddenly see her so clean. Jamie joins her, looking even weaker than he did before. Brienne  initially is only slightly nervous of him but when he fully stripes down and starts walking past an empty bath to join her in hers. She panics. He reflexively starts teasing and making fun of her again until after an ill-timed Renly remark Brienne snaps and stands fully up in the bath, naked, forgetting her shyness. This actually jars Jamie a bit, and for probably the first time in his life he apologizes. Brienne even takes a few moments to realize he isn’t kidding. He’s just so tired from all the fighting. This launches Jamie into the story of when he killed the mad King which was much more supportive of Jamie than any other way we’ve heard it. Mad King Aery’s apparently had secret caches of Wildfire hidden all around the city and when the Lannister forces turned on them at the end of the war he wanted to use said Wildfire to take everyone out with him. Jamie also shared that the king ignored his advice to surrender, and when Tywin started to sack Kings Landing the Mad King ordered Jamie to go kill his father. Of course Jamie made the correct decision to screw that plan, kill the wildfire wielding pyromancers and stab Aery’s in the back. Brienne, and me, question why he didn’t tell Ned Stark that very story when he caught him in King’s Landing and it was because Jamie is still a proud lion at the end of the day and what lion lets a wolf judge him. Brienne watches this entire tale as riveted as we are and catches Jamie when he starts to faint toward the end of his tale. She screams for someone to come help with the Kingslayer and Jamie sweetly tells her to call him Jamie.

WHEN PODRICK WENT TO VOLANTIS FOR FIGS
In Kings Landing, Cersei is further inquiring into House Tyrell’s motives and plans and recruits Littlefinger to help her find something substantial to show her father before Littlefinger is set to leave the capital. In another room Olenna and Tyrion are sharing the screen. Awesomely Olenna is tearing Podrick apart, I’d love to hear her question his sexual conquest. She finally demands figs for her bowel movements (Ha.) and we really dive more into both characters motives for the scene. Tyrion, probably paranoid about his new job, is coming to Olenna to help pay for the ridiculous royal wedding. Olenna in response literally turns her tongue into a hammer and begins beating the poor man into the ground picking apart his arguments and motives. Then she does a complete 180 saying they’ll flip half the bill for the wedding anyway, shocking him. This was Olenna’s way of making it clear that this is a voluntary action and not an obligation. She also smacks him down more for not living up to his exciting drunken debaucherous reputation. I’d love to see these two share a scene with Tyrion also on his game in the future.

In the gardens Margeary and Sansa are watching Ser Loras practice his sword fighting and Sansa is legit getting all hot and bothered. She asks Margeary “Do you have any idea when we might…?” leaving the audience to imagine the array of things Sansa is asking here. Margeary, ever the player, continues the innuendo saying she’ll “plant the seed” once she becomes Queen. Loras is busy flirting with a pretty boy squire to pay attention to much else which leads to some heavy guy on guy action between this new pretty boy and Loras. Loras wants to know how the guy knew about him being totally into guys. Jokes on Loras (and the Tyrell’s) as new pretty boy was actually sent to spy on Loras by Littlefinger. Making matters worse he gets some precious information out of Loras: his engagement to Sansa.
This leads to lie-ridden meeting between Littlefinger and Sansa concerning the possibility of him spiriting her away. My favorite little bit of this scene is that since earlier Sansa has changed her hair style to match Margeary’s which was subtle enough but was only made better when Littlefinger bluntly points it out. Sansa side steps saying many ladies where their hair that way. As for leaving with him, she lies and pretends she wants to stay in Kings Landing for his (Peters) safety. Littlefinger pretends to be completely fine with everything even though you know he’s extremely annoyed at the girl.

WHEN ROBB IS CURSED
In Riverrun, we arrive just as confused and scared as the young Lannister boys, Martyn and Willem as they awaken to a loud commotion outside their prison cell door. It is effectively disturbing to think about as we watch one of Robb’s bannermen, Lord Karstark, fights his way into the room with a few of his men. Willem, just as baffled as us, asks if this is a rescue. Karstark answers him by brutally murdering both young boys. Martyn pleads until the end that he is just a squire. Cue the next silent scene as Robb and his family look down at the murdered boys. Robb, rightfully disgusted mentions that Karstark needed five men to cold-blooded murder two defenseless unarmed squires in their prison cell. Karstark calls it a fathers vengeance but I see that only working if he had killed the man responsible for his heartache: Jamie and not two pointless relatives. Karstark blames Catelyn. Robb doesn’t see how he can even though Catelyn did let Jamie go free all those months ago. Robb still cries treason and Karstark says the only treason is letting their enemies go and not killing them, if Ned ever taught him that. Blackfish chimes in slamming his fist into Karstark’s face. Robb calls him off and Karstark explains that he fully lost faith his their King of the North even poking fun at the name saying perhaps now he should be known as the King who Lost the North after losing Winterfel. Robb orders all the men to be hanged and when one of them complains that he was just the lookout he orders him to be hung last so he has to watch the others die much like he watched this entire treason episode. Karstark himself is sent to the dungeon.

Robb’s uncle Edmure steps up to point out that obvious: Tywin cannot find out about this. He proposes that they quietly bury the boys and not speak of it until after the war is over. This whole plot is feeling very real life historical fun relating to the unsolved case of the Princes in the Tower of London. Robb, however, is infected with the same notions as his father Ned. One of these most intense notion is of honor so Robb can’t lie like that. He cant fight a war for justice when there is not justice in his ranks. Absolutely all of his advisers tell him it is a bad idea. Catelyn and Talisa insist that they will loose the Karstark troops if he supplies justice for the dead boys and they are already severally outnumbered. Catelyn votes to keep Karstark hostage so his troops stay. Edmure agrees. Robb ignores them all and orders Karstark be brought out to the courtyard to be executed during a fierce rainstorm.
Karstark, on his knees now, explains how both Starks and Karstarks have the blood of the First Men in them and that House Karstark is literally kin to the Starks (a cadet branch founded by a Stark younger son in the past). Robb entertains that the fact that being related by blood will not stop him from killing Karstark much as it didn’t stop Karstark from betraying Robb. Karstark regains the upper hand as he tells Robb he doesn’t want him to change his mind – He wants that little fact to haunt Robb for the rest of his life. With his last words Karstarks says Robb will be cursed for kin slaying and that Robb is no king of his. Robb ever obedient to everything his father ever taught him, knows the man who passes the sentence must swing the sword, and takes off Karstarks head himself. Couldn’t have been worse for Karstark – imagine Theon taking his head off. Robb walks away, fists clenched, absolutely furious.
Later on, we find out how right everyone was about the Karstarks leaving Robb. He doesn’t have any clue how to proceed from here. Talisa thinks he should try to find a new purpose for his army. Robb asks how and funnily Talisa wants to help more but she doesn’t even know where the hell Winterfel is even located on a map. Hilariously Robb sweet begins to gives her a quick Westrosi map lesson when suddenly he is struck by an idea. He cant force them to fight him, and he cant attack them where they are strongest: Casterly Rock. He wants to take the Lannister’s personal home. One problem is that he needs more man to do so and there is only one Lord he knows of who may give him the men he needs: Walter Frey. This is the same man who asked Robb to marry his daughter in order to cross a bridge last year. The same man he scorned in order to marry his ‘true love’ Talisa. Her face is sort of priceless.

WHEN DEAD BABIES WERE IN JARS
In Dragonstone we finally meet Stannis’s sad looking family. These bits are the most boring but I’m still very interested in how these characters turn out. It opens on a close up on his wife, Selyse’s, face which is pretty haggard for this show. A surprise is that she seems even more devoted to the Lord of Light than Stannis. I also want to note that in Melisandre’s absence Stannis looking much more boring and sullen again. He visits his wife, perhaps missing company and of course makes the entire encounter about him by telling her about his infidelity with the Red Woman, effectively dumping his guilt on her. Another surprise here is that she is cool with it. Melisandre already told her EVERYTHING and she’s convinced it is something the Lord of Light wanted. We also figure out that Selyse is so broken because of her guilt at not giving Stannis a living son. Cue the creepy jars of dead baby boys! Seriously this lady is keeping her dead babies around much like the Governor on the Walking Dead kept his heads in jars.
Next on Stannis’s list is visiting his young daughter in her dingy cell named Shireen. It’s a little confusing but it seems that Stannis hasn’t seen his daughter in a long time. This is most likely because of her being born with a vagina – or perhaps her deformity. Shireen is covered in something called Grayscale which is dead dried skin which looks like scales coverings parts of her (reminds me of leprosy). She’s asks about his battle at Blackwater and inquires about Ser Davos who is turns out was one of her besties. She shows Stannis a gift Davos made for her before they left for the battle. Stannis, ever the dickhead, nips the kind moment in the bud and tells his daughter that Davos is a traitor and in the dungeon rotting away. Very nice Stannis you mind as well tell her she looks ugly today too.

Of course this little girl is cute as hell – even with her greyscale as well as courageous because she decides to go visit her friend, the Onion knight, in his prison cell. She adorably gets his attention and his quick reaction of “Princess?!” was equally as cute. He keeps insisting she get back to room, so she wont get in trouble, but she just needs to know how he is. Is he really a traitor? He says yes probably hoping she’ll leave but of course our cutest new little lizard girl doesn’t care because Davos is her ‘friend’. She goes on to show him a book she brought him to read in his prison cell about Aegon Targaryen the Conqueror. Davos denies his fine gift by explaining that it is wasted on him because he’s illiterate. She insists on teaching him though instead of just walking away like he wants her too. Aww. She awesomely asks what he thinks they’ll do if they find them doing some evil book reading – lock them in cells? This makes both Davos and me giggle because it seems to live with Stannis everyone essentially lives in a cell and even the little thing knows that – hence her room being very cell-like as well. Davos, his resolve breaking by cuteness, says he doesn’t know where to begin and sweet little lizard girl says the beginning and begins explaining the words to him. As she speaks about the great Aegon and his conquest to Westros we transition to our favorite new little warlord.

WHEN JORAH AND BARRISTAN HAVE AN OLD MAN SLAP-FIGHT
Catching up with Dany, we see her riding with her army (as they head to more slaver cities I think) while a conversation between Jorah and Barristan is highlighted. Both older men are discussing the Greyjoy Rebellion that they both fought in. We learn that during a siege on Pyke Jorah followed Thoros of Myr and his flaming sword into the fight, being the second man through the gate. This was the bravery Jorah was knighted for in the past before he brought shame to his house and family by selling slaves. It is made more funny however as Jorah explains that during the entire knighting ceremony all he could think about was how much he had to piss. Ha. Moving on Barristan explains the problem with King Robert – He was a good man and good warrior but a terrible King. This moves him to lament his career of protecting Kings who didn’t deserve it: Robert and Aery’s. Unlike Jamie, Barristan views his own honor much more highly hence him not wanting to break his vow. Barristan just hopes for one day before he dies he could know what its like to serve with pride and actually fight for someone he believes in.
Naturally this discussion turned to Daenerys, and Jorah lets him know that he can surely believe in her. Also noted that it seems like Jorah is falling more and more in love with this girl as she seems to be pushing him further and further behind her. Barristan brings up the delicate matter here of a public relations. Dany being seen with Jorah could injure her because of his bad reputation of selling slaves in Westros – where is abhorred. Jorah admits he may never drop this rep but this leads to something much more interesting: Jorah subtly inquiring about the small council. This is Jorah’s way of trying to figure out if his big secret is revealed: That he was a spy for King Robert back in season one before switching fully to Team Targaryen.
Meanwhile Dany and her hottie translator are meeting with some higher-ups in the Unsullied army. Speaking in their language she waxes poetic about no longer being slaves and the need for them to choose a leader in their army. They part ways and we meet one of the Unsullied finally. He removes his helmet and says his name is Grey Worm. Uhhh hottie translator explains that this was a name given to him after he had his ‘root and stem’ cut off. It is a name meant to demean him and constantly remind him that he is vermin. Now fully disgusted Dany tells them they must choice new names or retake their old ones but this Grey Worm goes on to warm this Dragon Mothers heart. He shares that he will keep his name of Grey Worm because his original name is cursed because it was his name was he was taken into slavery. Grey Worm however is a lucky name that fills his pride because it was his name when Daenerys Targaryen saved him from his fate. Dany is very touched by his loyalty. I wonder if she is also mourning his man parts, considering his cute face.

WHEN TYWIN ACTUALLY SAID ‘WED HER, BED HER, PUT A CHILD IN HER’
As the episode draws to a close we step back into Kings Landing to sit in on a family meeting: Tywin, Cersei and Tyrion. Naturally Tywin is extremely unimpressed with how Tyrion has been fairing with the marriage plans and the money that concerns it and explains that there is something more important to discuss. This whole time Cersei is staring at him with such a look on her face that I cant help but giggle. Tywin explains the Tyrell plot to marry Sansa to Loras, and therefore stealing the North. Tywin refuses to hand Sansa over though so his solution is to find Sansa Stark a different husband… Tyrion. Silence booms as Tyrion flashes through all the horrible things his family has done to Sansa. First Joffrey, and now this, even Tyrion sees this as a very cruel thing to do to Sansa. She’s also a child but Cersei awesomely lets him know that she has “flowered”.  Tywin makes it known that this is the solution they all need, and what he wants so there is no other options. Cersei loving this entire meeting gets her hopes dashed as Tywin lets her know that her brother will do as he is bid… and so will she. Gulp. Cersei completely blindsided gets told she will marry Ser Loras. She wants to fight it but its impossible even with her begging. He also wants the “ugly rumors” about her to go away. As Tywin leaves his children to wallow in pity, the siblings share a quick look that made me wish I could mind read.

-Sagebeth

Bonus pic….

….get outta my good show!…ah I can’t stay mad at Norman Reedus….get over here you rascal!

Game of Thrones – “And Now His Watch is Ended” Season 3 – Episode 4 A Recap – By Sagebeth

Game of Thrones – “And Now His Watch is Ended”
Season 3 – Episode 4
A Recap – By Sagebeth
“Influence grows like a weed” -Varys

Who didn’t love this episode? Full of dragon fire, revenge monologues, and Bran falling this episode brought us further into the newest season of Game of Thrones. We lose a major player (whose watch has ended), check out Jamie’s new necklace, get to hear Varys origin story, as well as watch King Joffrey geek out over blood and violence. Really what else could we ask for? Lets jump right into the recap:

THAT TIME JAMIE GOT A BRAND NEW NECKLACE
With his sword hand hung around his neck like a clunky new necklace, Jamie is looking the worst we’ve ever seen him. I can only imagine the horror of smelling ones own hand decaying right under ones own nose. Locke and his men also seem to get off on torturing someone who is utterly incapable of fighting back, teasing that they’ll stick his own fingers from his now dead hand up his ass. Then they debate if Cersei has warmed him up for something like that. I personally find it funny that they think Jamie is the bottom of that relationship but back to the gruesome life that is Jamie Lannister.
Jamie, nearly unconscious, falls off his horse into some mud. Brienne tries to warn his captors, as if they are going to rush to catch him. Of course they let him fall off. He begs for water. One of the men acts like he is going to give him some but he just dumps it over Jamie’s head. Locke, moves forward now like he is going to give Jamie some water but after watching Jamie guzzle down nearly all of it he lets everyone know that it is not water but actually horse urine. Jamie pukes. Locke kicks him a bunch until Jamie does the unthinkable. He steals one of their swords and comes to depressing realization that he can’t even begin to fight with his one working hand. So instead of continuing his half-hearted fighting, Jamie seems to stick to taunting the men probably in hopes they will accidentally kill him, leaving him with a shred of dignity from dying with a sword in his hand. Finally he succumbs to exhaustion, and Locke leaves him with a warning of taking his other hand if he tries that again.

THAT TIME VARYS ACTUALLY SAID ROOT AND STEM MEANING HIS JUNK
Tyrion is meeting with Varys concerning his almost death last year but something even more exciting is going on. Varys is slowly opening a wooden crate throughout the conversation constantly sparking my inner voice to scream “WHATS IN THE BOX!?” several times. While Varys slowing opens his crate, Tyrion gets to his point of meeting him. He wants Varys to help him get evidence on his sister being in charge of his murder plot last season (Blackwater Bay) and he wants to know this fact with more clarity so he can get his own revenging on in comfort. Varys however has no answers only sharing that his sister is blamed through whispers only and he has no idea who actually made the call at the end of the day. While still working on his wooden crate Varys uses this time to continue a story he started on the eve of the Battle of Blackwater Bay. This is the story of how Varys “was cut” or castrated.
Way back when, Varys used to be a slave in a traveling group of actors that went through the free cities. However in Myr he was sold to a sorcerer. Fearing a horrible rape, or however way an older man used a young man Varys is flabbergasted by what actually happens. The sorcerer gives Varys a full body paralyzing potion which left him utterly immobile but very much aware and able to experience pain. He tells how the man cut off Varys testicles (“Root and stem”), as some sort of sacrifice to some sort of god, burning his genitals in a brazier of fire (Lord of Light??). Out of this whole ordeal none of this is what frightens Varys to this day. Not the knife, the man, or the pain but apparently he still has nightmares about a mysterious voice he heard from the fire right after the offering of his genitals. Varys doesn’t know what the voice was or what else happened because around now is when he was thrown out into the streets to die. But this isn’t Varys swan song this is his origin story so all this action did was set Varys on a slow path to power in order to get his revenge. Varys did whatever he could to claw his way up the ladder of ambition and power. He begged. He stole. He sold himself sexually. Increasingly now he began figuring out the stealing men’s secrets was the most profitable of his ventures. This was how a poor slave in Myr worked his way up into the Kings Landing Small Council. This is also why Varys is so anti-magic, hence his immediate dislike of Stannis and his red priestess. After Varys wraps up his tale he finally gets the last part of the crate cover open to reveal: The old sorcerer with his mouth sewn shut. Still alive and seemingly shipped to Varys while eternally gagged the man looks horrible as Varys looks positively glowing with a blood thirst. This is Varys example to Tyrion that waiting to exact his revenge is all he needs to do. He urges him to be patient and let his revenge come to him in time. Then with this he closes the lid on his revenge conquest letting us imagine what lays in store for the man. I love when these two share monologue scene. It screams Emmy.

THAT TIME THEY SHOVLED SHIT – AGAIN
Grenn and Edd, Sam’s-sort-of friends are back to their favorite pastime: shoveling pig shit.  Rast, the horrible rat looking man who has been torturing Sam, tells them they should definitely not trust Craster, the same man who sacrifices his newborn male babies to the White Walkers. In Rast’s only smart opinion, what would stop Craster from sacrificing them to his true masters (white walkers)? Grenn and Edd do not want to discuss it because hell their lives are depressing enough right now. A telling bit for me though was Grenn and Edd’s love for the Lord Commander. They always respected him but it seems in Jon Snows absence they like their leader even more – Rast just thinks they think he will save them. If they want to live Rast thinks they will have to look out for themselves.
Samwell visits Gilly again now as she holds her newborn son in her arms. Hilariously after waking the sleeping newborn up, Sam basically asks how the boy is doing and Gilly jumps down his throat for saying “he” when no one should know that it’s a boy. Sam is such a spaz – it’s so cute. He asks if she’s named him – Gilly, probably agonized, definitely hasn’t considering he is most likely going to be a sacrifice to a White Walker soon. She gives Sam back his cutesy thimble he gave her last season saying she no longer cares of such “stupid” things and she is only concerned with her babies life. Can Sam help with that? She doesn’t have time for anyone but the baby and the baby certainly doesn’t have much time right now.

THAT TIME BRAN CLIMBED AND FELL – AGAIN
Bran is back in his mysterious dream-woods chasing the three-eyed raven. Jojen appears out of no where telling him he must go after “him” – the raven. Bran starts climbing the tree – like the pro he is. Once he’s up on the high branch the raven is on Bran begins walking slowly out to it but before he gets very far (ridiculously) Catelyn, his mother comes out from behind the tree trunk all “Brandon what did I tell you? NO MORE CLIMBING” and she continues screaming like a lunatic shaking Bran until he finally falls backward off the branch mirroring his paralyzing fall in the first episode. He wakes up meeting Jojen’s eyes who looks less then pleased with this development. I guess we’ll have to wait and see in future episodes.

THAT TIME VARYS AND ROS TALKED ABOUT PODRICKS SEXUAL PROWESS
Varys also visits Ros who has been secretly spying on Littlefinger for him since he approached her last season. They also continue the whole “Podrick is a sexual-god” theme from last week. Varys, is rightly, curious as to what the hell Podrick might have done to the whores. Ros clues us in that isn’t some Dirk Diggler-huge-wang thing but much more of “how” he used it. When Ros repeatedly asked the whores to tell her exactly what he did they said it was “hard to describe”.  She then reports on Littlefinger’s obvious interest in Sansa. Ros think he is obsessed with the girl and wishes to sneak her out of the city when he leaves to go marry his breastfeeding crazy lady wife at The Vale. She thinks this because she stole his ships manifesto and apparently Littlefinger has ordered a second comfy bed for someone other than himself to sleep on. Varys is also impressed that Ros knows how to read and he also knows Littlefinger wouldn’t order a second feather bed for much of anyone other than himself and Sansa.

THAT TIME MARGAERY CONVINCED JOFFREY THAT TOMBS WERE REALLY SEXY
The newest little royal couple of touring what I found out is entitled: The Great Sept of Baelor. On these front steps was where Ned Stark was beheaded for treason back in season one. But now we are indoors marveling at the religious and gorgeous work put into this building. This is also where the royal wedding will be held, hence the tour. Joffrey gushes about the darkest bloodiest memories of the building like an excited child. I mean to say this every week but I applaud this actor for every subtle move he makes. It is breathtaking to watch him get overly excited about a man having his dragon kill his sister while her son watched. Margaery listens feigning an intense interest while Cersei looks on terribly annoyed from behind. Olenna Tyrell is also following the couple, having a telling conversation with Cersei. Olenna asks about Roberts remains, are they at the Great Sept with the rest of the great Targaryen kings? No Robert left instruction to return his body to his original home at Storms End. Olenna muses on the shortcomings of the men in their lives and hilariously Cersei doesn’t take the bait spouting some heinous line about them owning/ruling the world. However this gendered conversation leaves Cersei distracted enough to miss Margaery convincing Joffrey to go outside and see their people. The large crowd, entirely placated by Margaery’s charity work cheers for the young couple. Actually I think they are largely cheering for her but Joffrey is too blinded by people actually celebrating him to notice. Cersei rushes to stop them but too late watches as they wave to the people. Crushed Cersei seems to officially lost Joffrey. Margaery takes home another win and Joffrey falls deeper into a net.

THAT TIME THEONS PLOT SOMEHOW GOT MORE CONFUSING BUT BETTER
Theon and his unnamed savior are moving through the forest trying to seemingly travel to Theon’s sister. The savior spouts a sad tale of watching Theon initially get sent away from the Iron Islands back when they were children. We also learn that the men who were torturing Theon informed him that his father knew exactly what they were doing to him. We also get some inner feelings from Theon as he finally voices his jealousy of his sister and his feelings about his father. He claims he could never be a Stark because he was born to be an iron born BUT cue the sad realization music. He paid the iron price for Winterfel. He also murdered those boys – his savior creepily asks if he means the Stark boys – No. Just some poor orphans that Theon used to get what he wanted, Winterfel. My heart breaks as Theon literally realizes all he gave up simply because he thought he couldn’t be a Stark. Theon calls Ned Stark his real father and admits to making an extreme wrong choice. And now he has burned his hopes and dreams to the ground, much like Winterfel. His savior notes that he hasn’t lost everything yet and beckons him into a room saying his sister is close HOWEVER as soon as the FAKEASS savior lights a torch we see he has led Theon on a crazy roundabout journey right back to his torture wheel. He shouts to the others that he brought Theon back but he killed the others. They beat Theon down as the FAKEASS savior smiles in a sickening way. Now what the hell kind of psychological torment was that?!
Some let me try to straighten this out: Theon is being held by some dudes who are or appear to be iron islanders with a unknown allegiance. Strange fake-savior seems entirely not related to them as he killed a whole group just to convince Theon he was safe with him but in actuality seemed only interested in information. Ugh What next Theon?!

THAT TIME BRIENNE CALLED JAMIE A BLOODY WOMAN
Later on the evening Jamie and Brienne are tied up by a campfire. Jamie refuses to eat because he is just so ready to die. Brienne, suddenly feeling much closer to this douche bag, starts trying to manipulate him into eating by telling him he needs to live to dole out some revenge. Jamie lets her know that is isn’t that easy anymore. The hand currently hanging around his neck was his entire identity and now it is gone. Brienne also reminds us of him saving her the day before from a horrible gang rape – mentioning that her home definitely doesn’t have sapphires much the less a huge wealth of them to pay for her “honor” as he told Locke and the men earlier. She is utterly baffled by his action (so am I a bit) and lets him know about her confusion. Why did he help her? Why did he save her? No answer. Probably because he barely knows why he did it. The same reason Brienne is trying to help him now. A mutual respect for talent and weird interest. Brienne lets her anger show telling him that this is the first time he’s had to live in the real world where things that people care about get taken away all the time and he’s stuck moping around “like a woman”. Though I think Jamie saw right through her manipulation it still worked, as we leave the scene watching Jamie eats.

THAT TIME TYWIN WAS A HUGE TOOL TO SOMEONE OTHER THAN TYRION
It turns out Cersei and Tyrion have much more in common than I ever fully realized. This became apparent to me during a scene between Cersei and their father Tywin. While Tywin is busy writing a letter – which is his primary order of business in Kings Landing (He has to be planning something right?), Cersei starts out questioning his efforts in getting Jamie back (Ugh). Tywin rightly points out that he started a war for Tyrion when he was taken and he hates him so why wouldn’t he try his damnest with Jamie? Tywin also makes it clear that he views Jamie as his heir even though taking a position on a Kingsguard should have destroyed that option. This is also interesting after his previous horrible conversation with Tyrion concerning his legacy, and how he wouldn’t never let his dwarf son ruin that image for him. Cersei points out then that she is next logically choice as heir as the oldest daughter. She also points out that for all his talk about family and their legacy he never includes her on his plans. Jokes on Cersei though because much like her hated younger brother, daddy dearest knows exactly what to say to hurt her. He dismisses the idea of her lady parts getting in the way of him working with her but its simply that fact that she is not nearly as smart as she seems to think she is. Anyone else flat out picture Cersei’s head exploding? I did. Cersei also took some time here in this conversation to point out her valid distrust of the Tyrells – in particular Margaery’s powers of persuasion over the young King Joffrey completely terrify Cersei. Tywin, a true debate winner, bluntly responds that that is a good that at least someone has control over him considering Cersei bloody can’t do it. Cersei says he should try to stop him from doing whatever he wants. Creepily Tywin says he will. Gulp.

THAT TIME NON EXISTENCE BUMPED AGAINST THE DECREPIT
In the gardens Olenna is seated with two lesser Tyrell cousins who are embroidering. One embroiders a Golden Rose as well at the Tyrell family motto “Growing Strong” on one giving Olenna the material she needs to steal this scene. She finds the Tyrells house sigil and motto to be completely boring. She names drops some of the most exciting other options for noble families in Westros: Primarily the Starks and the Greyjoys (“Winter is Coming” Direwolves, “We Do Not Sow” Krakens). This scene only gets better as Varys comes to call on Grandma Tyrell. Shooing the cousins away Olenna has a conversation with Varys in which she sees through al of his bullshit before he gets a chance to completely get it all out there. This was so lovely especially because Varys is sometimes sidelined but never beaten and that is exactly what Olenna did: She beat him verbally. Olenna just barks out for him to get to his point. He came there concerning Littlefinger’s interest in Sansa Stark. With Bran and Rickon presumably dead at Winterfel, and Arya Stark also missing and presumed dead for over a year, Sansa is Robb’s legal heir. How terrifying is it that if Robb were to die the man who controls Sansa will also control the entirety North. Varys also admits to liking working with Littlefinger, or at least their verbal sparring but the idea of the man actually in power frightens Varys. This is because Littlefinger as no limits to his actions if he thinks they will give him more power. He would burn the entire realm down if it meant he could be “king of the ashes”. Olenna awesomely agrees and one-ups Varys by saying the resolution is simple. Holy Transition!
Margaery, working now from this new development goes and finds Sansa praying on the cliffs outside. She engages her in small talk, even jokingly saying her cousin got some kind of pox disease that made her face melt off. Naïve Sansa misses the joke and even calls her self naive when she realizes she bought that ridiculous tale. After Margaery dismisses any listening guards Margaery pitches a plan to move Sansa to her old home, Highgarden in The Reach. Poor naïve Sansa objects saying the Queen would never let her. Hilariously Margaery points out that the Queen regent might care but Queen Margaery totally wants her to go. Margaery even coyly points out her grandmothers obvious solution to Sansa being used as a pawn: Sansa should marry Loras and therefore her rightfully place will be at Highgarden anyway. I’m surprised Sansa didn’t start hysterically crying out of joy here. Between leaving the horrible Joffrey behind and marrying the handsome crush-worthy Knight of the Flowers Sansa might explode from happiness.

THAT TIME RAST STARTED SHIT – AGAIN
At Craster’s Keep tensions and emotions are starting to pile up as the Nights Watch is trying to get back on their feet after their big fail of a battle at the Fist of the First Men. While burning a funeral pyre for a man named Bannon who died from his injuries at the Fist of the First Men, Lord Commander Mormont eulogizes him sweetly talking about a brave man from far in the other direction of the wall, who fought freakin’ scary monsters he didn’t even know existed, and now they will never see that brave man again. He closes the eulogy with this episodes namesake: And now, his watch is ended. Which is a ritualistic ending for all Nights Watch members who die. Rast blames Craster for the lack of food. In fact the men are so hungry that Edd comments that their dead burning companion, Bannon, smells good. Ha.

THAT TIME ANOTHER WATCH ENDED – AND ANOTHER – AND ANOTHER
In the main room of the keep Craster is taunting and irritating the Nights Watch men currently relying on his generosity. Mormont insists they must stay until they are all well enough to travel back to the wall but Craster doesn’t except this. He thinks they should just kill everyone too wounded to travel and if Mormont doesn’t want to do it Craster will do it himself. What a dick.
Owen from Torchwood, named Karl on this, enters now to complain about the lack of real food Craster is giving them. He also inquires about Craster’s hidden larder. Craster now too drunk to sense the danger, continues his hostilities. Rast begins to join in on the frustration here. Craster also says he does have hidden food but he needs it for his many daughter-wives in the winter. Rast calls Craster a bastard to which Craster’s grows extremely angry and threatens him with an axe. Mormont sensing the horribleness about to go down restrains Rast while Craster tells them all he’s going to throw them out into the cold with nothing. He also threatens to cut off the hands of the next man to call him a bastard. A tense moment is created as silence booms in the keep. Mormont begins leading Rast out of the room but the peace is halted when Owen from Torchwood-Karl firmly tells Craster that he is a bastard. A daughter-fucking wilding bastard. Ouch. Craster rushes him but clumsily and trashed so Owen-Karl bests him quickly shoving his dagger into Craster’s throat (yum). He follows up this badass move by making a horrible one: He next punches one of the Craster’s present wives demanding to know where the rest of the food is. Commander Mormont bellows that the gods will surely punish them for this because of a Guests right (a guest killing a host who has formally accepted him into his home breaks the laws of gods and men).  Owen-Karl reminds us that there are no rules beyond the wall. Karl continues to threaten the girl so Mormont pulls his sword on him which forces Karl to drop the girl and face off against him. Before the fight can actually happen though Rast literally and figuratively sweeps into the scene behind Mormont and stabs him in the back. Mutiny it is then. Everything slows down as all the men look on as Mormont drops his sword. Then Grenn (Ginger beard as I call him) charges Karl and everything is thrown into utter chaos as Nights Watch fights Nights Watch. Commander Mormont, showing his ball size, turns around to take on Rast with a knife still in his back. Bigger and madder than Rast they fight. Mormont looks likes he’s on the brink of breaking Rast’s windpipe with his bare hand (BADASS) when his back wound finally proves to be fatal as he starts coughing thick red blood and sinks to the ground. Now weak and incapacitated Rast takes the moment to repeatedly stab Mormont in the neck. Too many times to note.
Sam wisely hoofed it out of there to Gilly’s hut. He tells her they need to leave and run now if they plan on being alive to do it. Sam runs out with Gilly and her little boy as the mutiny increases. Anyone else feel wicked bad for Craster’s daughter-wives? I think there going to be “a bit of a rape” for these ladies when the dust settles. Gilly leads the way into the darkness as Rast, covered in Mormont’s blood, goes back to one of his favorite pastimes: torturing Sam. He screams out that his “piggy” can run but he will be slitting his throat at some point. Gulp.

THAT TIME ARYA TOLD THE HOUND TO STRAIGHT FUCK OFF
Back on the road, Arya and Gendry are hooded so they cannot find out where they are going which is the secret headquarters for the Brotherhood Without Banners. Unlike most people I actually oddly trust Thoros when he says they are friends and not prisoners and that it is safer for her not to know where their secret location is. Of course it’s a cave. The Hound is also led in also, still hooded. When they actually take it off he hilariously step away from a fire lit near him. This poor man just needs big hug.
But that’s not what the Brotherhood thinks. They are essentially trying Sandor for murder. We also meet a familiar name but different face as this character has been recast since the first season: Beric Dondariaon. In season one Ned Stark sent him as the leader of a group of men sent to capture Gregor (The Mountian) for crimes he committed in the Riverlands. Wearing an eye patch Sandor reacts to him in a way I wish I could describe…After not being able to pin any actual murders on The Hound Arya speaks up and accuses Sandor of murdering her friend which he did by order of Joffrey.  Never the less The Hound is sentenced to trail by combat and The Hound mocks the Brotherhood as to who’s going to nut up and take him on.  In a twist fitting on the WWE The Hound finds out he’s taking on….Beric Dondariaon in a flaming sword match next week, live in the creepy cave! It’s gonna be a slobber knocker.

THAT TIME DANY BECAME A BAD ASS.
And now for my favorite portion of this incredible episode. In Astapor Dany is meeting with Kraznys, a slave master, with Drogon, her largest dragon in a large cage to trade him for a slave army. She is also accompanied by her Queensguard (Barriston and Jorah) as well as her new hottie translator who has gotten a wardrobe upgrade. The 8000 Unsullied are gathered as well in the city square where this transaction is set to take place. Other slave masters and upperclass folks watch on, I bet coming to see the dragon, while slaves serve them refreshments.

Kraznys via hottie interpreter tells Dany that the Unsullied have not yet seen battle so she could do with sacking a few towns or cities on her way to Westros. Ha. The slavers will happily take anyone she captures to take as slaves so it’s a win-win to the slavers. Kraznys also wirily notes that any young boys she takes will be trained to be more Unsullied and be full soldiers in about ten years time. Dany releases her Dragon from his cage and carries him flying at the end of a leather leash as payment for her army. She gives Drogon to Kraznys and in return he hands her a fancy cat-of-nine-tails signifying ownership of the Unsullied. Dany asks if the deal is done. It is, though Krazny already looks annoyed that Drogon wont stop flying around trying to pull himself away from the horrible man.

To exclusively Missandei’s, hottie translator, surprise Dany begins speaking absolutely perfect Valyrian to her new slave soldiers. First order of business is taking them for a test drive. She order them to march, and to halt satisfied with the desired results. Kraznys, too distracted by the struggling Dragon above his head, misses this fact and proceed to tell the hottie translator to tell that “the bitch” that the dragon will not come when he commands. Dany makes the best facial expression that says “Well you’re never going to get to call me that again” and then proceeds to speak perfect Valyrian to him informing him that “A Dragon is not a slave” speaking both for her babies and herself as a Targaryen. Kraznys is flabbergasted and questions her aloud about her knowledge of Valyrian. Dany, truly the dragon queen now, declares that she is Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, of the blood of Old Valyria and that Old Valyrian is her mother tongue. Dany had known the entire time all of the horrible insults this douche bag has been flying her way and has used her knowledge to lull the slave master into a false sense of security.

Next order of business is Dany telling all 8000 of her Unsullied slave soldiers to kill EVERY slave master in Astapor, as well as all their soldiers, and any man for that matter holding a whip. In true Dany fashion she says no children and to strike off the chains of any slave they see. There is a pregnant pause here which becomes deliciously hilarious as one of the man lunge out of line to stab a slaver as if to say: Well you don’t have to tell me twice. Kraznys panics and screams like a little girl for someone to kill Daenerys but she turns around and swiftly order Drogon: Dracrays which is High Valyrian for dragon fire. Drogon does his job, engulfing the slaver in flames gloriously killing him. Then Drogon freeing himself with his fiery breath flies up toward the higher walls where other slave masters were watching them – until Drogon burned them up too. Good dragon. The Unsullied proceed to attack as instructed, sack the entire city, supported by all three dragon’s using there lovely fire.

After what I assume is a bloody defeat of Astapor, Dany walks past the charred remains of Kraznys smoking on the ground and mounts a white horse. It’s time for her and her Unsullied to talk again: Though they have literally spent most of their lifes as slaves she is setting them free. No one will harm anyone who wishes to leave but she also asks them to stay and fight for her a free men. For another pregnant pause we are left to wonder how they will react. Do they even know how to react? One of them makes his choice to stay and starts to beat his spear on the ground. Then a few more join him. Next thing we know hundreds of Unsullied are beating their spears on the ground triumphantly signifying a true triumph for Daenerys. Yes. Dany now has exactly what her brother had always dreamed of: an army to conquer the seven kingdoms. She rides out, looking awesome, as her soldiers follow in formation. Also her three dragons are joyously flying overhead. So this is what a true Targaryen looks like. I wonder if they’ll still show Astapor next week in the opening credits on fire like Winterfel.

Game of Thrones – Walk of Punishment Season 3 – Episode 3 A Recap by Sagebeth.

In an episode filled with a tremendous amount of numerous near misses, it sure hit the nail on the head, or rather the hand on the tree trunk. Executive producers, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, made their directorial debut as well as penning the episode. And sure did it feel special – flipping between being very funny to very rapey in a way only the Game can accomplish. Lets get on with the full recap:

EDMURE WAVES HIS BLUNDERS AROUND LIKE A VICTORY FLAG
“We seem to be running short on patience here” -Uncle Blackfish
“You know who isn’t? Tywin Lannister.” -King Robb

Edmure Tully, Catelyn Starks brother, is a welcome addition to the Westros crew considering we’ve yet to run into somebody who just outright sucks so much at what they do that’s its funny. We open to the funeral of Catelyn’s father, Robb’s grandfather, Lord Hoster Tully. They are sending him out on a boat as a funeral pyre to be lit aflame and Catelyn’s little brother, Edmure, is going to go the deed – or tries to and fails several times. Then right before their dead patriarch’s pyre is about to go around the bend of a river Brynden “The Blackfish” Tully, Hoster’s little brother, pushes his nephew out of the way and takes care of the job in the badass fashion we are accustomed to. He notes the wind, pulls the bow, and walks away not even bothering to watch his arrow connect with its target. Watching Edmure miss these shots tickled me – I don’t know whose silent reaction was better Robb giggle, the crowds nervousness,  Catelyn‘s seriousness, or Uncle Blackfish‘s annoyance.

Afterward Brynden “The Blackfish”, silly Edmure Tully, and King Robb are meeting concerning the now failing war. Things are not going well since the Lannister’s defeated their enemies in the south (Stannis). With their marriage alliance with House Tyrell, they have superior numbers, wealth, and strategic position. Edmure, sincerely thinking it wise, decides to raise the mood by boasting of his win over The Mountain’s forces, driving them out of the Riverlands with his capture of Stone Mill. Instead of back and butt slaps Robb and Brynden are rightfully angry – this directly screwed with their plans to lure the enemy forces into the Westerlands. This was the entire point of Robb’s campaign back in season two. They were supposed to pull the enemy troops further away, therefore preventing Tywin from returning to King’s Landing to help defend it from Stannis during the Battle on Blackwater Bay. Edmure still trying to brighten the situation says they at least got two younger Lannister boys as captives. This is a silly argument as having Tywin’s own son, Jamie, did nothing back in season two. Now the Starks entire stake in the war is shitty. As long as Tywin stays patient he can simply win. Robb notes that Tywin is exceptional at patience. Holy Transition!

TITLES BREEDING TITLES
“I’m quite good at spending money but a lifetime of outrageous wealth hasn’t taught me much about managing it” – Tyrion

Tywin is calling the first meeting of the Small Council since he has arrived in Kings Landing. He changes the location to a room closer to his quarters, letting everyone know who the true dominant figure is in the room. Then in a demonstration of a non-verbal test he invites everyone into the room at the same time, then sits down at a table with a line of chairs on one side. We are left tickled with how each character handles the situation. This felt more like these actors playing a fun drama game. Littlefinger pushes his way toward the front, getting the seat closest to Tywin. Varys awesomely rolls his eyes at the naked ambition, and settles for the second seat (for now I’m hoping). Maester Pycelle, the slow survivalist, doesn’t even speed up, slowing ambling over to the third string seat. Next Cersei enters, and upon seeing the lowly options left to her does what she does best. Change things to match her taste. She drags one of the chairs to the other side of the table to sit at her fathers right hand. I also want to note that even the horrible sound the chair makes when being dragged sounds graceful from her. Tyrion, last but certainly not least, first notes out loud his fathers obvious display of power showing then in an act of one ups man ship Tyrion loudly drags the last chair to the opposite head of the table position mirroring Tywin himself. Ha. Looks like we just literally were treated a “game of thrones”.

Tywin is pissed considering that between everyone at the table they have the largest spy network in the world but none of them have news about Jamie. The entire northern army knows of his escape but there has been no other word. Concerning the war Varys reports that Robb’s at Riverrun for his grandfathers funeral leaving Roose Bolton in charge at Harrenhal. Of course Varys can’t help but insult Littlefinger concerning his newest accomplishment of Harrenhal (a gift from the crown last season) – This makes Littlefinger owner of Harrenhal in name and less in practice. Tywin is not bothered however as the only thing Littlefinger needs is the title to make him worthy of becoming part of another marriage alliance. This time it will be his own with that of Lady Lisa Arryn (Catelyn’s breastfeeding sister from season one). I wonder if that creepy kid is still breastfeeding. Littlefinger notes that she simply loved him when they are children so she will of course marry him. Pycelle notes that this will further elevate Littlefinger to Lord Paramount of the Vale. Around here is also where I noticed that Littlefinger looks more spiffy than usually, dressing more the part in a golden tunic. This entire thing will help Tywin and the crown because until now the Vale of Arryn has been neutral in the war. If the marriage occurs it will cement that they will at least not be joining Robb’s side any time soon. Also with his marriage Littlefinger will have to leave the small council freeing up his Master of the Coin position. Tywin wastes not time delegating his least favorite (but smartest) son to the position. While this could be seen as Tywin once again giving his son great power and position, Tyrion notes that he knows nothing about managing money. With a few backhanded compliments from Cersei, Tyrion can now deduce that this position is one given so he can be blamed for any mistakes. Yikes.

IF JAMIE WAS A WOMAN HE’D MAKE THEM KILL HIM
“Maybe people just love to over praise a famous name.” -Brienne

Now captured by a man named Locke and a group of men from House Bolton, Jamie and Brienne ride a horse bound together as the men sing a springy rendition of something called “The Bear and the Maiden Fair”. It is upbeat, therefore the actions these men take later really threw me for a loop. Also am I wrong in thinking this song is about a lady having sex with a bear? Ugh Whatever I think this show is just trying to prove you can‘t judge a man by his musical tastes between this week and last week the Brotherhood singing Rains of Castamere. Tied up on one of the horse Jamie informs Brienne that she will most likely be raped by all those men tonight. His honest advice is to not fight it and glibly he adds for her to just think of Renly. They need Jamie alive still but they certainly do not need Brienne. Brienne, incensed, says she will fight them off even if she is killed. Jamie agrees that if he were in the same position he would do the same.

HOT PIE SAYS FAREWELL, AND HOPES NO ONE GETS STABBED
“I like to see a mans face when I put the steel in him” -Hound
“Why so you can kiss him?” -Brotherhood Bowman

Still in the company of the Brotherhood Without Banners, Gendry has just fixed a steel breastplate for Thoros. Arya wants to know why Gendry is helping them. Thoros points out that they are not prisoners but she is safest with them. Arya’s pointless arguing is interrupted by her spying Sandor Clegane “The Hound” being loaded into a prisoner wagon. She approaches him directly, standing right in front of him asking if he remembers the last time they were there. He simply says all the inns look the same. Arya however was talking about the last time both these characters were there. It is the same Inn on the Kingsroad that they traveled through back in season one. This was when a playmate of Arya’s, the butchers boy, was killed simply because Joffrey is a prick. Man, does this girl carry this angst everywhere with her or what?! Anyway if that little bit seemed pointless we are rewarded for watching by seeing The Hound get his face slammed into the ceiling of the wagon as he is loaded on.

As they prepare to leave we witness a first for this series. A side character is getting a peaceful blood free exit from the plot. Hot Pie has decided to stay at the inn, being hired for his keen bread baking ability. Ugh Fat kids and food. Anyway its better this way as this life of fighting and blood isn’t for this ex-bakers apprentice. Before they forever part ways Hot Pie gifts Arya with a piece of bread he baked into the shape of a Direwolf. A poorly shaped wolf but a sweet present none the less. As the Brotherhood leaves Arya shoots out to Hot Pie how good the treat is even though the head and tail look alike. YAY FOR ANIMAL CRACKERS.

CATELYN MISSES HER CHILDREN, TALISA TEASES CHILDREN
“It comforts me to know that even in wars darkest days, that places in the world have absolutely nothing is happening” -Uncle Blackfish (Especially great line considering the amount of incidents happening around their world)

Back in Catelyn’s old bedchamber we are treated to more of Lady Stark disintegrating before our eyes as she mourns her father with her uncle. She inquires if he cleared the bad air between him and his now dead brother before the end. On his deathbed Lord Hoster told his brother to stop calling himself “The Blackfish” which was some joke he had made up years earlier symbolizes the bad blood between him and his brother. Choked up he admits to people calling him Blackfish for so long he barely remembers his true name. Also choked up Catelyn is happy for him but sad that she couldn’t be there at the end. This bridges to the idea that she used to wait for her father to return home from campaigns as a young girl – much like her young boys Bran and Rickon most likely waited for her to return. Brynden shares that both him and Robb think the boys are alive and in hiding so she should too.

In the Riverrun prison cells Queen Talisa (Wow it sort of took me until now to realize she has the Queenly title now) is bandaging up the Lannister captives: Willem and Martin. At 14 and 15 years old the boys questions about King Robb are amazing and funny. They wonder about his ability to turn into a wolf – Does he eat the flesh of his enemies? Talisa awesomely answers yes – pauses and adds that he doesn’t eat the flesh of children except on full moons. Wittily Talisa asks the guard if it is a full moon. I want to point out that it is unknown exactly how much the boys believe and don’t believe.

WHITES ARE ALWAYS THE ARTISTS
“Dead or alive they took a big gamble coming North and they lost. The best fighting men are dead and whether he’s the Lord Commander of Nights Watch or a blue eyed corpse he’s a long way from home” -Mance on the Nights Watch

The Free Folk, including Jon Snow, have arrived at the Fist of the First Men – where Jon left the rest of the Night’s Watch army. They find the bloody aftermath – which proves at least one thing: The White Walkers should be some sort of morbid interior decorators. The Watch horses were slaughtered and littered on the ground in a large spiral ceremonial pattern. There is however no sign of human corpses signaling that the White Walker army has grown. Jon asks if Mormont could have escaped – Yes but with only a small amount of a men, beaten, and trying to outrun a White Walker Horde. Mance keenly points out that any of the Nights Watch who died and become a white are longer friends of Jon’s. If I were Mance wouldn’t you suspect this Jon Snow asshole a bit more than they are. I thought he’s switched sides? Whatever. So it seems with the Nights Watch dead or on the run Mance is sending Giantsbane to climb the wall (wait climb the wall?!!? The 700 foot ice wall?!) with a small group including Jon then they attacking Castle Black because it can only defend itself on one side. Can’t wait to see this bit.

Further south we catch up with the remnants of the Nights Watch. Lord Commander Mormont is leading the leftovers of his men into Crasters Keep – a destination from last year (The dude who marries his daughters). Craster openly mocks them, and even seems to be denying them entrance until he eyeballs some of the men stroking their weapons. Even then, while eating inside, Craster continues the open taunting. He even admits to feeding his pigs better than them – this leads to a gross suggest of his. This is that they feed off Samwell on their journey because of his size (“He‘s a walking feast“). Sam’s will is so broken, and his fear is so present he can’t even stay inside with them. So he heads outside where we can hear a women screaming in childbirth. Inside Craster crudely grows annoyed with her birthing screaming but Sam follows the sounds toward a tent outside. Here fate convenes as the screamer is his beloved Gilly. However happiness doesn’t have time to form as she finally gives birth and eagerly awaits to see the babies gender. To Gilly’s apparent horror the baby is a boy. Wordlessly Sam, Gilly, and the audience realize they Craster will sacrifice the baby to the White Walkers – which he also admitted to openly worshipping as gods this episode. Eek!

NOT IN THE IRON ISLANDS
“If you can’t ride we don’t stand a chance” -Theons savior

Theon is spirited out of his prison by an unnamed handsome stranger, struggling to ride a horse after his torture stint. Theon’s escape is initially ended when his captors catch up with him. CHASE SCENE! After a bunch of near misses from arrows Theon takes a mace to the chest throwing him off his horse. Ouch. Then his captors hold him down deciding some hearty rape is the solution to this problem. However right before Theon is about to be viciously “fucked into the dirt” his unnamed savior pops up to truly fit that title slaying ALL of Theon’s present captors with his bow and arrows. Wow. It is very impressive. It only gets even more mysterious when the man calls Theon Lord and lets us all know that they really need to get going because “Winter is Coming”.

STANNIS’S FIRES BURN LOW
“I’m not so easily killed – men have been trying for years” -Stannis

King Stannis, looking a little haggard, is speaking to Melisandre a she prepares to depart Dragonstone by boat. He is worried his enemies, importantly Joffrey and Robb, are laughing at him much like Renly did (I picture his nightmare is all his enemies calling him a ham). Saying that even now she is abandoning him is his dramatic way of trying to stop her. She assures him that she still thinks he is the Lord’s Chosen but she is traveling to the Riverlands to obtain something critical to his cause. Stannis thinks if he turns up his sexy-meter he might be able to lure her into staying but when you’re hard on is based from creating an evil shadow assassin to kill his enemies the lady usually gets a headache. She says he is too weak right now to do that again. Over his further protests she insists what she is after is more power than a shadow assassin baby. In fact she shares that what she is about to do will change the tide of the war but she will need a king’s blood to do it. Stannis is as confused as us until she put its simple. She needs to burn a sacrifice to the Lord of Light and this person must have King’s blood. She can’t kill Stannis to achieve this but there are “others” with his blood she can. This immediately hinting at King Robert’s only surviving bastard: Gendry. Gulp. I’m also fairly certain he is in the Riverlands right now. Oh handsome Gendry – I don’t know if she’s coming to burn you or have sex with you but Melisandre is coming and she seems scarier than winter.

RHEAGAR IS NOT THE LAST DRAGON
“There’s a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hands,” -Jorah

Dany and company are taking a jaunty stroll down this episodes namesake: the Walk of Punishment. It is a quant strip of land where tortured and punished slaves are displayed basically crucified. Great tourist attraction.  Dany, ever the soft heart at her base, tries to give water to one of the dying slaves. He wont drink though – logic tells me because he doesn’t want to live any longer but his slave status could be to blame.  Dany’s party is made up of two parties: Ser Barristen who votes the get the hell away from the slave city (“We can find soldiers in Pentos”) and the more familiar Ser Jorah argues to purchase the Unsullied (“Is it ‘we’ already?”). Jorah argues that the Unsullied at more fit to Dany’s tastes as they will not rape, pillage, or generally lose control like any other non-slave army would. So does Dany want true passionate soldiers or obedient slaves? Barristen tries to compare Dany to Rheagar, her dead older brother. Jorah takes the connects and points out that for all Rheagars valiance that he is still dead.

Later during her meeting with the Unsullied owner, Kraznys, Dany makes her decision. She wants to buy ALL of the slaves. Dany proceeds to haggle in such a dominant confident way I fall in love with her all over again. She wants all 8000 of the Unsullied as well as the ones not fully trained. She will have all or take none. Kraznys continues to secretly insult the Queen as his translator spins his crass observations into workable phrases on the fly but his man point is that Dany can’t possibility have the money to pay for what she wants. Her answer is offering one of her Dragons. Now this got his real attention. He even starts speaking her language. “Three” – “One” – “Two” – “One”. Dany wins out by giving her largest Dragon to him. Barristen and Jorah are nearly outraged. How could she! She would much more likely win the throne with dragons and not slaves. Dany looks at the men like STFU even though their voiced opinions can only help seal the deal for her. Now seeing the her army in sight, Dany wants the dude to throw in his sexy awesome translator as well. Ha! I’d call that a win if she truly wasn’t handing one of her dragons over to this guy BUT does anyone get the feeling this dragon isn’t going to staying with Kraznys long? I smell burnt slavers possibly in the future, hence Dany clearing the entire place out.

After leaving the meeting, with her army now, Dany scolds the men for undermining her so publicly. I bet they’d never have thought of doing it if she didn’t have boobies. I love the feminist themes found in Westros. Dany goes on to question her new hottie translator: Will the Unsullied be as true to her as she was led to believe? Does the translator actually want to join her team? As Dany lists the reasons why the translator shouldn’t want to go with her I cant help but think it must be a major upgrade from her stay with slaves R us.

THE SCENE BRONN CALLS LITTLEFINGER “LORD TWAT BEARD”
“They’re only numbers on paper. Once you understand that, it’s easy to make them behave. Trivial even. You want a real challenge? Try whores.” -Littlefinger
“I’ve tried quite a few actually” -Tyrion

After the meeting Tyrion heads to the most appropriate place Littlefinger could keep the financial record books for the crown: his brothel. Podrick loads all the books into a wagon while Ros hilariously eye-fucks him into a fit of nerves. Littlefinger insists that this was the safest place for the records and hilariously Tyrion notes that he definitely wasn’t the safest place for bastards – noting back when the Gold Cloaks came to kill one of Robert Baratheon’s bastards who was staying there back in season two. Littlefinger ignores the bait and simply wishes Tyrion well in the position. He also thanks him for freeing Ros from captivity last season – When Cersei confused Ros with Shea. Tyrion doesn’t show his hand simply saying it was all  a misunderstanding – ignoring the probing look Littlefinger can’t help but give him. Tyrion and Bronn leave here, Pod following them with the wagon full of books. They stop in one of the rooms though and we are treated to Tyrion “thanking” Podrick for saving his life last season during the Battle of Blackwater Bay. It turns out Tyrion has paid for Podrick (who is totally a virgin) to be with three whores (one a crazy talented contortionist). Friendship! In this overly sexualized naked party otherwise known as a television series this scene actually felt very beautifully erotic between the gorgeous circular bedded room, the girls, and the nervous Pod.

Later on while exploring the financial records Tyrion notes that there are some problems with the numbers to Bronn. Me and Bronn immediately wonder if Littlefinger is embezzling. But Tyrion says no, indicating it was more like Littlefinger was borrowing all of the money. In the past Littlefinger made his name for himself as a master of money (“He rubs his hands together and poof! Mountains’ of gold”). As he could seemingly collect large amounts of it from out of no where but in reality the throne is severally in debt. Littlefinger appears to have kept the boat afloat but borrowing from foreign banks every year. In particular the largest amounts appears to be between the largest bank in the free cities: The Iron Bank of Braavos. Tyrion lets Bronn know what happens to people who can’t pay their debts with the Iron Bank of Braavos. First they refuse loans and will ultimately lend support to people rebelling against them. INTERESTING. So if they do not pay their debt he fears they will lend their support to either Stannis or Robb Stark in their war effort against them. With amazing timing Podrick returns from his epic deflowering – with the whores wages still in his possession. Initially Tyrion assumes that Podricks nerves got the best of him and he fled the encounter but Pod insists he did all the sorts of things one does with prostitutes (LOL). It turns out the girls felt that the payment was not necessary (Still LOL) for their services. Awesomely Tyrion drops the whole national banking crisis and grabs his wine so Podrick and can tell him and Bronn all about it because they want DETAILS.

HONOR UNBESMERCHED
“Fighting bravely for a losing cause is admirable. Fighting for a winning cause is far more rewarding.” -Jamie
“Hard to argue with that” -Bolton

Later that night Jamie’s prophecy comes to life as the men drag Brienne into the woods to gang rape her. Jamie, not usually thrown by pointless brutality, seems utterly off put. Whether it is genuine care for Brienne or respect he starts talking her way out of the horrible situation. He lets Locke know that Brienne is the sole heir to the “sapphire isle” and Selwyn of Tarth and they could get a ransom for her as long as her honor is intact. Locke calls for the men to bring Brienne back and tie her back up to a tree.

Jamie perhaps thinking he is gaining momentum starts trying to bribe his way out of the situation again as well bragging the amount of money his father would pay for him. However Locke opinion of the situation is probably a building annoyance. Jamie doesn’t sense it and continues his talking points. Locke sees he must prove to Jamie that his father will never deal with the likes of him by passively suggesting his men let Jamie go so they can dine together. He leads him to a tree trunk and offer it as a dinner table – jokingly however. Soon Jamie is slammed full force into the trunk and Locke holds a knife to his eyeball (EYE VIOLENCE!) threatening that maiming Jamie would surely prove that Tywin would never deal with him much less bribe him. He backs off though and me and Jamie seem to appropriately understand the situation better now. Locke however doesn’t think his point is sticking so to remind Jamie that his father surely cannot help him here he leaves Jamie a little reminder. He slices off Jamie’s sword hand. SERIOUSLY – Locke cuts off Jamie’s hand. For half a second Jamie stares at his decapitated hand in shock but finally he howls in a way I never imagined this character would scream.

We cut to end credits as we are treated once again to a sick version of “the bear and maiden fair”.

Next week: Dany hands over her biggest dragon (Then has him kill everyone I hope). Theon and his savior are still running. Apparently some men are loyal to his sister and some are intent on fucking him into the dirt. Granny Tyrell shares some screen time with Cersei which results in her letting Tywin know that the Tyrell’s are a “problem”. The Hound just wants someone to kill him already and be done with it. Looks like a Craster versus the remaining Nights Watch showdown is coming (hopefully because this guy needs an axe to the face). Sam is telling his sort of friends that they need to get out there ASAP. Dany stands in front of her army. Was that last shot of Bran falling from episode one back in season one? Can it be next Sunday yet?

Boston, You’re my home.

Boston. Fucking horrible.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, “Well, I’ve had it with humanity.”

But I was wrong. I don’t know what’s going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.

But here’s what I DO know. If it’s one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we’re lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they’re pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We’d have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, “The good outnumber you, and we always will.”

-Patton Oswalt.

Game Of Thrones – Season 3 – Episode 2 “Dark Wings, Dark Words” A Recap – By Sagebeth

Some people called this episode slow but I didn’t even notice the drag. Like most moments in this series I find it all too awesome to criticize. In fact I’ll admit to feeling a momentum building – meaning most of season should be action-action-action. But lets handle what happened in this episode entitled: Dark Wings Dark Words.

BRAN DIDN’T ASK FOR BLACK MAGIC DREAMS
Bran is walking! This episode opens with Bran hunting after the three-eyed raven. If you weren’t convinced this was dream with Bran walking, the fantasy gets better as he takes aim at the raven. His brothers: Robb and Jon stand by his side giving him advice on shooting the arrow. It is directly lifted dialogue from the pilot episode when the Stark family was still happy and together back in Winterfel. It even gets more sentimental as we hear now-dead honorable Eddard Stark’s same lines from episode one: “Which one of you were a marksman at ten?”. Bran after missing his raven target, questions hearing the voice of his father. In fact when he says father out loud we are treated to the wonders of puberty. But before we can throw a hormone party for Bran he hears the raven again but instead of the recognizable bird we see a stranger. A young man, not looking much older than Bran, has seemingly entered his dream and informs Bran he cannot kill the three-eyed raven because Bran IS the raven.
Jarring himself awake now Bran is back to reality. His legs still don’t work and he totally has a deep voice now. Hodor and Osha are still taking him and Rickon to the Wall. Osha questions Bran if he was seeing through the eyes of his wolf again. Nope – He starts into his monologue about the three-eyed raven appearing again. Osha doesn’t even let him explain at all because her superstition is overpowering her curiosity. She doesn’t want to hear any of it – if it has to do with the raven. Hmm. They need to get moving again – Osha is worried about someone tracking them down. Bran isn’t worried because no one even knows they are alive. Osha asks if the raven told him that – no. Osha is making it clear that she is trying to deal in facts and a fact is that the wall is still awhile away. They get to packing.

THE KING OF THE GRIM BEARED STINKING BARBARIANS
Robb’s new wife, Talisa, is flirting with him while he broods and stares into his fire. She jokes about him being a stinking barbarian – which is exactly what most characters appear as on this how. Talisa also admits to never thinking she would be wed: nether the less wed to a Westrosi man. Until she met Robb – who has only gotten more boring in her presence unfortunately. Also bas news for Robb, his men totally feel the same way as me. They feel like they started losing their war the second he married her: Hence a scene later on between Robb and one of his men who says that very thing.
Back the current scene: Bolton, Robb’s banner man, interrupts their kissage to deliver some mail they’ve gotten from ravens (TITLE ALERT: DARK WINGS DARK WORDS). Both messages bear bad news unfortunately. Catelyn’s father, of house Tully is dead. Also news of Winterfel’s destruction and no sign of Bran or Rickon.
Catelyn looks the picture of sadness when we see her. It is actually a little agonizing to watch her receive the news about her youngest children. While scrambling to figure out where the boys may be (that is alive) she asks if Robb has heard from his old bff Theon. Holy transition!

POOR EFFING THEON
Surprisingly we catch up with Theon Greyjoy next – who we last saw knocked out by his men and literally dragged home from their temporary war loot Winterfel last season. Now it appears we are as out of the loop as Theon is on what exactly is going on with him. He is awaked by a bucket of water, tied up right, and questioned by a bored looking jailer. What does the jailer want? He wants to take off Theons fingernail with his knife. Lovely. I never thought I’d be thinking this so soonly after his little Winterfel fiasco but poor effing Theon.
Later on during more torture Theon is getting a screw driven through his foot and it looks hella painful. It also appears Theon still hasn’t actually been really questioned. Theon screams that he doesn’t know what they want. They want the truth about why he took Winterfel. Theon struggles with his reasoning, stuttering back and forth. He did it to take the North while it was vulnerable. He did it so he could hold it and rule it. Poor Theon just doesn’t want them to torture him anymore but it doesn’t work. They seem to just be torturing him no matter what he says. They ask again: Why did he take Winterfel? He wanted to bring glory to his house and his father. He also took it because he hated the Starks and wanted to hurt them. I’m not sure any of these are true because I doubt Theon even truly knows why he does these things. Finally they put a bag over his head, screw his foot a little more, and leave him alone in the room. He whines and cries for them to take the bag off his head – but they are long gone. The only person left looks like a servant who is cleaning the floor – However said servant proceeds to tell Theon he was sent there by his sister, Lara, to help him. He will come back to get Theon at night while the castle sleeps. Theon begs to not be left alone. Poor Theon.

JAMIE AND BRIENNE DON’T GET TO CHOOSE WHO THEY LOVE
Brienne is actually walking Jaime on a leash, still seemingly early on their journey to King’s Landing. Brienne is doing this for Lady Catelyn, as a trade for Sansa and Arya. Unfortunately neither Catelyn, nor Brienne, or Jaime actually know the Lannisters don’t have Arya. They proceed to have a great conversation in which Jaime is trying his hardest to annoying the hell out of her (“giant tow-headed plank”). There is even a sweet cut to Jaime trying to make conversation with her while pissing on a tree. Somehow this leads to more insults and instigation.
The conversation veers into her dedication to Renly and Jaime eats her up. Turns out big strong Brienne had a crush on our Renly Baratheon. Jaime really mails in Renly interest in men, namely Loras. Brienne finally snaps and grabs him – Jaime then delivers a very telling line: “I don’t blame him… We don’t get to choose who we love.”. Their stare off is interrupted by a friendly passing by farmer. He acts friendly and seemingly just passing by. As he leaves Jaime tells Brienne that the man knows who he is and what if he tells someone. Brienne will not kill an innocent though so the argument is for naught (for now).

JOFFREY AND CERSEI HAVE A BORING CONVERSATION
King Joffrey is meeting with his tailor, who is dressing him in materials. Cersei is sitting there watching. Am I the only one who found that a bit weird? Like was this the only time he would let her near him? While he is dressing? Whatever. Joffrey demands his robe be fitted tighter. Cersei likes it. Joffrey loudly objects to an floral patterns. Laying it on even more Joffrey exclaims that everything in the room is wrong and for the man to get something else. He leaves without so much as an emotion change. Awesome. Cersei uses his distaste for a small piece of floral material to her advantage. She thinks it would be perfect for Margeary and her interest in showing off her boobies. Ha.
Cersei goes on to question Joffrey on what he thinks of Margeary. He thinks it is a good match, politically and for the war. Cersei re-asks the question he didn’t answer. What does he think of her? No real answer. Cersei pushes for some more questions finally ending it with asking him not to endanger himself doing something foolish like follow Margeary into harms way. Joffrey has the best line naming this conversation one of the most boring he has ever had. Ha. Its funny because its true. Cersei finally understands that Joffrey is not going to understand unless she comes right out and says it.
She enforces that Margeary makes every move she makes for a reason. As a major player Cersei knows exactly who Margeary is: another player. Joffrey has none of it though, spouting off misogynist nonsense about intelligent women doing what they are told. And here a King in his own silly right is turning down the advice of someone who has arguably been a huge facet in the political arena for years: his mother. I love how Cersei still can’t seem to get over how horrible he is but at least she keeps trying. Finally the tailor returns with a new piece of fabric which Joffrey appreciates in his reflection in a mirror.

SANSA CAN’T SQUIRT CREAM BACK UP AN UDDER
Sansa, like Joffrey, is looking at herself in a mirror while Shea does her hair. Shea is trying to get more information about Littlefinger while enforcing to Sansa that he is a bad idea. Sansa can barely wrap her poor ginger head around the idea of Little finger “loving” her or even being interested in her – citing his age. Poor Sansa will never have the head for this business.  Shea promises to help Sansa if Littlefinger touches her. They are interrupted by a visitor: Sir Loras. Sansa is still  as smitten as ever with the Knight of the Flowers. He however doesn’t even seem to remember meeting her before. In a word: Awesome. It seems he has come to bring her out to meet his sister, Margaery, and their grandmother, Lady Olenna in the gardens to take in some air. House Tyrell’s sigil is a Golden Rose and Lady Olenna is known to be the Queen of Thorns.
Once there Lady Olenna, by far my most favorite addition made to this show recently, bids Sansa to kiss her hand and thanks her for visiting her and her “foolish flock of hens”.  In a conversation that demonstrates her quick wit and keen mind we slowly see Sansa grow more and more confused. She doesn’t know what to make of this woman who insults the departed Renly, her own family, and calls herself less boring than the others. Sansa has never encountered someone of such nobility with such kindness and candidness. Also she got some lemon cakes so girl was frazzled by the generosity. Around now is also when my new favorite lady started demanding cheese from one of the servers. It mirrored exactly how Joffrey rudely handles situations but somehow she pulls it off looking entirely endearing and even charming. Unfortunately Lady Olenna wanted more than to feed Sansa lemon cakes and like all GOT players she wants something. She wants to now the truth about King Joffrey.
Gulp. Sansa is terrified. The truth about Joffrey? Can she swear on a bible or one of those old face tree things? Sansa legit tries to just not say anything. Olenna asks if Joffrey has ripped out her tongue. You can see Sansa thought process (Uh no but he will if I say anything). Here is where I first realized Sansa’s silence will only help her if she knew how to play the game and she obviously doesn’t. So, Sansa finally makes what I think is a smart move. Finally Sansa reveals the truth in the shortest yet most succinct way possible: “He’s a monster”.  Olenna is all “That’s a pity” and Margaery is so casually excepting of this that it is hilarious.

TALISA IS AFRIAD OF HER HORSE
Talisa is going to have a conversation with her prisoner mother in law. Lady Catelyn does not make this easy as she criticizes Talisa’s riding. She is afraid of her horse and the horse knows it. Talisa still tries to offer help in making the dream catcher-like charm Catelyn is weaving. Catelyn at first bites her head off but reverses a bit to explain that she can’t help because she is not a mother and only a mother can make them to protect her children. Then we get some really intriguing illumination of Lady Catelyn. She has made one of these before, and not just for Bran’s fall in season one.
When Jon Snow was a small boy he got very sick and Catelyn sat at his bedside all night listening to his distressing sounds. This is the same baby she could barely look at initially so of course Catelyn got mega-morbid and prayed to the gods to initially let Jon die. This was when Catelyn realized she was the worst woman who had ever lived. All because of jealousy over a woman she didn’t even know. So Catelyn had an abrupt change of heart: If the gods let the boy live she would be a true and loving mother to him and to give him a true last name (Stark). She however couldn’t do it. She couldn’t keep her promise and so now she thinks all of the horrible things that have happened to them was because she simply “couldn’t love a motherless child”. Loved this scene. Loved Catelyn’s guilt.

EVERYONE HATES THE CAVE PEOPLE
Mance lets Jon know how he got all the different tribes north of the wall to work together: He told them they all would die if they didn’t get south. The kicker is that that is the truth. They continue on and come across a wildling kneeling in the snow, eyes whited out completely, staring into the sky where a bird is hovering. He is identified as a “Warg”. Much like Jon’s encounter with a giant, he can’t help but gawk. Ygritte can’t not make fun of him even though he had no way of knowing what the hell a Warg is. A Warg by the way is a man who can enter the minds of animals and currently this one is scouting for them. Anyone else getting the feeling the Wildlings have much more interesting lives then most anyone else in Westros?
Well what did the Warg see on his scouting mission? Dead crows. Holy transition!

SAM IS FORBIDDEN TO DIE
The crows, nights watch, who aren’t dead are still desperately traveling back to the wall to warn everyone about the coming Winter. Sam is totally just bawling as they walk while dickhead guard #1 taunts him and calls him piggy. Finally he just tells Sam to quit and lay there. Sam ridiculously does. He just lies there in the snow – forcing his two sort-of friends to come and get him back up on his feet. The saddest part is it doesn’t work. Sam is so done with all of this bullshit – and it doesn’t help that his “friends” actually left him to the white walkers back in the finale last year.
The only reason Sam gets up and continues is because the Lord Commander legitimately commands and expressly forbids Sam to die – which is the sweetest thing this man has ever done. He then does one better and ties Sam and Dickhead guards lives together – If Sam doesn’t make it back then the dude doesn’t. Sam trudges on.

OSHA THINKS BEING UNARMED IS POOR PLANNING
Bran is sleeping (again.) when he is awoken again – creepy boy from his dreams is making an appearance in waking life now too. His name is Jojen Reed and he gets my applause for not crapping his pants when Osha put a spear to his neck. The standoff initially ends when Jojens sister, Meera, (the weapons expert) steps in as protection. Now the only thing separately Bran from Jojen is one of the Direwolfs: Summer. She looks positively ferocious until Jojen basically scratches her in her happy place and summer scampers away. Direwolf-whisper!
He tells Bran him and Meera have traveled a long way to find him and they have further to go.  On the road, Jojen explains that Bran can get into animals heads even when he is not sleeping once he can control it. Jojen also name drops Bran being a warg. Bran is barely phased: instead bringing up his connection to the three-eyed raven. Jojen confirms that he does remember the dream he shared with Bran and that the raven is whole other bag. It is something different. Something deeper. “The raven brings the sight” Jojen explains. Bran understands this as his new ability to see things that haven’t happened yet. Jojen expands our minds, sharing that you can see things yet to come, the present, and the long past. Sweet. This so much cooler than your everyday precog.
Trailing behind Osha is trying to get information out of Meera. The best bit from this was Osha asking if Jojen is ashamed that Meera fights all his battles for him. Meera wants to know where exactly the shame in that should be. Osha explains what she sees: A boy his age who needs his sister to protect him is going to need a lot of protecting. Meera responds to this, earning my praise, with “Some people will always need help. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t worth helping.”. Meera I hope you are really good with those weapons because good people do not last long here.
We also get a closer look at who exactly these siblings are. They are part of the Reed family, a vassal to House Stark. Howland Reed, their father, was apparently very close with Eddard Stark. They fought together in the rebellion – which Jojen awesome “saw” with his nifty “sight”.

MAYBE HOTPIE IS THE REASON HALF THE COUNTRY IS STARVING
FINALLY! We catch up with Arya, Gendry, and Hot Pie who are auguring in the woods. Gendry doesn’t understand why Arya didn’t use her three death wishes last year to kill off some better ideas: Joffrey. Tywin. Or some other way that would have ended the entire war. Arya is sick of the argument – it is over and done with. So they switch to arguing about whether they are going north or not. Arya demonstrates that her knowledge of the land is pretty great – If they find a certain river they can follow it to Riverrun where the Lord Tully, her grandfather, is. How sad is it that Arya can’t know he is dead yet. So much death. They are interrupted by a group of men traveling on foot, singing a Lannister song, “Rains of Castamere”.
They hide – because A) It is a Lannister hymn and B) Usually this is a song before some killing is about to be done. Right when we think Arya and her friends are safe, a marksman fires off an arrow right by their hiding place. After a tense but brief standoff Arya and company are taken by the men, but it seems less dangerous than most of Sansa‘s meetings in Kings Landing. We also learn that the strangers are the Brotherhood Without Banners led by a great beard, Thoros of Myr. The Brotherhood was first and last referenced during Arya’s stay at Harrenhal where prisoners were questioned about the Brotherhood – ending always in their death. Thoros clears up any negative thoughts about them though explaining that the lords of Westros are burning the country and the Brotherhood is trying to save it. Man, writing Brotherhood so many time doesn’t feel natural without saying Magneto.
Later on we find that the Brotherhood as taken Arya and company to a tavern. They offer her a drink – but Arya is all business and knows she very much needs to get out of there. She dumbly boasts her sword fighting ability – which is stupid. It is even more stupid when Thoros accepts her offer and soundly beats her. But he is a good man because he is about to let them go anyway when something completely unexpected happens. A man with a bag over his head is brought in by some of Thoros’s men – a rather large mystery man.
Thoros wastes no time finding out the mystery: THE HOUND. Apparently the hound has been captured, due to his new drinking himself silly hobby. Arya now needs to get out of there as soon as possible. While trying to sneak by the Hound recognizes nearly instantly: “What in the seven hells are you doing with the Stark bitch?” the Hound asks Thoros. GULP.

SHEA IS SWEET AND FUNNY WHORE
In a move reminiscent of last season Shea appears in Tyrion’s chamber and he beckons here once again that she isn’t supposed to be seen with him there – most likely because of his last scene with Tywin who vowed to kill any whore he is caught with. Shea came because he said he would help her if she needed help. And I think it is a sweetest thing ever that Shea really cares about Sansa because her problem that she needs Tyrions help with is concerning Littlefingers odd interest in Sansa.
They also have a cute fight concerning Tyrions knowledge of Ros – another whore. My initial distrust in Shea is all but disappeared between her seemingly actual loving relationship with Tyrion and her protection of Sansa. She pleads with Tyrion that they need to protect Sansa. Tyrion insists they can’t because the Lannisters got rid of her and she will have “a great many suitors” because she is a beautiful girl with a “very old name”. Shea’s jealous reaction to Tyrion noting Sansa beauty is adorable. His backpedaling is cute too. Finally Tyrions whining about Shea being cruel wins him the moment as Shea begins undressing him while joking about her cruelty. When did these two get so CUTE?!

THE SUBTLETIES OF POLITICS ARE OFTEN LOST ON MAGEARY – NOT
King Joffrey has summoned his new Queen to be Margaery to his chambers. He is leaving on a hunt soon (his crossbow in hand, which is so disconcerting) and wanted to make sure she had everything she needed. Well this is the reason he gave her, but it seems his mothers words are actually getting through to him because he brought Margaery there to actually confront her about her marriage to Renly (“traitor“). But Margaery is ready for this and knows how to talk her way out of it. She was trying to perform her duty as a wife but – She wont speak ill of the dead. Joffrey questions whether she would speak kindly of a traitor if he was dead.
Instead of backing down Margaery goes for the jugular here: Sharing that she couldn’t bear Renly children because he wouldn’t sleep with her. She coyly insinuates Renly sexual interest. She also says the one time Renly did want her it was something that sounded “painful and couldn’t possibly result in children”. Ha. This is the same lady who offered to bring her brother into the bedroom or turn around so he could pretend she was Loras. I LOVE HER. Joffrey disgusted reaction is expected. He takes it further saying he has thought about making Renly’s “perversion” punishable by death. Margaery, in a move protecting her gay brother, says it is his will to do as he wishes but she gazes longingly at his crossbow. Her hand hovers by it like she is turned on by it.
In a brilliant move Margaery gushingly asks Joffrey to show her how his crossbow works. He does so getting more excited as he goes on – ending his lesson with a crossbow bolt through the eyes of a stuffed bear. Margaery jumps to her feet clapping in praise (still so funny) and asks if he could take her on a hunt sometime. Knowing Joffrey would never initially think such a thing is okay she backtracks noting it is probably no place for a lady like her as well as saying her father would never let her do such a thing. Margaery is so intelligent here: She is literally giving Joffrey power over her but the power is a illusion. Joffrey, falling for the illusion says she no longer belongs to her father and offers his crossbow to her to hold. As she positions herself holding it, they both watch her in the mirror, Joffrey behind her.
In her best and most successful move of the night Margaery seems to react exactly how Joffreys dream lady would react: She finds in excitement in holding the crossbow knowing you can simply squeeze a trigger and kill something. Joffreys eyes bug out, because he suddenly seems to love her. He asks if she thinks she could do that: kill something. The way they say kill sounds so sexual. Margaery asks if he thinks she could and the answer is yes. Ramping up the sexual tension even more Margaery asks if he would like to watch her kill something. Gulp. I’m surprised this scene doesn’t end with Margeary asking what is poking her backside.

JAMIE IS NOT A FAN OF THE FLAYED MAN
Jamie is seemingly having the time of his life torturing Brienne while she tries to figure out what is the best way to transport him. Now Brienne needs someone to explain the whole bag over the head thing – but lucky for us she doesn’t. Jamie, making it even more difficult for Brienne, literally plops himself down in the middle of a bridge in the wide open where anyone can see them – to “rest”. Brienne reacts like he is an annoying child and goes to literally carry him up to his feet while Jaime lunges and grabs at her sword. Within second Jaime is free, cutting his own leash, smiling at the sword in his hands – like he missed it. He hilariously continues to bust Brienne’s chops as she takes out her other sword looking unnerved at this new development. They begin to fight – with Jaime still snidely remarking at her errors. Even with his hands still bound, and weak from crazy malnutrition Jaime still appears as a golden god with a sword – superiority dripping from him.
Trying to erode Brienne’s confidence at every turn, Jaime explains that if Brienne kills him then she fails Lady Stark but if she doesn’t kill him he is very much going to kill her. Brienne however knows of a third option: Wearing the Kingslayer down. Between his weakness and manacled hands Jaime Lannister is beaten into submission. With a silly flourish of her sword Brienne ends the fight knocking his weapon away. This happens just in time for them to be rudely interrupted.
The new strangers are from House Bolton, Stark Banner men, and they know exactly who Jaime is. It seems Jaime was right. The kind farmer who passed them earlier sold them out. Jaime tries to buy his way out but they have none of it. They begin to approach Jaime and Brienne – armed but outnumbered.
THE END – UNTIL NEXT TIME
-Sagebeth